[NoGreaterLove11]

I have a huge problem with relationships. I would say romantic ones but I've never really had any. I isolate because I can't handle the fact that a person might hurt me or leave. I can't control people so I push them away, it's just more comfortable that way. I feel so messed up because everyone I know is in a relationship or starting a family and I've always been a lone. It makes me feel less then human.

[TishaBuv]

Say you found someone and had a relationship with them and they left you, what do you think would happen then that would be so terrible?

[cur0]

I have the same issue :/

I know the feeling of being "less than human" very well.

I guess you have to ask yourself some difficult questions. It does not sound like you want to end up alone. However, your fear of relationships is based on fears that, from what you have told us, are not based on prior bad relationships. Rather, your behavior is based on a belief of what happens when relationships end. You need actual experiences to confirm if your feelings are really true, partially true or not true at all.

Sometimes the end of a relationship is a good thing. When it's not working out, it's good to end it for the sake of BOTH people involved. Trying relationships is good because that's how you find out what you want and what you don't want; what you like and what you don't like; what you can tolerate and what you can't tolerate and where you need to improve yourself so that you are a suitable partner. In short, relationships are a lot of work. Learning to trust is not easy for some people. But, you can discuss your issues with a T, and/or close friends and even your potential romantic partners so that they know where you're coming from. Let them know in advance that if it's not working out to please let you know gently.

Dating someone who has a lot of patience is a good start. Of course, someone who wants to rush into sex is not the type of person that you're looking to meet. Delaying dating only makes things harder in the long run. So my advice is this: make friends - as many as you can, talk to them and see who they recommend for dating and who they do not recommend for dating and take it from there. Naturally, you only date those folks who are on the "recommended" list. And, because you have friends, you have an emotional support group to turn to when needed. You can do it!

[TishaBuv]

We meet people all the time. We hit it off with some of them and become either friends or romantically involved. We are mutually attracted for whatever reasons.

We are all on our journey in life. Sometimes those relationships last a lifetime, sometimes they are short lived. I've had best friends that I lost touch with because one of us moved away. We just mutually let go, accepting that the close friendship was only during that time in our lives and met new people to befriend.

I've been a serial monogamist since I was a teenager. The relationships were good and fulfilling. They ended because of the usual reasons; didn't truly love them, didn't want to commit to them. The break ups were sad. But I treated them with care, and the ones who treated me badly, I got over and moved on.

I did not think of myself as a bad person because someone rejected me. They just didn't really love me or want me for whatever their reason was.

Every relationship will end. 'Till death do us part...or sooner. That's life.

[TishaBuv]

It's interesting how you called this "control". You can't control people's feelings. You can't control relationships, and if you try, it will make people run from you.

There's a song: "Hold on loosely and don't let go, If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control".

P.S. The hurt of the rejection of ones I loved who didn't love me deeply hurts and is very hard to get over. I think I really have an issue with it because of my relationship with my father, who died when I was 12. But it does not stop me from loving with all my heart and allowing myself to get hurt (and I have been hurt). I let those people go graciously, but hurt about it. That's OK. Hurting and loving and living is better than nothing.

[Open Eyes]

When a person is traumatized and develops PTSD it can be very hard to have a new relationship or have a healthy relationship if already in one. A lot depends on the kind of trauma an individual experienced and their personal history. Also, a lot depends on how well an individual was validated and supported with whatever traumatized them too. It is important that an individual spend time with the right help to work on their regaining their sense of self trust again as often one of the deep roots of the injury is self disappointment that one did not have a way to prevent the trauma from taking place to begin with.

It is understandable that you would use the word "control" too because if someone is traumatized by another person, or several people in some way, the realization of how little control one has over others has become very personal, enough where a person suffered a major loss or a personal sense of "boundaries" has been traumatically violated.

Each individual will need to spend time regaining their own unique sense of loss, and often the individual has to learn how whatever they lost has affected them as often with PTSD that loss tends to run deeper than an individual understands on a conscious level.
Patience with self is very important when it comes to slowly healing.