Countdown to Dad's death anniversary date

Trace14 · Oct 22, 2017, 08:13 PM

*********Trigger Warning*************
Oct 29th is the day my dad died by suicide. This weather, makes it so real to the day I found him. Never really get past seeing something like that. *sigh* That day changed my life as I knew it and made me question everything.

Oct 22, 2017, 08:26 PM

Trace, I don't post in this forum ever, but I've kind of been following your posts about this anniversary. They caught my attention because I have a bad anniversary in this month as well, though it isn't half as traumatic as what you had to deal with.

Anyhow, I'll keep an eye out for you this week, and keep you in my thoughts. I'll check in with you on the 29th, as well.

Trace14 · Oct 22, 2017, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

Trace, I don't post in this forum ever, but I've kind of been following your posts about this anniversary. They caught my attention because I have a bad anniversary in this month as well, though it isn't half as traumatic as what you had to deal with.

Anyhow, I'll keep an eye out for you this week, and keep you in my thoughts. I'll check in with you on the 29th, as well.

Well thank you for stopping by and posting. That's very sweet of you to be thinking of me. I'm sorry you also have a bad anniversary this month. They just bring up a lot of memories and emotions.

Take care of yourself and thanks again for stopping in.

SoupDragon · Oct 23, 2017, 12:35 AM

Hope you can take extra special care of yourself this week and know we are here for you.

Big hugs.

Wild Coyote · Oct 23, 2017, 08:00 AM

Thinking of you.

WC

Fuzzybear · Oct 23, 2017, 10:09 AM

(((((((( Trace )))))))))
I’m thinking of you

MtnTime2896 · Oct 23, 2017, 10:33 AM

Anniversaries suck. You've helped me out a lot, especially recently. I'm here to help if I can, and to vent to as much as you need. Like others here, I'll be thinking of you.

1978dd · Oct 24, 2017, 10:32 AM

Trace, I have a similar anniversary this month. My son died from a drug overdose Oct 26th. This year is nine years. I always remember him in a special way by doing something healthy that he enjoyed. It helps me remember the good times. (((Hugs))).

Trace14 · Oct 24, 2017, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1978dd

Trace, I have a similar anniversary this month. My son died from a drug overdose Oct 26th. This year is nine years. I always remember him in a special way by doing something healthy that he enjoyed. It helps me remember the good times. (((Hugs))).

Seems October is a bad month for several people. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. can't imagine what pain that would be from the loss of a child.

I've tried to think of things to honor dad and to reflect happier times but my mind always goes back to finding him and all that went along with that. Maybe in time that will get easier, I hope so.

Trace14 · Oct 25, 2017, 11:30 PM

Seems I'm not hiding the pain so well. Met with a new psychiatrist Tuesday, she kept asking what I was feeling, before I could answer she asked me something else so I picked the easiest one to answer. Was glad to get out of that long 30 minute appointment. She can get to know me some other time.
Hadn't talked to mom for a couple of days and I talked to her today. Before she hung up she said stay busy. I knew what she meant, stay distracted.
I wish I could find something familiar to attach to. It all looks so different, even looking in a mirror I don't recognize the person there. Invisible person in an empty space.

reb569 · Oct 26, 2017, 01:57 AM

The bad anniversaries are really tough. I just went through one last week, the anniversary of my daughter's 2nd suicide attempt. It was pretty rough for me in many ways. It made me think of the fact that I have basically been in crisis mode since her 1st attempt in March of 2016 and how emotionally and physically draining that has been for me. The fact that she, at this time, is doing very good is a comfort, but I also know that could change very easily if things start going bad for her.

Anyway -- hugs out to you. Another anniversary I go through every year is the car accident and resulting death of my oldest brother. That was in 1976 when I was 14, and I have to say that while I still think of him often, the heart wrenching pain of the first several years did eventually go away.

Open Eyes · Oct 26, 2017, 08:34 AM

Quote:

he had a kidney removed a couple of weeks prior. He had been through a lot in that past coupe of years. 1st colon cancer, then they found cancer in the prostrate at that time, then they found the kidney cancer a little later. He had a rough time and just didn't enjoy life anymore. He didn't want to be a burden to anyone. But he had made it through so much...why give up now

So he had to go through surgeries and a lot of treatments, chemo?

To your question, why give up now after surviving through all of that? Well, all these illnesses take a toll, both physically and mentally. Anesthesia alone can take several months to finally get out of the system and the way it affects the brain and the older a person is the more the anesthesia and chemo and other treatments can take a toll on the brain.

How old was your father?

SoupDragon · Oct 29, 2017, 12:19 AM

Thinking of you today Trace.

Trace14 · Oct 29, 2017, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Thinking of you today Trace.

Thanks

A lot going through my head right now.

Trace14 · Oct 29, 2017, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

So he had to go through surgeries and a lot of treatments, chemo?

To your question, why give up now after surviving through all of that? Well, all these illnesses take a toll, both physically and mentally. Anesthesia alone can take several months to finally get out of the system and the way it affects the brain and the older a person is the more the anesthesia and chemo and other treatments can take a toll on the brain.

How old was your father?

He was 81, they used radiation and radioactive seeds for the prostrate.

reb569 · Oct 29, 2017, 03:34 AM

Hugs out to you today!

Trace14 · Oct 30, 2017, 05:29 AM

The day has come and gone and you would think that would be the end of pain, but actually 4 years ago it was just the beginning. It will take a few days to deal with this mental hangover, maybe. Could be longer, feels different than before like it was more intense this time. Don't remember large parts of yesterday, been up since 2:30 a.m. Things just seem outta whack.