[NoGreaterLove11]

Sometimes I feel completely empty like I'm not connected to my friends or my family. It makes me feel like i should just kill myself because I can't like have relationships or be normal. I'm almost 27 and I've never had an intimate relationship and I feel like it's too late to start now I can't connect emotionally to people the way normal people do. I almost feel like I'm dead inside already. I don't see my life getting any better and it's very hard to think about the future because I don't see myself having a family or being happy and I don't want to live if my life is just going to be the same as it is now.I don't know what to do

[LittleLeah]

I'm sorry to hear that. While I can't say I know exactly what you're going through I can relate. Even being in an intimate relationship doesn't help the emptiness go away, it just makes me feel more empty and lonely because I can't connect and he can't relate. I'm sorry that I can't give you more hope but I can say that you are not alone.

[Parva]

I have, and often still do, feel very much like you. My ability to form intimate attachments was destroyed (my therapist might say 'altered', the DSM might say 'disorganized') as a child, so I feel alone, lost, hopeless, and isolated for much of my life. I'm telling you this because even with as bad as things still get for me, therapy has helped a lot. I'm not done yet, by a long way, but it can help. It's sooooooo slow, though, and there's soooo much pain in the process.

As LittleLeah wrote, there are people here that relate to what you go through, and we want to stick together to ease the pain for each other. Feel free to PM.

[Open Eyes]

Well, you have been hurt, it's understandable that trusting is such a challenge for you. PTSD does have these symptoms of detachment, I experience that challenge myself and I have made some gains on it because I am more consciously aware of it now. I think each individual has to work through whatever areas they were hurt, have it validated and slowly work towards developing a sense of personal boundaries and control again. You have to understand you are human and all humans experience challenges of trust on some level and what helps is seeing how you more apart of then separate from and alone.

Have you worked with a therapist?

[RavensPOE]

Originally Posted by NoGreaterLove11

Sometimes I feel completely empty like I'm not connected to my friends or my family. It makes me feel like i should just kill myself because I can't like have relationships or be normal. I'm almost 27 and I've never had an intimate relationship and I feel like it's too late to start now I can't connect emotionally to people the way normal people do. I almost feel like I'm dead inside already. I don't see my life getting any better and it's very hard to think about the future because I don't see myself having a family or being happy and I don't want to live if my life is just going to be the same as it is now.I don't know what to do

I was molested and raped from ages 3-10 by a male physician.
I am 44 years old. I have had 2 failed marriages. Neither one lasted
any longer than 3 years.

Every time I try to be with someone in an intimate relationship--
they trigger my PTSD. I start having anxiety attacks during intimacy.
And, the person I am with?...turns into the doctor raping me all over again.

After my 2nd marriage failed...and by then--I knew it was ME
and not the person I was with?...I stopped dating. I have not been on a single
date since my 2nd marriage ended over a decade ago.

Between my 1st and 2nd marriage I fell in love with the most wonderful man.
He was a Vietnam vet. He was 20 years older than me.
And...we were like peas and carrots.
He had PTSD from the war...at the time--I did not know that PTSD
had a name.

Guess what? NONE of my triggers ever went off in the bedroom
when I was with him! Not once...NOT EVER.
I knew...beyond any reasonable doubt that he was in love with me.

While he survived Vietnam...he did not survive the PTSD of it.
He dropped dead of a heart attack 2 months before our wedding.

I have NEVER recovered.

BUT...as my therapist has pointed out--THAT relationship proved to me
that I could have a normal, loving relationship.

Don't give up.
You aren't required to date someone who is "normal."
My therapist is wonderful. Keep searching for one that fits you--
if you haven't found one yet. He has also said that if I do find someone--
they need to be in therapy with me...to understand my PTSD.

He also said...that since my fiancee had PTSD too...that we smoothed
each other in certain situations...THAT is why I never had triggers
with him in the bedroom.

It is much easier to relate to someone who has been abused,
or witnessed horrors.....and has a few issues.
NORMAL people can only comprehend..they cannot understand.