Do you fear attachment with your therapist?

These are all valid concerns and hopefully if the T sees this happening she will get control of it on her end. But if he does "fall" for her it could be difficult for you guys. Have you seen changes in him to make you think he's falling for this therapist? Has you husband cheated on you before? This is way more complicated than he just likes the therapist a lot. Maybe this is something that you could talk to him about and discuss transference with him.
Let him know how you feel and see what happens.

Thank you. I actually just went ahead and shared all this with him. He looked at me and smiled, and said, “no, I don’t have an attachment with my therapist.” It was like, “no, silly.” Im so lucky.

I guess I should have started out with my own experience with this, which is part of why I have the fears.

I’ve been seeing psychiatrists for 20 years. My first psychiatrist I developed all those feelings for. I thought about him all the time. I felt completely dependent on him. I saw another psychiatrist for 12 years, and it was the same way, for many years. The dependency and the obsessiveness were terrible, not healthy, so I can understand people’s fear of it.

Then I met my sweetheart. Everything changed. All those emotions and idealistic thoughts I had just disappeared, and sessions were down to earth, practical, and completely goal oriented. It was a huge relief. I’m a very dependent person, so I became then emotionally dependent on my husband, but not obsessive. I learned what real love is. The feelings I had for these doctors was not love.

I guess everything I just said should be reassurance for me, since he has me in his life.

Now, in thinking about the topic, I’m thinking that one is more vulnerable to an unhealthy attachment with a therapist, if they don’t have a secure and equal 2 way relationship, with someone outside the office. At the same time, I think that it is natural for an attachment and dependency to take place, when you have an experience with a therapist with whom you feel like you are in a safe place where the therapist doesn’t judge you but only offers positive regard and respect.

I think when it comes to becoming attached to your therapist, the most important thing, is to make sure the therapist is qualified and really knows what he or she is doing. If my psychiatrists were not qualified, I could easily have ended up feeling always on edge, wondering if he still liked me or if he was going to now reject me as a patient. It’s important to have consistent reassurance. In the beginning, though, there is more fear of rejection because he hasn’t gotten to know you, and perhaps we are used to rejection.

That's great!!!

Thank you for responding to all my posts. You helped me through the night. I know I went a little off course with my issues, and it was very kind of you to still respond.