[lizardlady]

I have a co-worker/friend who keeps making suggestions of things I should do for my fibro and chronic fatigue. I tried politely telling her that I have tried all the things she is suggesting and they don't work. I've tried telling her that I stay on top of new ideas for treatment and consult with my doctor when I hear of something new.

She persists in offering suggestions. She also comments "It's not fair that you feel this way." I told her that I avoid thinking that way because it leads to me sitting on the pity pot. She continues to offer suggestions and make the same comment.

I've run out of nice ways of responding to her. I realize she is doing it out of concern for me, but it's started to feel invasive. There are times I'd like to scream at her to leave me alone. I'm not going to because I understand her motivation. I sure could use some ideas how to respond though. Ideas anyone?

[Frankbtl]

Hi lizardlady, sounds like you've been as polite, friendly diplomatic, reasonable as you can be enough times. But you just have "too good a friend there"!!
So do you think maybe you could be real direct with telling her the way she is making you feel with her "over concern". Maybe leave out the "I'd like to scream at her to leave me alone" bit but you could say something like it's "getting on top of you", "bringing you down".................
Or
Maybe "turn the tables" a bit on her. If she's had/having any difficulties throw lots of focus on them/her. Even if she comes into work looking a little tired one day? throw lots of concern/focus her way, notice it, comment, try to be "supportive". Throw the main attention away from yourself and right onto her. You never know she might lose some of the "obsession" about you and your health as well then.
Best wishes
Alison

[lizardlady]

Thanks. I've decided to be direct with her. I'm going to repeat what I said here, without the scream at her part. Then tell her that I don't want to discuss it anymore and change the subject. I'm not going to focus on problems she has. She is very sensitive about such things and would take offense. Yes, I see the irony in that!

[NWgirl2013]

Oh Liz~ I really feel your pain (pun intended) in this. Even my H is reluctant to ask the simplest 'how are you?' because I bit his head off (he wasn't using it anyway...just sayin') but you get what I mean, not helpful to turn on someone who is "just trying to be be helpful."

I think you are right in your most recent post on this.

I have a friend who is from a different culture who asks me, omg, beyond too many times how I am, if I tried xyz, yikes!

I now have learned to say little, pause, smile at her, say nothing, and then she just answers her own question. "Oh, still have headache. I'm so sorry."

It seems to work for me.

Actually, you can answer one for me. I have a "friend" who tells me to my face, (or on the phone) that my pain is psychosomatic, that I am carrying too much stress and therefore, if I would just stop being stressed by this pain I would be all better.
Yep, what a jerk. That's what I thought too....
Just need a new snappy comeback.
to you Liz