I am trying to find my way around the new format.. and would like clarification..

1 social groups can be created by anyone??
2 they can be exculsive...
3 the "new" 2 social T groups... the one polical one is open to everyone.. the other one is for therapists only??? so excludes... "just clients"...

4) so.. as an example has been made.. I could create one for my profession... make it... exlusive.. and... set the criteria.. and.. no one would be allowed.. to join.. except.. who I deemed.. as owner of that group.. as "belonging".... having the qualifications... within my profession??

5) and.. this is a good thing ... exclusive social groups?? if it is "good".. why does it make me feel so terrible???

freewill..

[cantstopcrying]

I don't know the hows and why of setting a social group to private, but if you're looking for an un-private one, come join us in the books group! We'd love to have you--and you wouldn't have to feel bad. I know what you mean, though. It kind of feels like a "keep out" sign. Always makes me wonder what's up behind that door.

((( freewill )))

If you remember, we went through a similar situation with people feeling hurt and excluded with the creation of the Private Poohbah Forum. It saddens me that, once again, people are feeling this way.
I suppose this will pass too.

This is what I had to say back in 2006 about it.

Speaking only for myself and the feelings this thread brought up for me, I can honestly say it has nothing to do with contributions or money. I am a contributor, yet I was/am offended.

It has more to do with exclusion, secrecy, and entitlement issues from my past, as well as equality and matters of respect in the here and now.

Victims of abuse, physical, sexual, verbal, domestic, whatever, frequently experience feelings of shame, guilt, isolation, powerlessness, embarrassment, and inadequacy. And that is what it stirred up in me.

I know this is my own stuff. I own it fair and square. If I didn't have issues like this, I wouldn't be seeking support from a mental health forum in the first place.

I still feel the same way about it today.

[cantstopcrying]

Kind of reminds me of sitting alone at the lunch table at school. I agree 100% with what you say.

Good post.

To me, it seems a little like a private club or something. I can understand why one would want their group to be private, I can see both sides, I just think on a site of this nature, it causes more harm than help. When something is private, it's only natural to wonder what's going on it it.

For me, it can spark feelings of paranoia. It's like when, in school, you'd see two people gossiping in the hall- when you walk by, you wonder if they were talking about you. I am certain nothing of this nature goes on in any of the social groups, but it still is a feeling that comes up in me.

Respect to everyone.

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

Speaking only for myself and the feelings this thread brought up for me, I can honestly say it has nothing to do with contributions or money. I am a contributor, yet I was/am offended.

It has more to do with exclusion, secrecy, and entitlement issues from my past, as well as equality and matters of respect in the here and now.

Victims of abuse, physical, sexual, verbal, domestic, whatever, frequently experience feelings of shame, guilt, isolation, powerlessness, embarrassment, and inadequacy. And that is what it stirred up in me.

I know this is my own stuff. I own it fair and square. If I didn't have issues like this, I wouldn't be seeking support from a mental health forum in the first place.

[multipixie9]

i agree completely with what has already been said about private/exclusive groups.

i will own my feelings too. i was often excluded for no good reason growing up and it cut like a knife inside my heart.

i have nothing else to add.

leslie

[pachyderm]

I think one of the reasons that some social groups were created was to allow discussion of the type that is discouraged in regular forums. Discussion of religion is one example -- politics is another. So there are advantages and disadvantages to this type of forum. In any case, no one has to join a group or read it if it offends. There is plenty of room here outside of those areas.

FWIW.

[Fuzzybear]

[DocJohn]

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. Yes - within limits. We wouldn't allow a KKK group, for instance
5. Social groups are an optional feature, just like photos and reviews. If you don't like or agree with them, simply don't use them.

Some people in a community join the local Kiwanis club, some don't. Some like knitting, others don't. A social club is just that -- a place where a like-minded group of people can hang out together that share some purpose or background.

I'd also point out that we have men-only and women-only forums, and people have learned to adapt to them and understand their value to each group. People have been asking me for this kind of functionality for years, so I'm happy to be able to finally provide it. Change is difficult, but that's why we're all given choices too -- we can choose whether to participate or become members of such groups or not.

My logical mind agrees with you 100% pachy.

Unfortuantely, it's my emotional mind that has "the bleeding heart" syndrome (you know, like how I feel about the Friends Request thingy-ma-bob) and my emotional side is the very reason I came here for support, so I didn't feel isolated, inadequate and excluded.

But it's my stuff, my issues, and my problem and my opinion certainly doesn't matter in any group or in the grand plan, so I just try to make some sense out it and hope others who are feeling bad can do the same.



Hugs to those hurting.

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Change is difficult, but that's why we're all given choices too -- we can choose whether to participate or become members of such groups or not.

I think this thread was talking more about groups that are created by invite only that will be going to a private forum.

Not everyone can choose to participate though.

They're not invited. That's the issue. It makes some people feel inferior. This happened with the Private Forum as well.

But like I said, it's our stuff and we own it. We'll figure something out. Maybe a support group for those who continue to feel labeled as "less-than."

I'm happy you can give them the tools they ask for. That must be a great feeling for you and them.

I also hear you loud and clear about change being difficult.

I won't revisit the issue of our hurting members again.

It's just that some of them were afraid to post their true feelings for fear of repercussions. And me, being a bleeding heart, felt I needed to speak for them.

[Kiya]

Yep. I wanted to be in the spirituality forum - but anything i post there gets locked or deleted. now - nothing gets locked or deleted since i made the group lol - and it is open; to people who walk that path. i'm not going to allow myself or others to get burned for their beliefs so... now we've a place that is the closest thing to "safe" it's gonna get. yay! which is great, cuz i was considering syaing "hasta luego" . all ppl have to do is say "i wanna be in it because this is my path" and boom, yer in.

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I think one of the reasons that some social groups were created was to allow discussion of the type that is discouraged in regular forums. Discussion of religion is one example -- politics is another. So there are advantages and disadvantages to this type of forum. In any case, no one has to join a group or read it if it offends. There is plenty of room here outside of those areas.

FWIW.

[SeptemberMorn]

On the other hand, there are some of us who felt excluded from the Spirituality Forum and before that we felt persecuted and harrassed. Having the ability to have a safe place to congregate and share our beliefs is a blessing.

It's not like we're behind closed doors and everything is secretive. It's not. Anyone can read what is posted on the board and anyone who can be respectful of the guidelines is welcome to come to chat. There's nothing hidden from the rest of the members. The only thing that is missing for the members of my group is the harrassment we used to receive. I'm very grateful to Doc John for affording us the added safety net.

[allthegirls6]

I think the issue is around invite only social groups who's aim is to become a forum that can be accessed by only those who are chosen. Such a forum would not be open to every one and it it this that causes concern. Safety tools are very good, im glad about them, but this has no relation to secret forums that are invite only. Its exclusive and thats where the problems start.

[Lenny]

I think I understand the sensitivities being expressed here. It can be hard to feel excluded.

I can also see the point in creating these sub forums for discussions that were sensitive to the general population.

For me,,I try not to take much of anything personal,,unless it is specifically pointed to or at me...and even then I try to consider motives and source.

In the case of these sub groups,,,I haven't been invited to any, but neither have I expressed any interest in discussing subjects that are not beneficial to our complete membership...That is why I joined this community,,to learn from the community and to discuss issues within the parameters of it's mission.

If I wanted to discuss religion, I would have joined a religious forum and if I wanted to learn to knit,,likewise..

But our host is afforded complete authority to administer his creation. He believes it is in the best interest of PC to offer these "rooms off the hall" for folks to congregate and discuss issues that may be offensive to some. It is harmless unless we take it personally and see it as an exclusion rather than an opportunity for lessening offensive remarks to our general membership and the new person walking through the door..

Like IRL,,,I could care less what they talk about next door,,it's none of my business,,but if you come to my window and boast your views or insinuate that you are special for your secrets,,I will find a way to exclude you...

IMHO.

Lenny

[SeptemberMorn]

Lenny, I'd like to thank you again and again and again, ad infinitum, for your kind views and comments.

[allthegirls6]

Lenny, i dont think you understand. Of course people should have a place to go where they can discuss what they want. That was the purpose of the social groups. I dont think the aim was to set up an exclusive group that had within its goals exclusion of others. The thing with the group we are all talking about is that not anyone can join. Its not open to all interested parties. It has been restricted to those ina little group that seem to feel they can only speak in secret. Its really sad this is happening here and if it was a straight forward as joining a group tp learn how to knit it would not be a problem. Thing is, its not quite that. Its a little more important and certainly a bigger issue than knitting

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by allthegirls6

Lenny, i dont think you understand.

That is certainly quite possible. I have such a tiny view of the world it doesn't surprise me that I wouldn't understand.

As I often say,,I can only speak for myself,,,these are my fingers I type with...

So...

I simply don't care if some folks have an exclusive place they call their own for whatever purpose they feel they need one...The facility exists for them to have one,,it has been provided by the host and owner of this site. This forum is not a social competetion. It is a mental health forum where people share their experience, strength and hope with each other with the desire of moving forward. As with all social groups, like all things in nature,,there are gatherings of likenesses, which seem to offer support for their specific mission,,,whatever that may be. I am not designed to support all missions. If I was to follow your logic,,then all PMs should be open to public scrutiny so that no relationships could exist without everyone knowing the aspects of each and every one.

So be it,,,

So please allthegirls,,,help me understand,,how any group's personal need to gather together should in any way distort, threaten or remove your rights to this forum and its wonderfull services.

With care,

Lenny

[(JD)]

I'm posting this to put anyone's mind at rest regarding the social group Mental Health Care Professionals being an "invite only."

We will NOT under any circumstances be discussing any of the other members here.

It is for the support of those connected somehow with providing good mental health support for others. Just like it's isn't a good thing for your own therapist to discuss his or her personal issues with you in session, and how they go to their own mentor or therapist, this will provide similar support to those who are also members here, dealing with their own personal mental health issues or such. I hope you wouldn't want to deny them that private support.