[-Astral-]

i think i need to get help with what happened in my past i feel so ****ing angry and upset right now to the point where i shouldn't be alive i am someone who is garbage **** not worth anything at all
i am married to the most wonderful and caring man who i love deeply but i keep thinking am going to lose him in some way either because we fight sometimes or by another way where he dies
i cant be at peace with myself at all and i think i need threapy and help i feel dirty all the time i feel deep deep hate for myself
Am Non Binary / trans and am worried they will think am a freak or something
I have friends who i love deeply as well and am worried ill do something to lose them dont want them to die but i know that some day they will
my heart is breaking before that time when it happens i'll be inconsolable i love my friends and for the first time in my life i have friends who give a **** about me my family dont understand my mental health my mother calls it attention seeking because i self injure she dont understand about me being trans and she looks down on everyone and makes them feel like **** that is one of the reason why am so low and hate myself so much
AM worthless but she had a **** life too and its looks like me and my sister was neglected because of that
the sexual abuse of both me and my sister didnt happen according to my mother we are just making up but its funny how my sister remembers things that happened that i also remember things
i want to blame someone for the **** so i blame myself i dont know how to calm down at the moment i feel i need to hurt myself or scream but its 9 pm here and i dont want to wake upstairs little ones
i need help unsure if i should contact the trauma place and ask for an appointment or go to the drop in that they have
**** i hate me i hate my mother and i hate them for what they did but i still think its my fault

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

i think i need to get help with what happened in my past i feel so ****ing angry and upset right now to the point where i shouldn't be alive i am someone who is garbage **** not worth anything at all
i am married to the most wonderful and caring man who i love deeply but i keep thinking am going to lose him in some way either because we fight sometimes or by another way where he dies
i cant be at peace with myself at all and i think i need threapy and help i feel dirty all the time i feel deep deep hate for myself
Am Non Binary / trans and am worried they will think am a freak or something
I have friends who i love deeply as well and am worried ill do something to lose them dont want them to die but i know that some day they will
my heart is breaking before that time when it happens i'll be inconsolable i love my friends and for the first time in my life i have friends who give a **** about me my family dont understand my mental health my mother calls it attention seeking because i self injure she dont understand about me being trans and she looks down on everyone and makes them feel like **** that is one of the reason why am so low and hate myself so much
AM worthless but she had a **** life too and its looks like me and my sister was neglected because of that
the sexual abuse of both me and my sister didnt happen according to my mother we are just making up but its funny how my sister remembers things that happened that i also remember things
i want to blame someone for the **** so i blame myself i dont know how to calm down at the moment i feel i need to hurt myself or scream but its 9 pm here and i dont want to wake upstairs little ones
i need help unsure if i should contact the trauma place and ask for an appointment or go to the drop in that they have
**** i hate me i hate my mother and i hate them for what they did but i still think its my fault

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I wish there was something we could say or do to help you with this. Is there a crisis line you could call? Someone you could reach out to for support? Are you in therapy now?
What made all this come to the surface? Did something happen? Please reach out for some help with this. There is help out there.

[-Astral-]

get support from my husband and dr and psych but i dont see a t at the moment because i thought id be ok with out talking about my past but its eating me up the last few days i have been havinmg flashbacks and dreams that play the past in my head i see my pastor who is also a friend who i trust and he said i really need help
as am slowly cracking up the past has been haughting me for more than 10 years now you think i would have gotten help before then but i just keep it hidden and it now getting too much for me the smalist thing can triggers flashbacks and right now i feel so bad that i want to self injure am not in t right now as every time i have tried to talk about it in detail i close up and hide away i hide i think i may have DID as well my abuse started when i was very young i think i have little ones that get very scared there i think they will be too scared to talk too there now hiding inside at the thought about talking to someone how do we get help there is a drop in witch am going to go to on Monday in the morning hopefully i can get the help i need the little ones are now crying i dont want to upset them too much they keep saying there bad

[reb569]

It's very common for those that have been abused to hide it for many years. I escaped my home at 18, and I never got help until 1 1/2 years ago, when I was 53.

You are reaching out now and I do think that a therapist could be a good idea. Digging into the abuse is not necessary at first, you can concentrate on coping techniques to begin with.

Hugs.