[Parva]

I spend a lot of time searching for metaphors to help my T understand my particular experience with cPTSD and all that comes with it. She's very aware and knowledgable about cPTSD, but even so, I think it helps her to understand and see me through metaphors and other kinds of imagery. Here's a poem I wrote recently. I want neither "This sucks" nor "This is a great poem"; what I want is to share with you all a way in which I can allow myself - through the shame and self-disgust - to be seen by my T. Do you have ways of doing this? Are you aware when you are able to let your T 'see' you? What does being 'seen' even mean to you?

So help me find the metaphor of childhood
With which I can help you understand
What was stolen.

Take a snowflake, matchless in all the world,
Drifting from the sky.
Unique.

Ordinary flowers, full of color and warm spring weather,
Delicate harbingers of life and hope.
Nurturing.

Look no further than a mother bear with her cubs
To find what protection means.
Safety.

Every life bursts forth with possibility,
Like a flock of birds rising as one.
Exploring.

New eyes that see the world in new ways,
Unbound by yesterday.
Creativity.

[TishaBuv]

I think you are saying you want to know how to be able to show your t your shame and self-disgust so they can see how deeply you are hurting.

I relate to this just a little. I am scared to express my deepest, darkest feelings and experiences to the t. I can't bring myself to say it. Plus, I hate to be thought of badly. And I am afraid of what they are writing about me in their notes. So there is an element of distrust. I think they will misjudge me and say I am a bad person.

I suppose we need to say all to the t if we are to heal. So, maybe just say it, like ripping off a bandage.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Being 'seen' by a T is an absolute must. To me, it's about mutual understanding. TishaBuv makes a great point, which I will carry with me into session on Thursday. When I first met R, she offered reassurance when she said three words...'I'm with you'. Until I heard it, I didn't realise how much I needed it. I now feel that I can trust her, but I have similar feelings to Tish in that I can't actually express the things that are bothering me most.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Parva

I spend a lot of time searching for metaphors to help my T understand my particular experience with cPTSD and all that comes with it. She's very aware and knowledgable about cPTSD, but even so, I think it helps her to understand and see me through metaphors and other kinds of imagery. Here's a poem I wrote recently. I want neither "This sucks" nor "This is a great poem"; what I want is to share with you all a way in which I can allow myself - through the shame and self-disgust - to be seen by my T. Do you have ways of doing this? Are you aware when you are able to let your T 'see' you? What does being 'seen' even mean to you?

So help me find the metaphor of childhood
With which I can help you understand
What was stolen.

Take a snowflake, matchless in all the world,
Drifting from the sky.
Unique.

Ordinary flowers, full of color and warm spring weather,
Delicate harbingers of life and hope.
Nurturing.

Look no further than a mother bear with her cubs
To find what protection means.
Safety.

Every life bursts forth with possibility,
Like a flock of birds rising as one.
Exploring.

New eyes that see the world in new ways,
Unbound by yesterday.
Creativity.

Being seen to me means being heard on all levels, to try to understand the depth and history of my pain, help me find a way out of this pool of memories, lend a hand when I am going under and don't let go until I say it's okay, don't judge me for my words and lack of complete honesty, you will know this when I am ready to share and can trust you, you are a stranger to me and will be for a while, don't lie to me, I can see your truth.

[Unrigged64072835]

Being seen by my T means he gets what I'm saying to him. He understands what I'm going through.