[Trace14]

My first T with EOC, not sure you could call her a T, but for respect I will. She told me I was stoic. Kind of ticked me off, so I stopped seeing her and went on to find another T since I still had insurance. One said she was surprised that I didn't cry. So up to date now a guy from the HOA said that he liked me being on the board because I was so emotionless and saw things on a factual basis.
I can see where being emotionless or numb could be a benefit. But that's not who I used to be. I've always been a people person and worked in public service. It's like my soul has left me. Anyone else gone through something like this?

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Trace14

My first T with EOC, not sure you could call her a T, but for respect I will. She told me I was stoic. Kind of ticked me off, so I stopped seeing her and went on to find another T since I still had insurance. One said she was surprised that I didn't cry. So up to date now a guy from the HOA said that he liked me being on the board because I was so emotionless and saw things on a factual basis.

I can see where being emotionless or numb could be a benefit. But that's not who I used to be. I've always been a people person and worked in public service. It's like my soul has left me. Anyone else gone through something like this?

You are describing my daughter. When she broke her leg when she was 12 the pediatric doctor in the ER said she was the most stoic child she had ever seen. My daughter cuts off her emotions. One of my support people said she probably had PTSD from a traumatic experience she had a few years ago. I'm trying to prevent the development of c-PTSD in my daughter. My therapist is working on getting a psychiatrist for her to do an evaluation . The pediatric psychiatrist I took her totally dismissed what I was reporting to him.

I tell you this story because I think it illustrates the seriousness of untreated trauma and to encourage you to have compassion for yourself.

I hope this has been useful.

I can also say when one of my first p docs treating my c PTSD I was mad that I started feeling grief. My ACA sponsor wanted me to start working with my grief but it was too much for me. I'm now working on my reactivity with my new therapist, however that is a different problem then you have. I did have a PD and I still have some residue from that.


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[Open Eyes]

It's like my soul has left me. Anyone else gone through something like this?

Yes, I have felt this way myself. I too have embraced looking at the challenge on a more scientific level, I found it was better then being "afraid" because I was already very fearful, there is a lot of "fear" with PTSD. Something is "lost" and it was traumatic.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Yes, I have felt this way myself. I too have embraced looking at the challenge on a more scientific level, I found it was better then being "afraid" because I was already very fearful, there is a lot of "fear" with PTSD. Something is "lost" and it was traumatic.

But it's not who I was , when I was happy. Not sure you can go back there and that's frustrating. Too bad you couldn't just hit "esc" when memories reared their ugly heads. Or be hypnotized to only remember good memories.

[ThisWayOut]

The shutting down of emotions can be an effect of the ptsd. There's the hyperarousal of getting constantly vigilant and constantly emotional, then there's the other end of the spectrum with an almost complete shutting down of emotions.

according to my t, it's possible to go back to the original, more lively state once the ptsd is treated. I guess it's all a spectrum of stuff. I had been really stoic growing up, and even into my early adulthood. Now I get weird bursts of random emotion. T says that's a good sign; she says the emotion is appropriate to the situation. I dunno. I have no real memory of ever being a fully emotional creature. It's only ever been numb or sad... it actually really pissed am ex off. I never got jealous or worked up over anything she did. She said I must not care because I never reacted. Sad part was that I cared a lot, but was too numb to show it.

Anyway, according to my t,it's possible to break free of the numb/stoic state.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

The shutting down of emotions can be an effect of the ptsd. There's the hyperarousal of getting constantly vigilant and constantly emotional, then there's the other end of the spectrum with an almost complete shutting down of emotions.

according to my t, it's possible to go back to the original, more lively state once the ptsd is treated. I guess it's all a spectrum of stuff. I had been really stoic growing up, and even into my early adulthood. Now I get weird bursts of random emotion. T says that's a good sign; she says the emotion is appropriate to the situation. I dunno. I have no real memory of ever being a fully emotional creature. It's only ever been numb or sad... it actually really pissed am ex off. I never got jealous or worked up over anything she did. She said I must not care because I never reacted. Sad part was that I cared a lot, but was too numb to show it.

Anyway, according to my t,it's possible to break free of the numb/stoic state.

I guess that's what bothers me most is that people see me as stoic but inside I do feel a little something. I do care, just not to a degree to where it bubbles over into something they can see. I think most people would see us as hard, cold, unfeeling people, because that's all they can see. I don't know what it's going to take to bring that show of emotions to the surface, not sure the T's know how to do that either.
Today I had a steroid injection in my shoulder. Dissociated and he had to snap me back into the moment to let me know it was done. The numbness has worn off so it's pretty sore right now. Hope it helps.

[ZeldaZonk]

Yes, I can totally relate to this.
Very numb most of the time. C-PTSD Dissociative type.
I hate it, but in some ways it's better than being tossed about by extreme emotions.

After my adult traumas I felt nothing, and I tried to act like I thought someone who'd been through that would act. I was only young -18 so I didn't understand what was happening. It makes me sad /embarrassed to think about it.

I sometimes wonder how much of it (numbness) is related to medication too.

Best, Zel.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ZeldaZonk

Yes, I can totally relate to this.
Very numb most of the time. C-PTSD Dissociative type.
I hate it, but in some ways it's better than being tossed about by extreme emotions.

After my adult traumas I felt nothing, and I tried to act like I thought someone who'd been through that would act. I was only young -18 so I didn't understand what was happening. It makes me sad /embarrassed to think about it.

I sometimes wonder how much of it (numbness) is related to medication too.

Best, Zel.

It's hard to understand for sure. Maybe that's why we crave so much knowledge about it, trying to understand ourselves. I don't want to be emotionless or appear to others that I'm emotionless. Being numb void of emotions is wasting time, IMHO. We have lost that part of our life and I don't want to waste anymore time. But then I don't know the answer of getting back to some where close to who I was before. Sadly this has become too comfortable I think for most of us. Either we feel safe here or too tired to fight it anymore Take care and thanks for responding back.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ZeldaZonk

Yes, I can totally relate to this.
Very numb most of the time. C-PTSD Dissociative type.
I hate it, but in some ways it's better than being tossed about by extreme emotions.

After my adult traumas I felt nothing, and I tried to act like I thought someone who'd been through that would act. I was only young -18 so I didn't understand what was happening. It makes me sad /embarrassed to think about it.

I sometimes wonder how much of it (numbness) is related to medication too.

Best, Zel.

Welcome to the forum

[butcher0]

ThisWayOut, I agree.