[emmaleewhispers]

Omg, I am a mess. Not even 31 years old yet and, because of years of smoking and being morbidly obese, I now have a bulging disc in my spine which causes a lot of pain every single day for me. Not only is my back constantly in pain, but now my legs have begun to be affected. The sciatica makes it really hard to even move my left leg when showering, getting dressed, getting in the car, etc. And just a couple days ago my right leg started hurting. I want to cry. I have no motivation to quit smoking or lose the weight I need to lose, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. It DOES scare me immensely to think I will most likely not live very long, and the life I do have left will be miserable... but I guess it's not enough for me to change the way I'm living. UGH. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Originally Posted by emmaleewhispers

Omg, I am a mess. Not even 31 years old yet and, because of years of smoking and being morbidly obese, I now have a bulging disc in my spine which causes a lot of pain every single day for me. Not only is my back constantly in pain, but now my legs have begun to be affected. The sciatica makes it really hard to even move my left leg when showering, getting dressed, getting in the car, etc. And just a couple days ago my right leg started hurting. I want to cry. I have no motivation to quit smoking or lose the weight I need to lose, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. It DOES scare me immensely to think I will most likely not live very long, and the life I do have left will be miserable... but I guess it's not enough for me to change the way I'm living. UGH. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Hey Emma, I just turned 31 myself, and I have sciatica from a herniated disk too (L4/L5) ! I understand your pain to some extent. My pain is in my right buttock, not down the leg.

Have you seen physical therapists about the pain ? What kind of medical or other treatment have you sought for it ?

I know you don't wanna hear this, but excess weight and improper body posture will exacerbate your pain.

One thing that I have trained myself to do is to squat whenever I need to bend my body, and to engage my abdominal muscles to protect my back.

I also just ordered a book from Amazon.com that explains how to manage Sciatica. Fixing You: Back Pain: Self-Treatment for Sciatica, Bulging and Herniated Disks, Stenosis, Degenerative Disks, and other diagnoses.: Rick Olderman MSPT: 9780982193709: Amazon.com: Books

You're still quite young ... you can absolutely get over this problem.

I'm here for you if you want to talk more about this or about exercise or anything. I know you can get better, and that's why I'm eager to talk to you about it.

[emmaleewhispers]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

Hey Emma, I just turned 31 myself, and I have sciatica from a herniated disk too (L4/L5) ! I understand your pain to some extent. My pain is in my right buttock, not down the leg.

Have you seen physical therapists about the pain ? What kind of medical or other treatment have you sought for it ?

I know you don't wanna hear this, but excess weight and improper body posture will exacerbate your pain.

One thing that I have trained myself to do is to squat whenever I need to bend my body, and to engage my abdominal muscles to protect my back.

I also just ordered a book from Amazon.com that explains how to manage Sciatica. Fixing You: Back Pain: Self-Treatment for Sciatica, Bulging and Herniated Disks, Stenosis, Degenerative Disks, and other diagnoses.: Rick Olderman MSPT: 9780982193709: Amazon.com: Books

You're still quite young ... you can absolutely get over this problem.

I'm here for you if you want to talk more about this or about exercise or anything. I know you can get better, and that's why I'm eager to talk to you about it.

Thanks so much for your advice. I cannot do physical therapy due to extremely limited financial means. However, I do know that losing weight/quitting smoking will help tremendously; I'm just not at the point where I feel like I can put forth the effort into doing those things because of the mental anguish I am in every day.

I really hope one day the lightbulb "clicks" on in my head and I actually start DOING something about it, instead of just complaining...........

Originally Posted by emmaleewhispers

Thanks so much for your advice. I cannot do physical therapy due to extremely limited financial means. However, I do know that losing weight/quitting smoking will help tremendously; I'm just not at the point where I feel like I can put forth the effort into doing those things because of the mental anguish I am in every day.

I really hope one day the lightbulb "clicks" on in my head and I actually start DOING something about it, instead of just complaining...........

You're very welcome I understand your situation. I guess you gotta take it just one step at a time, whatever you can manage today is what you worry about.

What is it specifically that is the cause of your mental anguish ? Would you say it's loneliness, or boredom, or emptiness, or your physical health ? Feel free to share as much as you are comfortable sharing.

[emmaleewhispers]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

You're very welcome I understand your situation. I guess you gotta take it just one step at a time, whatever you can manage today is what you worry about.

What is it specifically that is the cause of your mental anguish ? Would you say it's loneliness, or boredom, or emptiness, or your physical health ? Feel free to share as much as you are comfortable sharing.

Yes, gotta take it one day at a time... that's absolutely right.

You know, it's really, really difficult to explain... I guess I would say that the cause of my mental anguish is mostly negative self-talk and feeling as if I am worthless and completely incompetent in everything I do. I also get overwhelmed at the smallest task that is even the slightest bit unpleasant (in other words, I have very little motivation to do anything I need to do). I feel as if I am a hamster trapped on a wheel going around and around and never getting anywhere. I hate the way I look, the way I feel physically and emotionally, and I hate the fact that I always have pity parties and feel bad for myself. And I have SO MUCH guilt over my mother's death (she died of lung cancer in 2011), and feel as if I never treated her right and that she never knew I loved her while she was alive. I feel like I made her life miserable and I hate myself for that. My friends think I am trying to "kill myself" subconsciously because of that guilt.... by still smoking and eating whatever and whenever I want, and not exercising hardly at all.

The above are all reasons why I cannot hold down stable employment, which is why I'm on disability.

Sorry, I know you probably didn't want to hear my whole life story........... thanks for listening.

Originally Posted by emmaleewhispers

Yes, gotta take it one day at a time... that's absolutely right.

You know, it's really, really difficult to explain... I guess I would say that the cause of my mental anguish is mostly negative self-talk and feeling as if I am worthless and completely incompetent in everything I do. I also get overwhelmed at the smallest task that is even the slightest bit unpleasant (in other words, I have very little motivation to do anything I need to do). I feel as if I am a hamster trapped on a wheel going around and around and never getting anywhere. I hate the way I look, the way I feel physically and emotionally, and I hate the fact that I always have pity parties and feel bad for myself. And I have SO MUCH guilt over my mother's death (she died of lung cancer in 2011), and feel as if I never treated her right and that she never knew I loved her while she was alive. I feel like I made her life miserable and I hate myself for that. My friends think I am trying to "kill myself" subconsciously because of that guilt.... by still smoking and eating whatever and whenever I want, and not exercising hardly at all.

The above are all reasons why I cannot hold down stable employment, which is why I'm on disability.

Sorry, I know you probably didn't want to hear my whole life story........... thanks for listening.

I hear you. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and how you feel now after her passing It must be so tough to have the feeling that you cannot change how you treated her. However, you can still make her proud. Just do whatever, with your own life ahead, you think would have made her proud. See if you can channel that feeling towards making your life better and fuller.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom is in her last years, and I know I'm going to feel the same way when she's gone, and it's not a nice feeling.

However, the one thing I have realized over time is ... yes, I've been a bad person to her, and yes, I've said some nasty things to her which I'm going to regret, but I've had a pretty damn tough life myself ... harder than I'd wish on my worst enemy. I need to give myself a break ! I know I didn't do it on purpose, and you didn't mistreat your mom on purpose, either.

[emmaleewhispers]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

I hear you. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and how you feel now after her passing It must be so tough to have the feeling that you cannot change how you treated her. However, you can still make her proud. Just do whatever, with your own life ahead, you think would have made her proud. See if you can channel that feeling towards making your life better and fuller.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom is in her last years, and I know I'm going to feel the same way when she's gone, and it's not a nice feeling.

However, the one thing I have realized over time is ... yes, I've been a bad person to her, and yes, I've said some nasty things to her which I'm going to regret, but I've had a pretty damn tough life myself ... harder than I'd wish on my worst enemy. I need to give myself a break ! I know I didn't do it on purpose, and you didn't mistreat your mom on purpose, either.

Yes, you're right. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me. I hadn't really thought of it that way. And part of me knows, even now, that she is extremely proud of me. I'm going back to school this semester and doing very, very well academically (so far). So at least I have that going for me.

Originally Posted by emmaleewhispers

Yes, you're right. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me. I hadn't really thought of it that way. And part of me knows, even now, that she is extremely proud of me. I'm going back to school this semester and doing very, very well academically (so far). So at least I have that going for me.

There you go ! Just never forget it You're gonna do great !

Let every negative thing from your past provide the fuel, and it is a very potent fuel, to drive your future successes That's the only way I know how to operate.

[emmaleewhispers]

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

There you go ! Just never forget it You're gonna do great !

Let every negative thing from your past provide the fuel, and it is a very potent fuel, to drive your future successes That's the only way I know how to operate.

What an awesome attitude you have! I aspire to have the same attitude daily.