[Fakesky]

This is going to be long. We dated as kids (14 and 16). We were going to get married. My father kept it from happening when we were (18 and 20). He went his way and joined the Marines. I went mine and married my 2nd choice. 20 years pass by and we have our chance to be together.

I love and adore this man. The only thing Ive ever wanted was to be his wife and to have him by my side till the day God called me home. I knew when we had our chance to be a couple that he was coming to me with TBI/PTSD, that there were physical limitations and Im still ok with those things. I love him. He couldve been full on paralyzed and I would still be by his side. Unconditional love would accept nothing less than totally devotion and commitment.

My struggle is that after waiting 20 years to be his wife.... I often go to bed alone because he cant sleep. He often chooses to stay home instead of going out with me as a couple even to dinner. He wakes up and plays online video games. Sits there all day long. Stays there till he is ready to go to bed at night. He says it busys his mind and distracts him from the physical pain. I help him with his meds, pay all the bills so he doesnt have to worry, take him to all of his doctors appts, and do everything possible to be loving and make sure he is comfortable.

Ive waited my whole life to be with him.......he is here with me..... and Im so alone. Im scared to death that he is just alive and not living. Im scared that im not doing the right thing to make him happy. I want him to WANT to spend time with me but he seems more content to be alone. His PTSD is treated through medication. He is never mean or violent..... He just wants to be in his own little bubble it seems...... and I miss him.

All I want is a few answers..... What do I need to do to keep him from feeling stressed? Is there a certain amount of distance I should expect? Does this behavior mean he doesnt love me? How can I even tell if he is really happy? How do i get to a point where his distance doesnt hurt and leave me feeling alone? I adore him. I'd rather die than give up on him and i refuse to lose him. I just need a little help.......

[bebop]

been there myself hon. my suggestion is to find a combat ptsd program for families and get into some counseling together. talk to him and let him know how you feel.

[Sameera]

I'v gone through this myself, still do quite a bit.

Get him in to get some help, it might take time but it really does help.

Given that he is suffering from a sleep disorder as a result they will probably put him on some meds to help him sleep. I am on anti-psychotics (quetiapine/saraquel) just so I can sleep at night. It isn't fun to have to take pills for it but getting some decent sleep is certainly worth it.

Oh, they didn't start me out on that, it took a year of going through every other medication they could think of, including tranquilizers just to find something that worked well enough without horrible side effects or addiction.

Anyway, they can help you guys, you just need to get him into treatment and keep him sticking with it. It really will help in the long run.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Fakesky

Ive waited my whole life to be with him.......he is here with me..... and Im so alone. Im scared to death that he is just alive and not living. Im scared that im not doing the right thing to make him happy. I want him to WANT to spend time with me but he seems more content to be alone. His PTSD is treated through medication. He is never mean or violent..... He just wants to be in his own little bubble it seems...... and I miss him.

All I want is a few answers..... What do I need to do to keep him from feeling stressed? Is there a certain amount of distance I should expect? Does this behavior mean he doesnt love me? How can I even tell if he is really happy? How do i get to a point where his distance doesnt hurt and leave me feeling alone? I adore him. I'd rather die than give up on him and i refuse to lose him. I just need a little help.......

Fakesky,
It's been awhile since you posted and I hope you have gotten some help...

You didn't mention how long this situation has been going on so my sharing may not be relevant, but I'd like to share anyway.

Jme/Jmo, but a combination of TBI/PTSD has unique challenges.
Since he is under the care of physicians re meds and other conditions...speak with them about available resources for you.
It will help you understand his moods but also what you need to do for yourself.

You cannot really keep him from feeling stressed...most of it has to be worked through by him.
He is dealing with a great deal of loss aside from the PTSD. Grieving takes many forms and there is no time limit on it. A TBI may have robbed him of much of his independence along with physical pain-as you mentioned, so I am assuming there is more whole body pain.
Pain medications by themselves may cause withdrawing from those around them...
You are providing a loving and respectful environment for him to get through each day. That alone can be a huge comfort for him.

His behavior may mean a lot of things but it is not because he has stopped loving you...he is still with you, right? Many others in his situation have left their families...from feelings of frustration, shame, unresolved anger, and other issues.

You've said you are in for the long haul...and it may get worse before it gets better.
Taking care of yourself has to be a priority also. His needs are important but so are yours...get in touch with any family services available to you.

Once you know what you need to do for *you* then many of your questions are going to be answered...honestly? You need as much support as he does, just in a different way.
Take advantage of everything that is going to help you.

My best wishes in walking through this stage of recovery...his and yours.

In Peace