[Fuzzybear]

How to reconcile, “accept” being the scapegoat. How to have “empathy” for the family of origin who had no empathy for me. The family who turned against me and abandoned me.. How to not hate the inner (me) ... who was hated without cause or for so little cause. They closed the door on me, slammed it shut in my face. (The whole “family” of origin) How to even want to stay alive. I don’t know

I was “doing ok” in a sense, until a few years ago. More traumas

I’ve had many abusers who....... I won’t go there

I’m not “good at life” whatever that means. I’m kind of surprised I’ve survived so long. I’m keeping on trying to survive, I just wish it could be easier (easier for others too)

This is a question about trauma (so just “moving on” doesn’t work)

I’m allergic to all the psych meds I’ve tried (many) and trying new Meds, and doctors, freak me out. They trigger me.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

How to reconcile, “accept” being the scapegoat. How to have “empathy” for the family of origin who had no empathy for me. The family who turned against me and abandoned me.. How to not hate the inner (me) ... who was hated without cause or for so little cause. They closed the door on me, slammed it shut in my face. (The whole “family” of origin) How to even want to stay alive. I don’t know

I was “doing ok” in a sense, until a few years ago. More traumas

I’ve had many abusers who....... I won’t go there

I’m not “good at life” whatever that means. I’m kind of surprised I’ve survived so long. I’m keeping on trying to survive, I just wish it could be easier (easier for others too)

This is a question about trauma (so just “moving on” doesn’t work)

I’m allergic to all the psych meds I’ve tried (many) and trying new Meds, and doctors, freak me out. They trigger me.

So you are trying new meds now? If so, how's that going? To your other statements.....why would you want to reconcile with a FOO that treated you so bad? Do you ever think you could forgive them? Do they want to be in your life?
You are a survivor or you wouldn't be here. You were meant to be here with all of us to help ourselves and others. It's not a coincident that we all ended up here and have stayed so long, ya know. We have a purpose here

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

So sorry that you had that earlier, horrible experience. And that others took advantage of your vulnerability.

That is the big question. How do we reconcile the facts of our lives?

Forgiveness is the only way.

It takes so much energy to hold on to the hate.

[Shazerac]

I see no reason to even try to reconcile with abusive people. I also see no reason to have empathy either. Is someone telling you that you need to do This? Or is this an inner dialogue?

[IrisBloom]

I found comfort from realizing there was nothing I could do to change anything, so I turned the "justice seeking" over to God. Now I don't have to worry about the hows and whys, I just have to take care of me. When I handed things to God (or the universe, or karma, whatever your belief is), they weren't part of me any more. I believe people get what they deserve in time. Yes, my abusers made me a mess and a complicated puzzle to figure out and while I love puzzles, mine is not that much fun. As time goes on I see things I didn't long ago both about me and the abusers. It's not really forgiveness, it's more like acceptance that I was the least important person in their lives. It is not agreement. It is not compliance. It is a very tough thing to do, but I did it. Acceptance is freeing as you are not focusing so much energy on those things, but can focus on yourself and how to make your life better.

[crystal blue]

Fuzzybear, Hi, I am sorry you feel so bad. It sounds to me like the real issue is how to stop hating yourself. Have you really faced the idea that they (your abusers) were wrong and not you? Have you realized that you did not deserve to be abused even if you were the worst person on earth? (which I know you were not)). You can stop believing their lies that you were bad, deserved to be a scape goat and all the other garbage they spouted. They had issues that affected you-that was unfair and not your fault. Try being a good friend to yourself. What would you say to me if I wrote your story too you? You would write something to cheer me and comfort me. So, be that for yourself too. You are worth it and not who they said you were.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I see no reason to even try to reconcile with abusive people. I also see no reason to have empathy either. Is someone telling you that you need to do This? Or is this an inner dialogue?

A therapist I paid for told me he had no empathy for me

I questioned this. He said I didn’t “have empathy for the parental units”’

Uh.

I thought the therapy was to help me at least like myself, not to suddenly be told I deserved no empathy or care from a paid therapist, and for that reason ... and that I was “unendearing” ...

Such a sweet man. sarcasm.

I’m not consulting that therapist now.

But his crap and abuse is part of my “inner critic” at times

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by crystal blue

Fuzzybear, Hi, I am sorry you feel so bad. It sounds to me like the real issue is how to stop hating yourself. Have you really faced the idea that they (your abusers) were wrong and not you? Have you realized that you did not deserve to be abused even if you were the worst person on earth? (which I know you were not)). You can stop believing their lies that you were bad, deserved to be a scape goat and all the other garbage they spouted. They had issues that affected you-that was unfair and not your fault. Try being a good friend to yourself. What would you say to me if I wrote your story too you? You would write something to cheer me and comfort me. So, be that for yourself too. You are worth it and not who they said you were.

Thank you, I’ll try to remember this

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

I found comfort from realizing there was nothing I could do to change anything, so I turned the "justice seeking" over to God. Now I don't have to worry about the hows and whys, I just have to take care of me. When I handed things to God (or the universe, or karma, whatever your belief is), they weren't part of me any more. I believe people get what they deserve in time. Yes, my abusers made me a mess and a complicated puzzle to figure out and while I love puzzles, mine is not that much fun. As time goes on I see things I didn't long ago both about me and the abusers. It's not really forgiveness, it's more like acceptance that I was the least important person in their lives. It is not agreement. It is not compliance. It is a very tough thing to do, but I did it. Acceptance is freeing as you are not focusing so much energy on those things, but can focus on yourself and how to make your life better.

Yes I wasn’t an important person in the parental units lives, due to their Narcissism kind of sucks but it..

I’m not sure if I’ll ever accomplish this, but maybe I will ..

Focusing on myself ... my inner critic doesn’t like that idea at all. “Selfish” “useless” me ... Thanks for your thoughtful post though

[Fuzzybear]

Now I feel like hiding under a rock. All those posts about fuzzy bear

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Now I feel like hiding under a rock. All those posts about fuzzy bear

No, need to hide, be grateful that so many people love you and want to help you think this out. Of course the final decision is yours but there is some good input here to at least think about. Having an open dialog can help especially if you don't have T to help you.

[kenziemae312]

Forgiveness is the only way to let go of the hate/shame. We may never know why our abusers did what they have to us. But in order to heal, we need to let go of the hurt. Much love n hugs to all