[Rev1928]

I wasn't sure what part of the forum to put this in. I don't have a diagnosis, but I have many symptom of cptsd, I was bullied throughout most of my life, and have been seeing therapists for it for a few years. I also have bipolar II, social anxiety, and I'm a recovering amphetamine addict.

I've been getting extremely angry a lot lately. And it could be at anyone or anything. When I take one of our dogs on a walk, he pulls all over the place, and I can become so worked up I feel like beating him. I feel disgusting for having these thoughts, like I'm someone who's just that low.

I guess I have a big inferiority complex. I've been isolated for 4 years, I have body image problems, I feel like an ugly pathetic loser.

There seems to be so many very minor things that set me off.

Now I'm taking a class at a community college. I have to research an artist, write a paper on him, and paint a painting in his style. Lately I'm worried that I can get through that. Sometimes I'm too afraid to do anything out of a fear of getting triggered.

I don't know what to think right now. I'd just like some feedback or support. When I first came to this website I felt an incredible sense of community and connection, like we are all in this together. I cried over that. I think I'm desperate for that feeling, yet I can't demand it.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hang in there (((Rev)))

I found a great article written by Doc John:

Coping with Combat PTSD | World of Psychology

It is a 3 minute read.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I think you're right about the sense of community here on pc. Sometimes I just ask for virtual hugs and words of support if I'm looking for that connection here - there's nothing wrong with asking for some comfort that way. Sounds like you have a lot going on that's limiting your ability to engage in the things you want to. Are you seeing a therapist or counsellor? They can help a great deal with cptsd symptoms and the support they provide can be very valuable.

[Rev1928]

I'm in a psycho-social rehabilitation center right now. I have groups twice a week and see a therapist there once a week. It's been very helpful, getting support and validation. I've been practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques a lot.

[Babysteps4me]

I think it's great that you can ask for support! I have trouble doing that for fear of nobody responding. It sounds to me as if you are working really hard on getting better. Keep doing all that you are doing ((HUGS))

[Rev1928]

Thanks for the support. I had another episode of this overwhelming feeling and depression again. When I'm in it it seems unbearable, and at a certain point I won't care about getting out of it; I just want it to stop. I used to drink or do drugs when this happened, but I've come too far to go back to that, which would only make me feel worse. There are moments when I feel like this is hopeless, which scares me since I haven't felt that way since I was hospitalized in July of last year, (and when I was triggered in December), but it's happening more often.

On the bright side, I've been running. I ran 6.5 miles a couple days ago and 2 miles earlier today after I had that episode.
I remind myself everyday that I can make it through these spells, but when I look at a bigger picture I feel like I'm still barely functional.

I try to hang on to the fact that I am doing my best, and even if I feel like giving up at times, I am not giving up. I feel a little triumphant almost everyday.

[Babysteps4me]

Keep it up-I am going through one of my many episodes right now! I wish I could run like you are doing! That is really something to be proud of