[here today]

One of the things that PsychCentral has helped me with is learning to recognize and respond when someone "accuses" or judges another in such a way that an accusation is implied.

For most of my life, my recognition and response system to that was numbed out. Wasn't a part of "me" (although of course it was, it's complicated if you haven't had that).

So, I've responded sometimes on PC, got accusations or defense reactions back at me, and learned a good deal in a relatively safe place. Couldn't do that in family of origin, no other "safe place" out in the real world, even in a group therapy I tried.

Thanks, PC!!

But I noticed something again today, the OP seemed to be handling it OK, so I didn't "jump in" to defend her. The semi-judgment or attitude could be a possibly interesting topic for another thread, but I'm not sure that there would be that much interest and so I don't want to put my stuff "out there" for my personal sake at this point.

Clearly, I was calling out people's veiled accusations and judgments for my own reasons. I think, luckily, it's contributed to the community in the forums where I've done it, too.

So, maybe it's just that now I can choose more judicially when and where I do it based on my own needs and my perception of potential community benefit, and not a co-dependent need to "rescue" somebody else?

Does that make sense? Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Quarter life]

Referencing our own experiences...yet presenting them in general terms is usually the best way to go in my opinion.

[KarenSue]

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by here today

Clearly, I was calling out people's veiled accusations and judgments for my own reasons...

So, maybe it's just that now I can choose more judicially when and where I do it based on my own needs and my perception of potential community benefit, and not a co-dependent need to "rescue" somebody else?

Does that make sense? Any thoughts or suggestions?

I try to put the other person first, the community second and myself last. When I see "veiled accusations and judgments", bad advice or whatever, I first try to see whether and/or how the OP is being affected...and then do (or not) as I would want done (or not) for me.

[Open Eyes]

Clearly, I was calling out people's veiled accusations and judgments for my own reasons. I think, luckily, it's contributed to the community in the forums where I've done it, too.

So, maybe it's just that now I can choose more judicially when and where I do it based on my own needs and my perception of potential community benefit, and not a co-dependent need to "rescue" somebody else?

I think it's important to find a balance with doing both. The idea of the site is that of "support". So that is finding a balance to do self care, but to also recognize that sometimes others can be having a hard time, might be experiencing a gang up on situation and could use some help even if it's in a PM where you can reach out to that member to say, "you are not being treated nicely and I am sorry".

I've been to many forums, and the point to understand is that, almost no one can understand you. People respond from a different place. They think you can be strong, where implied accusations could be found. Most people who initiate threads write to vent, and to feel there is someone hears them. But many don't know how to empathize. It's easier to suggest help.