Is there a policy on posting false generalizations/stereotypes, posting opinions as facts, and/or continually posting inaccurate information as if were fact/certain?

There are only a small handful of people who do this regularly on the forum as a whole, but where I post, it has become widespread. I am so triggered--because of how my mother continuously lied and distorted reality--that my place of support has become a place of panic attacks. I know that this person does not mean harm, and that this is not the past, and that she is not like my mother, but that doesn't stop the panic attacks.

I blocked this person, but s/he posts on nearly every thread in the forum I use, and I cannot avoid much of the content because others quote his/her posts. I've also tried to gently point this out, but either the person did not read my post or ignored my post.

Am I out of options?

Thank you

[Violet Blue]

I hope you can resolve this soon. I agree. The ignore button is not always the answer. I walked away from a forum due to a similar issues. The sad thing is, some people push their own opinions and their own personal experiences as the absolute only TRUTH, or they claim that whatever their T says is the only answer and that there is no other way. Giving advice like that is dangerous in my opinion. It's difficult for people who come to places like this seeking peer to peer support to be told they can't possibly be "x" because they don't exhibit "y" when some of the people stating those things have their own mental health issues. Good Luck skies_

[Livelonginspired]

I go through this a lot on the internet and face-to-face. Honestly, I think some people's views of the world may be "narrower" than some others'. It infuriates me and I'm still trying to learn how to cope with it, because I don't believe it can be stopped. To me, it just seems to be how people talk; as if the language itself is designed to promote and enable small-mindedness.

I don't know.

Sorry for the rant.

[eskielover]

I grew up with my dad who did that & then lived 33 years with a H who also did it truly believing that what he said from inside his head was the truth.....it was totally irritating & I still can't believe a word he says.....that was why I left him & am getting a divorce.

I find that some people don't always believe that their way of thinking is the only way....but their wording of their written word comes out that way....had that issue on FB just the other day in a heated discussion that was going on.....it's very annoying & triggering of past memories.

The way I handle it is to not address or engage with the person who's pushing my buttons, and if they directly address me in a way that I feel is disrespectful and/or harmful to me and my recovery process, I click on the "report post" icon (the red, white & black triangle located in the lower left corner of their post) and ask a moderator to address the issue for me.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Thanks for your valuable input and advice.

It's interesting reactions of anger were mentioned twice. I wondered why I was feeling angry there lately, and since my therapist and I are working on anger, I started to explore my feelings about it, but that's when the panic attacks started and the memories of my mother surfaced. I took some Ativan, and have been able to go back there since (to read but not participate).

However, I can't get my mind wrapped around that someone would not even acknowledge their behavior/have no insight into what they are dong after this has been pointed out to them repeatedly, and most recently, directly. In my experience, most people will at least acknowledge something like this, and at least be cognizant of how presenting false information can effect others. That's what is most triggering to me about this.

I know I'm overreacting, and mostly because there is enough diversity in the group to balance out the inaccuracies. I've seen many people there offer corrections to inaccurate information, including something I had been mistaken about, and it's usually well-received. Violet Blue, I can see how this could be dangerous if it was someone with a strong voice in a group who others followed for advice and guidance due to lack of their own knowledge on the subjects, but fortunately, this isn't something that is happening.

My therapist told me that as a child, my mother gaslighted me. I think the effect of that experience overweighs my ability to ignore the situation. I was hoping that there was a policy so that posts like that could be reported and addressed. At the very least, I had hoped general reminders could be sent or posted as stickies, but more likely this is something I'll have to deal with through avoidance. Many of us have our own triggers to deal with; unfortunately, maybe they can't all be addressed formally?

Maybe when I'm in a better place things will be different. I wish I could just delete this whole experience, but it's too late now.

[eskielover]

Maybe when I'm in a better place things will be different. I wish I could just delete this whole experience, but it's too late now.

Sometimes these experiences do help us grow into that better place even though it doesn't feel like it at the time.....it helps us open up areas that we have been keeping closed & protected so that we can process our reactions & learn how to better handle them in a more wise mind sort of way........

I know what you mean though....many things have come up that have taken me back to my dysfunctional parents & H & processing it with my psychologist was something I just brought up at our last appointment.....something that I had never talked about before....she was surprised that it was something that I struggled with.....our previous meeting had been left hanging with my comment....."I hated my H when he did that because it reminded me so much about what I didn't like about my father"......had to hold that thought & think about it for 2 weeks...but we had a good discussion about it this last time.

As not only did they state things as fact that weren't even the truth but they would ARGUE their point......can't believe I lived with it all my life...it was no wonder I had such a hard time wanting to communicate with people when I finally escaped that bad living environment.

[sabby]

skies_, I'm sorry you are having some difficulties in dealing with what triggers you on the forum(s). You are not alone in this as many of us have to deal with triggering information, members, opinions, etc.

As a communication forum, we can offer certain tools such as the ignore feature to help members in this area, and no, it's not a perfect fix all the time. There is a certain amount of personal responsibility that has to come into play in order to deal with our own triggers. Sometimes we can be very sucessesful in dealing with them and sometimes we struggle.

Unless a member is posting against our Community Guidelines, the Team has no way of taking action. We aren't here to judge who's opinions or personal truths are correct or incorrect. That is something for each individual member to decide when reading someone's posts. Each member can choose to accept or not accept what another has posted as to it's relevance.

Sometimes when we are struggling with our own healing process and emotions, we need to do what's best to control our triggers. Maybe it means taking a break from a particular forum for awhile, or at the very least only participate in a thread we create. Maybe, when we read something that triggers us, we get up from the computer and do something to take our minds off the trigger and the emotions we feel, going back to it later when feeling more calm and in better control. Maybe it's a matter of taking these issues to our T's and discussing our reactions to them and brainstorming to find better ways of dealing with them.

If you find something posted that you feel is against our Community Guidelines, please feel free to report the post to the Team. It's anonymous and no one knows but the Team. We'll look into the issue and take any action that the Guidelines allow us to take, if any. I hope you find a way to work through the problems you are having.

[Gus1234U]

i'm just sure i have been told repeatedly that the primary rule of posting in another person's thread is to "be supportive". if a post is not supportive, then isn't it in violation of the site rules ?

how can posting an opinion that contradicts the OP's be considered supportive? and shouldn't the OP (original poster) get to decide what is supportive? i wonder these things~

[lizardlady]

Skies_, I had a similar experience recently. Amoung other steps I took to take care of myself, I am avoiding the forum that disturbed me for awhile. As others have pointed out, and I needed to be reminded myself, it is up to each of us to take care of ourselves. I'm not dising you. I'm encouraging you to take care of yourself.

Having said that, I would encourage you to report any posts that you believe violate community rules. IMHO, someone posting negative stereotypes about a group would be questionable.


posted by Gus

i'm just sure i have been told repeatedly that the primary rule of posting in another person's thread is to "be supportive". if a post is not supportive, then isn't it in violation of the site rules ?

how can posting an opinion that contradicts the OP's be considered supportive? and shouldn't the OP (original poster) get to decide what is supportive? i wonder these things~

possible trigger warning......



I've seen frequent debates about what is supportive and what isn't. I'm going to stay my opinion. I don't believe that we have to agree with a poster in order to be supportive. Prime example would be if someone posted they wanted to kill themself. I don't think we would be supportive if we agreed with them. I believe most members would encourage that person to get some real world help.

[DocJohn]

You can disagree with someone, as long as you do so in a respectful manner, and be certain to note that it is only your opinion or experience. Context is usually important, so it's not a black and white issue when it comes to what's "supportive" and what's not.

We always keep in mind that this is first and foremost a self-help community for folks with mental health, relationship or emotional concerns. Everything else is of secondary importance.

Best,
DocJohn

[-jimi-]

It's easy to get hurt from not getting seen. And that happens when someone "has all the answers". It happens that someone had a problem and he can't see anything than his own cause and his own solution. So then he tries to tell others to do the same. It's not really him trying to be nasty, but it still hurts because it is projection and makes someone unseen and maybe even told they have feelings they don't and so on. I can see how this is totally triggering. Many people tell me I feel what I don't feel and it makes me lose the ground under my feet.

Still I can't expect them to be perfect. Many people simply cannot see things from another view than their own. I can't tell them to suddenly develop that trait.

What I can do is telling them thanks, but that does not apply to me. And if they continue "knowing me better than I know myself" I can ask them kindly to leave me alone. If they then start up things to be angry with me, I think that is cause for reporting.

[ifst5]

Have you thought maybe of challenging this person? You don't need to do so aggressively but instead ask for facts/links - you're entitled to do that. Other than that you can message the person privately and express your concern, you don't have to expect them to do anything but sometimes honest feedback can be enough to encourage people to want to change. Other than that you might have to concede that some parts of PC will be off limits to you for a period of time. PC can't always be what we want it to be - it's just not reasonable to expect otherwise. I find attendance and posting frequency goes in waves - a member who posts a lot at the moment may not do in the upcoming weeks. Not everyone can be here all the time and post as such - maybe it's easier to monitor when they're posting less and jump in only when you're sure you'll be clear of them for a while. I hope you find a solution soon.

[Can't Stop Crying]

My favorite quote is "cite your source" when someone is posting opinions as facts. I think it is non-confrontational, but allows the OP to question the source of the information. Also, I sometimes say, "just curious about....."

I like this idea too:

a member who posts a lot at the moment may not do in the upcoming weeks. Not everyone can be here all the time and post as such - maybe it's easier to monitor when they're posting less and jump in only when you're sure you'll be clear of them for a while

sometimes I check who is in a particular forum before posting.

IDK - just a few ideas...

[archipelago]

I'm sorry that the issue is triggering. It sounds like this is something that could be handled by a moderator as a private message type of thing. I have known that this was regularly done on a Buddhist site when members were posting opinions as if they were truths, thereby misleading and possibly harming others, especially more vulnerable members who were less experienced.

I have a pet peeve related to this issue. People think that all opinions are equal, including equally valid. But if you really think about that, it is an impossible thing. People may believe that others have an equal right to hold or state an opinion, but the validity is not automatically equal. Some are closer to the truth than others. Some are more informed than others. Some more wise from experience than others. And it isn't entirely arbitrary how such things are weighed. There are ways to verify, check, support things, even if not done afterwards.

If all opinions were equal, we would believe both that the sun went around the earth and that the earth went around the sun. How could both possibly be true or equal? Nonsense. Believing people have equal rights to free speech is entirely different from the idea that all opinions are equal. And free speech is not an absolute right anyway and never has been.

[allme]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

i'm just sure i have been told repeatedly that the primary rule of posting in another person's thread is to "be supportive". if a post is not supportive, then isn't it in violation of the site rules ?

how can posting an opinion that contradicts the OP's be considered supportive? and shouldn't the OP (original poster) get to decide what is supportive? i wonder these things~

I may not agree with OP but then if I believe that my contradictory belief might help, or lend a broader insight, I will reply.

I would hate to think ppl were just lending blind support without sharing their true feelings or thoughts on the situation.

As long as it isn't abusive in any way, I believe ppl should be free to voice their true feelings/thoughts _ Afterall, all OP's are posting on a public forum, they can't expect to get along with EVERYONE or have everyone that believes in what they believe.

As for posting opinions as facts, I don't know...I don't do this.

[DocJohn]

There are scientific facts, and then their are opinions. If someone is suggesting a fact isn't a fact -- especially when it comes to a mental health issue (the primary reason we're here for) -- you should report that post. Some people may disagree with whether a fact actually is a fact, and again, the post should be reported so the moderation team can take a look at whether there's something there that needs our attention.

There are other things where the facts aren't yet known or agreed upon. That's where it is perfectly fine to state an opinion which may not be in the majority, but that you nonetheless hold.

For instance, some people believe medical marijuana may help with a range of different kinds of mental illness. Others believe not. There's very little research on this issue to help inform our opinion one way or another. (Conducting research with marijuana has, in the past, been extremely difficult because the federal government controlled all such research use, and basically approved very little.)

So right now, the facts aren't really known and so people are welcomed to express their opinion. "Well, I've been taking it for a medical condition, and it's actually helped my mood a lot as well." or "I tried it, and it just made me feel worse and triggered another depressive episode in me."

Hope this helps clarify the issue further.

DocJohn

[MoxieDoxie]

No, you're not entitled to your opinion

Good Article

[Open Eyes]

Wouldn't it be nice if the media was held more responsible for posting more accurate information?

One day I was looking at one topic the media discussed and OMG, it is XYZ, no it is ABC, no it is really neither, no, it is really XYZ.

[eskielover]

MoxieDoxie.....great article....great prof. Wish I had one like that back in the dark ages of my college. I fought & was continually embarrassed by a father who would argue his opinion as truth when it didn't have a shread of truth in it then ended up with a H who did the same thing after promising myself I would never marry anyone like my dad....found education level doesn't guarantee it not to happen....just happens at a different level

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I577 using Tapatalk 2

[lizardlady]

Good article Moxiedoxie, with a good explanation of the difference between fact and opinion.

I was afraid to come back here to see what i had written. It's sort of like waking up the next day after a party where you had to much to drink and finding out the things you did and said...

This was written when I had a really bad PTSD reaction, sorry. I ended up refraining from posting until my situation passed. That seems to be the best thing to do. My mother used to distort reality, gaslight me, and try to tell the relatives, neighbors, etc, that her children ruined her life. Spreading around false information that people would believe. At first, I didn't know i was slipping into re-experiencing my past. I started getting paranoid too. So I am very sorry.

The people who do this are very supportive people, tremendously. There is no way i was talking about not supporting others' opinions. I was only talking about distorting the truth. I really like debate and differences of opinions here, and I want to clarify that I meant stuff like these examples:

1) In response to someone asking about the possibility of taking ADD medication for treatment-resistant depression:

false: a psychiatrist should never prescribe you ADD medications if you do not have ADD

true: some psychiatrists might not prescribe you ADD medications if you do not have ADD

2) in response to a poster stating her therapist answered the phone in session 1 time in 6 months:

probably false/false only having the information above: your therapist is unethical

true: regularly answering the phone in sessions is generally considered poor practice

3) In response to someone asking about psychoanalytic therapy

false: psychoanalysts are cold and blank slate and can't help with your 'transference and attachment issues'

true: psychoanalysts are known in the field as the experts in transference and use it as the primary therapeutic tool. The concept of Freudian analyst is from a century ago, and most analysts study and train about object relations and attachment theory, and have been employing relational psychology for several decades

Since I started the thread, I just wanted to clarify that the non-truths is what initially triggered me, but it's just my issue, and i know what to do next time it happens. Usually, i just tolerate or try to post a correction to those kinds of statements, sometimes with a link to support.

So yes, everything is fine. Everyone is very supportive here. I have had little to zero problems in the year + I've used this forum and moderation here is excellent. I'm sorry for starting a thread when i was in a state of emotional dysregulation. It is quite embarrassing to come back and read the thread.

Thanks again.

[sabby]

Thank you skies_ for your explanation of why you started this thread. Life is a learning experience and we are all a work in progress. It looks like you have made progress and are working towards doing your best self care.

At this time I am going to close this thread.