[cakeladie]

Hey everyone,

I have lupus, fibro, RA and a host of other medical problems. The doctor says there is really nothing left that they can do. All the meds have ruined my liver. My husband wants me to start planning and getting on a payment plan for my funeral. Is that weird? I feel like if we do that then the end is near but his reasoning is that I would have a say so in everything and we can get on a payment plan so that when the time comes everything will be paid for and easier on him and the kids. I just don't know about it.

I have a migraine today and could not leave my bed. I called the neuro doc because I also have a cyst on the back of my head that they are watching and he told me to take my meds and stay in bed. I just feel useless doing that.

Is it weird to start planning for a funeral that could take place next week or in 5 years. I just don't know.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((cakeladie)))

I'm so sorry to hear this.

This is really difficult.

I understand your husband's reasoning behind wanting to get you to start planning but boy that is hard. Yes, to me, this seems weird .... I'd really struggle with the concept if it was me, so please forgive yourself and be gentle on your soul for thiking this. Of course I understand this: "I feel like if we do that then the end is near ..." yes, for sure I mean he's asking you to plan for the end ...... I just don't know, I am very sorry, because I have never been in your situation so I would not want to cause offense. I really think that you should do what your heart is telling you to do in this situation.

With everything else going on a migrane is not nice at all. Don't worry about feeling useless there, you've got a lot on. Please be gentle to your mind.

It is weird it is really weird to even begin to comprehend the concept of planning for a funeral that could take place next week or in 5 years. It is hard. It really is.

If it were me, personally I don't think I'd want an overinvolvement in this type of planning if I sat where you are today.

I'd like to think that perhaps there are some aspects I could contribute towards that would leave a loving legacy for my cherished ones to remember. Because you are a wonderful person and indeed are loved by many.

How do you want them to remember you by?

I know you are suffering now but there was a time before all of this began. Nobody forgets this time. These are the lasting loving memories our loved ones will hold on to dear and cry tears of happiness and sorrow all at the same time when they remember us.

What is a song that holds significance for you? Something that when people hear it they would remember it being played and weep tears of sadness and joy remembering the beautiful person that you are?

I really like the song Don't You Forget About Me. This holds significance for me. It always reminds me of Maddie McCaine. You know I can't see Maddie McCaine. I don't know where Maddie McCaine is right now. But I do think of her. And every time I hear that song I am reminded - I will never forget Maddie.

What phrase / saying would you like to depart to others to remember you by? So that when other's remember this phrase they remember how awesome you are. You've always been awesome; it's just really hard to hold onto this concept.

I really like Nelson Mandela's quote: "I learnt that courage was not the absence of fear , but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

What an amazing man he is for me.

27 years in prison.

Yet he never hated his captors?

Was released and felt compassion.

That's pretty amazing!

What is your favourite song?

I really like Leanne Rimes version - "Some say Love" - here:

Love is beautiful.

But love is pain.

It never dies though.

It is a flower.

And you it's only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't taken, who can not seem to give.

And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live.

And the night, has been too lonely, and the road, has been too long.
And you think, that love is only, for the lucky, and the strong.
Just remember, in the Winter far beneath the bitter snow .....

Lies the seed

That with the sun's love

In the spring

Becomes the rose.

I will never forget you and this post.

[lizardlady]

cakeladie, I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly. I hear you about feeling useless because of pain. US society encourages us to be on the go and doing something in order to have value. That's not true, but it can't generate feelings of uselessness. I don't have any great words of wisdom because I struggle with the same feelings at times.

As for planning your funeral and prepaying, I believe that's a good idea for everyone, regardless the status of their health. Both of my parents prepaid and pre-planned their funerals. It made life a whole lot easier for me when the time came. I can see that your husband suggesting it when you are feeling so poorly is not good timing, maybe you could address it when you are not feeling quite so badly.

[cakeladie]

Thank you for responding. I have a lot to think about

[jean17]

Originally Posted by cakeladie

Hey everyone,

I have lupus, fibro, RA and a host of other medical problems. The doctor says there is really nothing left that they can do. All the meds have ruined my liver. My husband wants me to start planning and getting on a payment plan for my funeral. Is that weird? I feel like if we do that then the end is near but his reasoning is that I would have a say so in everything and we can get on a payment plan so that when the time comes everything will be paid for and easier on him and the kids. I just don't know about it.

I have a migraine today and could not leave my bed. I called the neuro doc because I also have a cyst on the back of my head that they are watching and he told me to take my meds and stay in bed. I just feel useless doing that.

Is it weird to start planning for a funeral that could take place next week or in 5 years. I just don't know.

I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. You are a very special lady to have coped with all this for so long. It's hard to plan your funeral, but it's also very good. Very good for you because you have planned what you want and have taken that task on instead of leaving it for your grieving family. Good for them because they can stop worrying about it. Give yourself some time to think & pray about it.

[Fuzzybear]

[January]

((((( Cakeladie )))))

I just found your post. You are so dear, sweet and kind. I am so sorry for the sorrows and pain you are enduring.

I do think it's wise to preplan and prepay everything, but then, I worked in the life insurance industry for years, so it's normal for me. I don't think the best time to be thinking about it is when you've got a migraine and you're sick in bed.

If there is ever anything I can do, I am here for you.