What soldiers give .... and families too

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this but....not sure it would fit anywheres else.

My late husband was a soldier. Suffered a head injury while he was serving he should never have survived.

So he did but....though I never saw any signs of ptsd....he had all the classic symptoms of a head injury.

He also had major bitterness towards the Army as he felt...his injury meant he could no longer serve so discharged,
thrown on the scrap heap and left to fend for self on civvy street.

I'm not really sure the point of this post except....apart from getting it out....i want folks to understand how much our
soldiers suffer to protect our freedom and rights.

There's a whole lot more I need to say but...maybe when I see how and if folks respond to this...I can finally let it out
let this ghost to rest? Coz it's not just soldiers who suffer the effects of combat but...wives and kids too.

Sorry if anyone finds this post inappropriate or offensive, just in that place atm.

roz thanks so much for sharing. I was married to a vietnam vet and what those guys went thru was horrible. yes unfortunately many people suffer right along with the spouse that served. too many times we suffer the same nightmares and at times we take the brunt of the residual anger in them. (((hugs)))

i'm glad you understand bebop.....sometimes i feel watching them suffer is worse....but to them it can't be...they lived it ya know?

but yes...the residual anger is a hard one to know what to do with. we can't take their pain or anger but....wives feel pain and anger too. i really don't think that should be any less discounted....but don't wish to discount what the men go thru.

i'm sorry..... my head is just so screwed up over this tonite and i'm afraid to say how i really feel about it for fear of offending someone.

%#@&#!, where is a womans sargeant mother when she needs him?

how long has your husband been gone hon? if you would like we can make a private room sometime and talk about it. not many understand.

((((((bebop))))))

he been gone since July 05... but he died coz he didn't want to live no more.

something that not many civvies understand you know when it is combat related?

and yes please...private room would help sometime ty.

I am glad we had our talk tonight. I got to know you and where you are coming from. at least now you know you are not alone and you never have to go thru it alone ever again.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Roz)))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

((((((((((((((((((((((Bepop))))))))))))))))))))))))




huggies to you both love, Jin xoxoxoxoxoxo

thanks jinny

Thank You ((((((bebop))))))

The talk did help and knowing I am not alone and don't have to be again is the biggest help.

((((((((((((Kerry))))))))))))

love & hugs to you too hon. xxx

Families should get medals from the wars.

The survivors pay the highest price and that includes families.

welcome back my friend! I have missed you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Troy said:

The survivors pay the highest price and that includes families.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Troy....gotta say i agree....whether it is soldiers who survived when their buddies didn't...which leaves guilt galore...or wives, mothers, sisters who just couldn't "fix" the broken soldier no matter how hard they tried, how much they cared

thamks bebop ... i'd like to say glad to be back, but i'm not. it's like another failure. failed when i went away and failed when i came back, failing in other areas as well, failing and falling

im trying to stay away

hon you are not failing. I won't be on this afternoon but should be on tonight. take care hon

The soldiers give all they have ... all of it...for a bunch of uncaring, stupid, live-for-the-moment, suckers who will fall for any political bull that is offered. We should warn every prospective recruit that their service will be unrewarded and unappreciated. GIs don't go to war for the rewards, but it's crazy to wind up at the bottom of the heap being kicked around after being asked to sacrifice it all.

For many, the battle begins when the war is over. The battle against an unseen and undefined enemy that is self consuming.

Troy...i have to agree...new recruits have no idea of what is to come. They may see plenty of combat in movies etc, but that still doesn't prepare them for the actual reality of combat...and nobody tells them how they will be thrown away and discarded by the military when they are of no use to them any more.

And families...much as they love their men with all their heart...they are frequently ill-equipped to deal with the aftermath as i call it...and resources to help ex-serving men and their families are woefully inadequate too.

It saddens and angers me to see all these men go through, all they give, how it affects them and their families and at the end of it....they don't count for crap!

In truth, many families don't even want their soldiers to come home, or if they get home, they'd just as soon they leave as soon as possible.

Many guys I knew got dear john letters from wives and sweethearts (while they were in hospital recovering from combat wounds) - can you imagine?

Others made it home without some of their body parts, and of course, the families didn't know how to deal with this.

Just as important, the warrior doesn't know what's going on or how to deal with it. It's as frightening to the warrior as it is to the family. Is anybody listening here!?

And all of them brought home the memories. Many of them could box up the memories and act more or less normal, but there was no understanding of what they needed to survive. They didn't understand it and neither did their families. "That's just good ol' Joe. He never acted the same after the war."

And none of them could re-attach those relationships the way they used to be.

Can you imagine? *tears

ive met many of the homelss vets out on the streets... what you say is a sad reality for many troy.. i hope i dont offend but it isnt fair to say all people dont care... evidence of this forum is proof of the opposite.. i pray you all find peace and healing...

((troy)))))))
I want you to know there is hope...
I know you must have suffered alot.For that I am sorry

My ex father inlaw was a ww11 vet. Hurt very badly....I read all the letters he sent home. He suffered just as you said. And his wife suffered too. I read her letters. But she cared very deeply for him and him her.
He worked years to over come his injurys inside and out. The care he showed other vets was amazing. As I am sure you will too...
When he passed I have said this before I had a hard time getting a marker for him. Not due to the vets. But the cematary. Washington helped right away. They were great.

My cousin (child))was hurt in iraq. I have to say he is getting help.
There are ppl out there who understand and care....

My friends daughter lost her husband. Over there. She was helped alot by her family and friends and the vets. She still is
I just wanted you to know that ppl do care.
I know your pain is real....

But so many of us care.
I wanted you to know that
muffy

Vets are very important..
hope this was ok
I wanted you to know you matter

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Troy said:
In truth, many families don't even want their soldiers to come home, or if they get home, they'd just as soon they leave as soon as possible.

Many guys I knew got dear john letters from wives and sweethearts (while they were in hospital recovering from combat wounds) - can you imagine?

Others made it home without some of their body parts, and of course, the families didn't know how to deal with this.

Just as important, the warrior doesn't know what's going on or how to deal with it. It's as frightening to the warrior as it is to the family. Is anybody listening here!?

And all of them brought home the memories. Many of them could box up the memories and act more or less normal, but there was no understanding of what they needed to survive. They didn't understand it and neither did their families. "That's just good ol' Joe. He never acted the same after the war."

And none of them could re-attach those relationships the way they used to be.

Can you imagine? *tears

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Troy? Hope you don't think i'm trying to discount what the soldiers themselves go thru here? I'm just trying to say that wives, kids etc who do want to stand by them suffer in their own way too, we hurt too for the way our men get treated and discarded too.

Some of us DO really care!!!

And yes re-attachment IS hard for the soldiers...but also for families too who wish to stand by them, understand and help....coz our men come back...understandably...different people to when they left.

Hurt and tears all round.

I must apologize if my generalizations are too broad. Please forgive me because I do know that some people care. Maybe the majority of people care and they just have no way of being part of the solution.

Many loving families and family members care. As you say, they try to help the warriors return, but none of us know how to do this. And often, the vet's condition refuses the care and concern.

I'm an example of this ... it works like this ... just last night I was with a friend and there was a problem with a lamp. I stuck out my hand to show where the problem was at the socket, and another person who is close to me said, "Be careful, don't touch that." -- Now, an innocent situation, right?

But I was furious. I responded in a kind of gruff tone, "Just leave me alone," meaning, don't tell me how to do this. What I felt in side was *#(%H@5z! Don't you think I'm smart enough not to stick my finger in a live socket? Do you think I'm totally incompetent? Must I depend on you to do the simplest thing? I wish you'd just go away. )&*o_)_^*(^= I must really be a dumb a* if people think they have to tell me that.

And on and on. I was steamed for several minutes, all the time trying to calm myself down inside because I knew it was an innocent remark with no hidden meaning. But the thoughts kind of take control, no matter how much I recognize they are illogical. Even as I type this, I'm starting to get hyper again.

I don't know whether others could see that I was so agitated. I tried to engage in regular conversation while this was going on. I smiled, joked. And kept telling myself, calm down. It didn't mean anything.

The vets on the street deserve a lot of help, but having known several of them personally, I can say that they, too, sometimes refuse the help offered. (and not all of those on the street are really vets - some are pretenders). But even though I know all of this, I still want to help them, even the pretenders. Living on the street is a tough life, even without all the other problems many of these guys (and women) have. Most of them are just like you and me but with different (maybe more difficult) mental and physical problems.

LOL, what I meant to say before I started ranting and the other post got too long is ..... I think the families suffer more than the vets. The families of the dead GIs certainly suffer more. That soldier feels none of the pain and grief, but the families do, and it affects them for generations.

The families of the wounded soldier suffer. The families of the emotionally wounded soldiers suffer. And there is no recognition for these families. Family counseling? Group counseling? AA for family members? NA for wives and kids? Anger management classes? -- I hope these things are effective.

The vet can crawl inside his various mental compartments and escape sometimes, but even when he/she's in there, the family is dealing with the fall out. The vet has something to blame all of the problems on, but some family members tend to blame themselves for not being wise enough, strong enough to help the vet.

All I know is that family members deserve medals.

((Troy)))))
I think you are a great person
you deserve much respect
Muffy