Purgatory

I'll never escape this. Never escape the thoughts, the shame, the fear, him... them. I'll never escape. He'll torture me forever. I'm trapped in this endless loop of torment. This purgatory.

I'm. So. Damn. Tired.

I just want it to stop. I need it to stop.

I'm sorry it feels that way for you right now. I have to remind myself to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim it may seem sometimes.

Did you talk to your Pdoc about the medications and are you taking them as prescribed? Do you live with this "him"? Is it "him" personally haunting you or a traumatic memory of "him" You don't have to give details. Just trying to understand what's going on with you. I care about you and want you to be okay. I would be devastated if something happened to you. We've talked so much you are like PC family to me. Do you realize how close we are to some people here that we don't even know? How comfortable you feel with some members, like you have been friends for a long time? I mean we don't know if they are male or female(and it doesn't matter) , what age group they are in (again, it doesn't matter), or specifically what trauma(s) people are dealing with. But still there's this connection. It's a strange but wonderful thing that the internet, and PC, can bring people together like that. I would hate to think where we would be without this benefit.

I'm taking my meds as prescribed (aside from Wellbutrin, I quit that one all together). I haven't contacted my pdoc, I don't know why.
He's both a memory and a haunting. This makes the torment just that much more real and much more difficult to ignore.
I've lost faith in any light, dim or bright. I do force myself to say I believe it. Fake it 'til you make it, and all that.

I appreciate you all being here. I can't say this stuff anywhere else.

Sorry you are hurting.

I have faith in you and I'm sorry you are being tormented by"him". Contact the PDOC and share with him/her please. They need to be kept informed about how you are feeling. I take Wellbutrin. What was it that you didn't like? Just didn't work for you? I actually take Wellbutrin and Lexapro.
We are happy you are here.

The Wellbutrin amplified my anxiety really bad. No matter the benefits, I don't think they outweigh that particular con.

That's why you have to try different ones to find what works for each person. Prozac made me bat s___ crazy, suicidal. But now we know, and I know not to take it. Meds can help us live a better life, a little bit, but I sure hate taking them.