Who's Reading This Stuff

Look at the number of "views" vs the number of "replies" in the right side column ... who's reading this stuff. It's scary to think that ppl read these secret inner thoughts and then just click off.

Thanks to all who make a comment. It lets me know others care (but that's not the reason my stuff gets posted - I'm sure that's not the reason others post here). The point is that it is scary to think that so many ppl are reading these secrets.

What will they think when we reveal the deepest, darkest secrets, those that lie behind these small talk posts we make. As with all of you who enter PsychCentral, my posts are just the tip of the ice burg (if it's ok to use a bad metaphor). Will anyone even greet us, even have a kind thought left when they get to the bottom of our being?

It is easy to see what ppl think when we reveal just a little of ourselves in conversation. They might smile or make some "kind" remark, but their fear of us, their repulsion is evident in their eyes and the way they change the subject.

When the rare occasion presents itself that I think the person really means that they wnt to know more, I find out that they really don't. After they've drawn me out and I've started some story, I can see the glaze that covers their eyes. I can see their nervousness, their anxiousness to get out of the "conversation" - whch by that point has become a monologue. And do I know enuf to shut up? Seldom. Usually, I realize their shift of attitude only after I've bored them to death and I'm awy from ther.

And then I feel twice bad - one for mistakingly thinking they wanted to know more and secondly for boring them (or scaring or whatever it is).

Did you ever notice that these people who you thought wanted to know more start to avoid you after these incidences? One guy even made a point of "coaching" me, telling me that he was truly sorry he had asked -- because I just drowned him in info. Well - what's he expect if he keeps nodding his head and asking follow up questions and encouraging me to talk. I couldn't have been more shocked that he was overwhelemed.

So - is it the same with those who come here and peek into my insides, glance behind the curtain that keeps me sain?

Who reads this stuff?

T.

Troy you are deep. I like deep though. I live in a subdivision in a county that is 85% not like me. I have 2 friends here who are like me and I talk to the other 150 who live life just grazing the surface. I think life needs depth. Many are scared of this maybe?

(((((((((((((( troy )))))))))))))))))))))))

I wanted to let you know that I occasionally read here though I don't always post, I do this in all forums that I visit I read more then I post. I totally understand what are you saying about a higher amount of views then replies, I think all areas of this site see a big difference between the two numbers.
As for who is reading? I don't really know but maybe they are helped by the posts that they read here, just knowing that they are not alone.

Troy
I think ppl read this who are suffering the same as all of us
some maybe afraid to post. not because of what any of us have said
But they could feel stuck as I call it
Never feel bad for sharing whats going on...if you can..
but i understand...

ppl read i think because they can connect...
they may just not be able to respond
please know you matter
muffy

Troy I agree with the others, sometimes its hard to post when its something triggering, or were just not sure what to say.

I appreciate you taking the time to post that.

Colleen

I read this post. Your title peaked my interest.

I am very guilty of lurking a lot. At first I 'lurked' a lot on all of the forums. Just trying to build courage to type something. That is my way though, sit back and observe. Especially when I am in the mode to protect myself which is almost always...And through the holiday weekend I have been off line for a long time so I have been catching up, so to speak, on what has been posted. I have not posted much while reading...

I admire greatly the courage that people here have both in putting their truth out there and supporting others. Reading about other's experiences has been healing on many levels for me.

I appreciate your honesty in posting this post and what you said in it also. I can relate to not feeling like the depth of my experience is welcome by others.

~Searching

Troy,

Don't forget, you don't have to be a member to read the forums, anyone surfing the web can read, so that might have a little something to do with it as well.

It would be great if there was a a button, like the "Thanks For This" thingy, that says "Thinking Of You," or something along those lines.

I know, how about an "I Hear You" button.

Hang in there.

I know exactly that feeling you describe--when you realize that whatever you've told someone, it was too much, and they don't want to hear anymore. I always want to scream, "It's too much for you to hear? Try living with it!"

On the forum, though, I think people often read and do not reply for lots of reasons. They don't feel they can be constructive; they don't know what to say; they're shy, etc. I know that I tend to read and not reply in some forums, like this one. Although I do have PTSD, it's not combat-related, so I don't want to butt in.

If there are lots of reads without as many replies, perhaps it will help to know that people are reading and resonating with your words, albeit silently.

Thanks for your input on this ... as I write this note, there have been 39 viewers and 7 replies (I guess a couple of those views are my own) - And "for crying out loud" - look at that post titled "Did you kill anyone" -- 314 views vs 26 replies... very scary to see that. Maybe the viewers are the same ppl who would ask that inane question.

I have to agree with your thoughts on this, but it still gives me the heebie jeebies to be "viewed" like that -- makes me feel like a zoo animal.

One of the effects of PTSD on me (well, at least I've come to blame it on PTSD) is a refusal to discuss my most horrific experiences because showing just the most simple things have made ppl look at me like some strange creature. Oh, they usually say some kind of compassionate thing at the time of the telling, but I can tell they think I'm weird because they never come around again, or they are very careful to only "talk about the weather" or some such thing...never wanting to open that box wher the ugly things live.

Someone asked whether my refusal of friendships is a fear of intimacy ... I think it's more of a fear of how they'll react when they get to know me...I'm not sure "fear" is the right word, but it describes what's going on.

And that business of ppl who are not part of the forum reading this stuff ... ugh ... that really makes me want to stick with the Direct Messages instead of the publicly read forum. I don't know what I'm going to do with all this awareness. Since I thought of it, I just wonder who are these people who read this stuff, who explore these forums where the nightmares hide, the voyeurs of our lives. It's probably not their fault they are like this - I could avoid posting at any time (and I've done that, only to return, drawn like a magnet -- maybe the same reasons as the readers).

Kind of makes me want to say to them "What the .... are you looking at?"
With a fist curled by my side, spring loaded, ready to fly through the air and contact a body part and make a memory for them.

Do you feel like you're caged in a zoo when you look at the number of views vs replies? What kind of reaction do you have to this? Should I just relax and forgetaboutit? My logic tells me that I'm just working myself up over nothing, but at the same time you can see my emotional response.

T.

((((((((((((( Troy ))))))))))))))))))

I can really understand your reaction, I think that you are making a valid point, it used to bother me. I have stopped looking at the numbers myself it's just the best way for me to handle it. In my experience some people who read but do not reply are helped by certain posts, I have received a few pms expressing this to me. In the end you have to do what is best for you, maybe ignoring the numbers is a good option for you but I don't think that you are overreacting because you are sharing some very personal things and I can see how a person would be bothered by people reading but not responding.

Actually each of us who have posted keep coming back to read the new posts so this increases the numbers also. I have posted twice but have come back to this thread several times now.

tnx gimmeice ... I know that I over react to most things, so I'm trying to be cautious about this. My first reaction was to just jump out of PC entirely. I've done that to other forums, and I've even avoided PC at times because of reactions like this. Nothing good came of that, so I'm trying to talk it through. Thanks for the hugs - thatz a reaction we can all understand.

T.

Hi Troy,

I am reading your posts. I am sorry I don't comment so much. My dad has combat PTSD from Vietnam. When I read people's posts here it helps me understand him some because he can't talk about it with me. So I thank you and everyone else. I learn so much from what you write. I admire you.

vienna

many yrs ago i read a book of poetry written by vietnam war vets.there was a poem in there about a soldier writing home to his parents,and it went something like this (i can't remember the exact words) "dear mom and dad,the weather here is fine,sunny and warm.the people here are friendly.there are alot of funny monkeys running around...love,your son".the father wrote back "now son,we know it must it be bad there.you can tell us the truth,don't hold anything back from us..." so the son writes back "dear mom and dad,today we deopped napalm on women and children.i bagged up the body parts of a few of my buddies..." then the father writes back "my god son,don't tell us anymore of that stuff--your mother and i can't handle it." so the son writes back "dear mom and dad,the weather here is fine,sunny and warm.the people here are friendly.there are alot of funny monkeys running around....." i find that most ppl can only handle the funny monkeys,altho i have revealed far too much to the wrong ppl in the past,even recent past.esp when i used to drink alcohol 17 yrs ago,hehe.thanks for bringing this subject up.

T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you - twice in one insomniatic night! kinda makes me laugh a little actually.

well, you don't scare me.

and, i happen to like the zoo!