Struggle with needing help?

Does anyone else struggle with feeling less adequate for not being able to handle this on your own and having to ask for help? Kind of a broken spirit of who you once were. Then when you take that leap in asking for help and then feel guilty for giving up that sense of spirit for nothing?

I truly understand what it's like to struggle with my "former self"..I have people ask me "what has happened to you; you never used to be like this"..I had my spirit broken a long time ago when I was very young, so I continue to struggle with it now. I never want to bother anyone so I tend to let people (my family, and sometimes friends) walk on me, and talk down to me, so until I learn how to change, this has become my life..

Sounds very familiar. Are you seeing a counselor? Maybe it's a loss of dignity more than anything. I've always been able to help others so why can't I do it for myself. Do you feel that way?

"I've turned into a monster...and it keeps getting stronger."

On top of being broken and a "weaker" version of myself, this is how I feel.

What makes you feel this way? The traumas have done most of the damage for me but having to ask for help and not being able to fix this myself has really taken part of my dignity away. I used to feel strong and confident, now I feel like a spineless shell of myself.

What makes me feel this way is how quick I can go from "joking" to straight up beat cop accusatory towards my loved ones. It's because the other shoe will always drop with me around.

I was fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to be diagnosed with cancer a couple years back. Reason why it's fortunate: the process of getting better took away all dignity. From needing to be helped walking, to need help cleaning myself; my dignity was wiped. Still, asking for help because of cancer and treatments was, and is, easier than asking for help because of PTSD. When it's physical and a slap in the face, I couldn't help but request assistance. When it's psychological and more hidden from others, it's like I should be ashamed.

In truth, we shouldn't be ashamed. PTSD can't be helped any more than cancer can. Both are crippling and both require assistance. Still, that doesn't help with the feelings of becoming a shell due to all of the pain mixed with the loss of dignity. So, all I can say is: Push. Push passed all of the "shame" (though there is none to be had) and accept the new you. Embrace them. You'll be that person for a while until you change again. Everyone changes, just some more abruptly than others. And some more drastic.

You can't help what's happened to you any more than I could stop my tumor from growing. What you're "left" with, is still a strong and viable person. Still worthy of help and care. Still strong in ways many people will never understand. Remember that, Trace. You're still strong and still important, least of all to me.

That was very sweet. Honestly it's hard to remember that strong person I used to be, as time goes on I'm not sure if I will remember her at all. I hope that the caring side never goes away. I know it's different , that I am more cautious with people not wanting to give some the benefit of the doubt as I normally would. It's hard to feel safe in such a violent , deceptive world we live in.
I'm so sorry about the cancer. I hope they have that under control and are treating it aggressively. Can't imagine going through PTSD and that too.

My biggest regret is not getting help sooner. If I had reached out for help when I first considered it, when I was in college over 25 years ago, I think I'd be in a different place. Now I wonder sometimes if it's even worth trying.

I struggle with needing medication. Initially I struggled seeking help from a T, but a few years down the line, felt more comfortable. However, that is becoming more of a struggle now as I think I shouldn't need their help anymore and should be able to do this on my own,.

Totally understand, I think that where I'm at and have found I don't have the energy to fight anymore. That my current life is about taking meds and focusing on changing most of my behaviors. It's like I work all day at trying to do things differently. I'm tired.

I just want to expand on this a little. When I was in college for Human Services, I realized that if I were to continue on in the field that I had no choice but to get help. I couldn't do it, partially because I was afraid that I couldn't afford it, and partially because I just couldn't do it.

Because I couldn't do it, I moved in a different direction not long after graduation. The ultimate struggle, which I initially lost.

Who's to say things would be different, better, worse? There's no way of knowing that. You are where you should be right now in this space and time. Maybe things will change in the future, it's not too late ya know.

Thanks for saying that. I'm not sure I agree though....but that's ok.

I agree it's okay. You know way more of the details than I do and what's best for you. It would be nice to have some do-over passes through life, but then it would change the now and no matter how bad it is now it could be worse. I think you are doing great working through your issues and I know it's hard and you have a lot on your plate. It's remarkable that you have done this well in the journey.