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#1
Feb 28, 2010, 10:15 PM
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I have been on-again-off-again trying to get myself killed in various hot spots around the world for 15 years now. I have been walking around on alert for almost three years now since coming back from the 'Stan. I can't relax unless I am home with my wife or if I am drunk and that doesn't always work. I can't smell cooking pork, I flinch at fireworks, I experiance combat stress reactions if I am on a laive range or doing scenarios in the Sim Room. Smells, tastes and sometimes nothing and my heart rate goes up and I an checking my arcs and and twitchy for action. This sucks. I'm gonna give myself a stroke. My neighbor tried to **** my wife while I was away and I way over reacted. I trust my wife and she sorted him out when it happened but I still get furious and want to kick his godamned teeth down his throat! I am so easily sent over the top now and part of me really wants to go but I can't. Follow the ROEs and keep your safety on. Focus on what is really happening and remember that you own everything that you do. That is what I have to keep saying in my head. Is anyone else going through this? I am getting almost no help from the Military. I fear that I am going to end up divorced and dead if this goes on too much longer. My wife is my friend and we've only known each other a few short years. I've never had anything worth living for before but this is so totally out of my realm of experiance, I don't know how to do it. Anybody?
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#2
Mar 01, 2010, 01:30 AM
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Sheepdog,
Thank you for your service... Jme, but what you are describing is combat PTSD. There are several Vets here who post in that forum...we give and get support for the issues we face that are specific to military service. I'm sorry you are not getting help from your military, it sounds just like our VA. Sucks big time... Counseling can be of tremendous help to you as an individual and for couples counseling. Are there therapists where you are that specialize in PTSD? At the least, read over the posts here and in the combat PTSD forums...I believe you will see that your actions and feelings are part of the package whenever we have, or are still going through, severe trauma. There are still times when I have episodes...they are fewer and far between but it was an itch with a capital B when they were daily occurrences.With the help of fellow Vets and good therapy, it's been easier to handle things... Living near a military installation, I'll hear the training exercises and have to ground myself that I am not back in Nam. The sound of choppers can send me into op mode...hoping we have enough blood, praying for casualties to be light, the smell from BBQ smoke reminds me of the burns ward, certain phrases or even music can bring back those memories, ... Most times I still sit with my back to the door of a public place. Anger issues can still be problematic for me. ...most people in my life know not to come up to my back without making some kind of noise...or they risk a defensive reaction from me...aka getting coldcocked. Please do what you can to get counseling. PTSD is the number one reason for my failed marriage...both of us are Vets with PTSD so I can only imagine the difficulties you and your wife are going through... Do keep posting, it helps to get things out in the open instead of it festering inside our spirits. You do not have to go it alone. We Care I Care In Peace
__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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#3
Mar 01, 2010, 07:53 PM
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Well, it would seem that, as a group, we are a bit of a mess. I see my weekely MH prof tomorrow at1330 so I will know more about what is going to be happening with me. One way or another I am getting sent back to my family. I don't know if any of them have done anything bad enough to deserve putting up with my crap but I am going anyway. I am so tired of being so godamned tired.
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#4
Mar 02, 2010, 01:49 AM
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Quote:
Jmo, but most people will be a mess at some time in their lives. It may not be for the same reason, but they will still be a bit of a mess, part of being human. I hope your appt went well and you have concrete answers about getting home to your loved ones. They know you are doing your best and will stand by you as you make peace with the reflection in the mirror. Don't beat yourself up about your crap....you didn't ask for it, you are doing what you need to do, and it does get better. I identify with the tiredness, anger, frustration...I also got fed up with feeling that way. My T helped me turn that into motivation to do what I needed to do. If I wanted to have any peace in my heart, I was going to have to work at it. There was a bit of a rhythm that developed the more I worked at facing these things and accepting my feelings. Was it easy? Hell no Was it worth it? Hell yes Paraphrased quote: "When you are going through hell, keep walking...crawling is all right, too." With each step or inch in the crawl, you'll get closer to feeling more at ease and enjoy peace. Oh, before I forget...when you are walking through it, you will have many folks doing the same thing at the same time. We walk our own paths, parallel to each other but we reach out and steady the one who is faltering. We give, we get. In Peace
__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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#5
Mar 03, 2010, 01:15 PM
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High Alert????.........ooohhh hell yeah................
And flashin'back......hhmmmmm......... I got with issues with choppers and loud bangs and booms ttooooo.... last year I got caught in the middle of opening day duck season. not pretty......(as a civillian)............... I stayed a walking charlie foxtrot for many years, until I realized I had a choice.....(I never knew that I had a choice)....... today I have many choices............ Welcome Sheep.......for what its worth...under these circumstances..... ........sparrow...................(hey C...2....   )
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