What to do when nobody knows what to do

Hope you are doing OK.

I need to learn another way of referring to heading north, haha. I don't live in NY, though I'm sure it's beautiful, I've never been.

I went to a short term hospital where I would've started at and then move onto a more long-term stay. I've been gone a week and it's all a blur of anxiety and agitation. It was triggering, to say the least. I'm not any better than prior to my admission and that's a bit disheartening.

So, I'm back and on some new meds I doubt will work. I'm giving them a chance first, though. I appreciate all of the support from you all. It's encouraging.

Welcome back and congrats on giving it a try!!! Very proud of you. Yes, give the new meds a chance. I'm sure it was triggering, but that's the only way we will heal from this is working through it. So it's going to get harder before it gets better and that's why I feel if you are in a supervised location it may be batter.
So glad to hear from you again.

I'm sort of on certain precautions right now. I'm not allowed to be alone and I'm set to see my therapist twice a week now, I guess. He might bump it up to three times. I have a new shrink, too, so I can actually get somewhere with my meds since the last pdoc didn't seem to give a damn if I lived or died and just wanted money. I see the new one Tuesday. I have to do daily check-ins with my mom in the morning and at night. And finally, I'm not suppose to be the one in charge of my meds.

I'm stubborn and slightly prideful, so that last part isn't happening. I compromised and just made it so I have to have someone around when it's med time and I generally don't stay in the same room as my medications.

I've made a deal with myself, too. Whenever I get to a certain extreme (anxiety driven, hallucinations, SH or SI), I text my T. If he's available I'll talk to him. If he's not then I call my fiance or someone. Talk it out and let them actually help rather than me keeping them at a distance. It's really difficult for me to do this, if I'm being honest. I still have safe guard around things I won't tell anyone. Baby steps.

I also will try to be a little more active here and attempt to start jotting out my thoughts again. I noticed that when I stopped that, everything that was overwhelming became unbearable.

I'm still trying and I don't know why but I am. I don't have any hope that I'll get better. I really do believe that I'm doomed. I'm trying not to think about that right now. Big picture always screws me up. Like an AA program, I'm taking everything a moment at a time.

I'm glad you have agreed for some safety precautions to be put in place. Don't let pride or stubbornness hinder your healing. Talk it out, put yourself in the shoes of someone that loves you. Or what if someone you loved was going through what you are going through. How would you respond to them? You seem to be a very caring and loving person. We have to show that same care and love to ourselves. You have some options here that might help, but you have to be willing to give them a chance. I'm a little bit in the same boat, don't feel like I'm getting much out of these groups. But after they are over I do see that they helped a little and I need to grasp on to that, like you said...baby steps. So use those resources and complete them no matter how hard it is. PE therapy was horribly hard, and I felt like quitting like on session 3 of 12. But I stuck with it and completed it and I'm glad I did. Going over the trauma every day, then once a week with the T, yep , it was hard alright. But I got through it. I've said this over and over again. I feel like if therapy is not hard and causing you some discomfort, taking you outside your comfort zone at times, something is wrong with the client or T. You have got to want to get better and be ready to do the work. And to have a T that can help you realize that. A T or anyone else can solve this for us. We have to do that hard work to make this better. I finally get that.
But I'm very proud of you for the positive movement towards the goals of feeling better. Never doubt that.

It may seem stifling So Leigheas, but this will help. You won't have to live in fear of yourself if there's people around you. You can get through this. I believe in you!

I think, good things come when there is a good intentions. Yes ditch the big picture, just focus on each moment in time.

Well done for what you have achieved so far, you're doing this.