[roladedah]

Pain I'm learning to live with. Fatigue, not so much. I've been waiting four months to see a rheumatologist and I have another two months to go. I have a healthier lifestyle than half of the medical professionals I know, and I'm still exhausted.

I'm trying so hard to finish my degree, which will allow me to have flexible hours and take some of the financial stress off of the household. But I'm having a lot of trouble completing stuff in a timely manner. Teachers aren't sympathetic, and without a diagnosis I can't get disability accommodations. I've had pain issues for way too long, but it finally got bad enough that I got the referral.

My spouse in a very, very nice guy but he can't fathom what it is like to feel like a zombie all of the time. All I want to do is sleep. I stopped working because I couldn't deal with being a wife, mom, student, and worker. He doesn't quite get that school is actually really time consuming and wanting to just sleep doesn't make it easy. He really wants me to finish so we can, you know, move on with our lives. I see where he's coming from, but no amount of explaining what this is like seems to make him understand that I might need some time off.

I also have a preschool-aged kid who is hyperactive, messy, and willful. I love her to death, but I have trouble keeping up with her.

Caffeine isn't particularly helpful. Any tips on this? I go to bed at a reasonable time and usually have a nap at the same time as the child, but it's not enough...

[Leed]

Have you reminded this "very very nice guy" of a husband that HE took part in the making of this child? Does he KNOW that he should take part in the care and feeding of this child? Does he need a frying pain upside his head in order to get it thru to him that you need HELP??

Since he can't "fathom" what it's like to be in constant pain, feeling like a zombie, so tired that you could sleep standing up with no problem, that you're a wife, mother, student and worker while he has just ONE job? Have you reminded him that one of your jobs is 24/7 (mom) and there are NO days off? Did you remind him that one job has deadlines and the Prof. won't extend it simply cause you're tired?? One job (wife) includes taking care of husbands needs () which she dutifully fulfills. And HE really wants you to finish your degree so you can WORK??? Well whoop -de-doo. What the HE@#@$ ARE YOU DOING NOW!!! This guy really DOES need a frying pan upside his head!

He must be incredibly dense if he can't understand that you TIRED, word out, in pain, and need HELP. I don't know what's the matter with him, but he needs to start helping you around the house and with the child. There is NO REASON why he cannot. Either HE step in and help you or YOU hire a nanny. That's what I would do.

God bless and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[roladedah]

Not quite like that, though a frying pan could be useful at times.

He actually does quite a bit around the house and taking care of the kid. There have been points in our marriage where he has done considerably more than me in the employment and domestic department even prior kid, and lately is one of those points. He works 50 hours a week and his days off are three days apart, so he's pretty tired though for different reasons. He wants me to finish school because I'm burned out, half my classmates are too young to be in graduate school and I have difficulty getting along with them, department politics are ridiculous, and I really miss working just in the field without being expected to write papers on theories that do not interest me. Graduate school is for masochists, and I am not one of those.

Wanting money is my choice because I find living on one income to be obnoxious. Husband is supportive of me working part-time as I haven't been able to work full-time since I was 21 years old without getting miserable (and some undiagnosed hypomania was probably the only reason I was able to swing it back then). We're also stuck in an 800 sq ft house we have outgrown since we purchased it because we're going to move when I am done and decide where to work, as both of us want to live closer to family but commuting from that area is not feasible.

We're both at our wits end with the school thing. There is very little I like about it at this point. Husband completed a Bachelor's but has not been to grad school, so I get questions like, "Wow, you actually read the book? Does anyone else in your class do that?" (We both did well in school, though I graduated with honors as I have almost always "read the book")

Now here is where I stop defending him because this is the department where he needs that frying pan: unsolicited man advice. Very stupid unsolicited man advice. Ya know, that eat a balanced diet and go for a walk type. Which I, ya know, do more than him. Therapist and I suspect he's talking more to himself and dragging me into it so he'll have a partner in change/crime. He has become less nagging since he's seen my noticeably larger biceps (we're talking Rosie the Riveter arms) from doing "weight lifting" with my wrist weights. I wasn't particularly nice to my body in the past and haven't been able to put on a lot of muscle until recently, which is kind of nice. I also showed him how screwed up my spine actually is (hopefully correctable), which I think may have had a little impact. He doesn't quite get that the usual eat some carrot sticks and do some crunches (the thought of doing crunches makes me ill) doesn't exactly apply to this stuff. Which I get. But did I ask you, dude? At least he's shut up about my adventures in OCD...I think I'm going to start taking revenge by lecturing him about the benefits of kale or something.

Anyway, doing all of the healthy things is tiring. I've had several periods of depression where I just didn't do anything, and that's pretty tiring also. I can't figure out which of the two is more tiring. I like the bits of healthy things I do to the best of my ability more than going through a crate of Kleenex...but yeesh, it's bad if I can compare the two energy levels. Thyroid is normal, hemoglobin normal, sleep study results normal, and Vitamin D level is normal.

I really just want some Nuvigil. Ugh. Psychiatrist might be willing to prescribe it for me if I just took it every so often - such as night classes, longer drives, holidays, etc., but insurance company won't be willing to cover that every so pricey drug.

[Leed]

Ummm - What is Nuvigil? I know of most drugs, but that one has me befuddled. Can't say I'm familiar with it. What's it for?

If your spine is 'screwed up" and you said you hope it's correctable -- I sure HOPE you weren't talking about SURGERY!!! Believe me, you'll be in WORSE shape after surgery than you were before! Ask MOST people who have had surgery -- including ME. ARRGGHHHH. I've had 3 spinal surgeries, and Dear Lord -- what a mistake. But I had mine before the internet was invented, so I didn't have any way to really "research" like I do now. And I had no way to talk to hundreds of other people like I do now, either. I would NEVER have let him touch me if I'd known what I know now. NEVER.

Oh, don't you just love that "man advice?" LOL You're right -- he's talking more to himself than to you. lol Why don't you lecture him on the benefits of Mineral Oil and watch him Shi# himself for 3 days! LOL

I'm glad you have a therapist. That darn depression can knock your socks off. I've had it since I was a small child, and now I've got it under control, thank God. But there were times where I prayed to God to just "take me home." Man, I was miserable! I never want to go back there again, cause that went on for years!

Take care & keep me posted on how you're doing, ok? Hugs, Lee

[lizardlady]

You mention you are waiting to see a rhuematologist. What do you think is wrong - fibro? Frankly, reading how much you are doing made me exhausted. That wouldn't explain pain though. Sadly, people who don't have ongoing chronic fatigue do not have any concept of what it's like to live with.

Caffeine is not a solution. It will actually make you more tired when it wears off. You mentioned you nap when your little one is napping. Is it possible for you to take short breaks during the day to rest? Some times it helps me to go some pace quiet and close my eyes for a few minutes, not actually nap, just turn off for a bit.