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Old Apr 03, 2018, 04:55 AM
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MoxieDoxie MoxieDoxie is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
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Why can't we leave the house sometimes? This email I sent my T and his reply( I am a personal trainer. I am ok. Not the best). It made me feel better but I am not sure it will solve the problem. He is trying to help ease my suffering with kind words but when it comes down to it I am the one who has to talk to myself with kind words and believe it.

ME:"I do not understand why I could not leave the house today. It might have made things better but I just could not bring myself to leave. All week I knew I had this day to myself. I planned on going to the outlets but I just could not bring myself to leave. I feel I completed wasted this day away sitting here trying to cope. No school and no work and no real reason to leave the house. I feel like a waste of life while husband is doing a 16hr shift at the fire department for paramedic school. I did do some studying, I got cleaning done.........I should have at least gone for a walk but could not bring myself to do that either. Everything felt pointless."

Therapist:"As for the day, I would throw the whole dang thing a curve ball and not try to understand it. I would purposefully make the days you think are going to be very rough a personal day. A day where you plan to stay home, take a warm bath, and pamper yourself. Sleep in and read a book. Go with the stream, if the stream says its a stay at home day then it is a stay at home day. There is a possibility that its your bodies way of saying you have worked hard and need a rest.

You are productive most days and do get a lot done. You are equally important to the people you help as your husband is to the people he helps. I would say more so, because if you don't help the people you help they will end up having to call the paramedic because they have fallen or hurt themselves or had a heart attack. Some people get all the credit and some people work quietly in the background doing amazing work."
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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HD7970GHZ, katydid777, Open Eyes, Shazerac, unaluna
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HD7970GHZ, unaluna

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  #2  
Old Apr 03, 2018, 05:11 AM
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katydid777 katydid777 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
Why can't we leave the house sometimes? This email I sent my T and his reply( I am a personal trainer. I am ok. Not the best). It made me feel better but I am not sure it will solve the problem. He is trying to help ease my suffering with kind words but when it comes down to it I am the one who has to talk to myself with kind words and believe it.

ME:"I do not understand why I could not leave the house today. It might have made things better but I just could not bring myself to leave. All week I knew I had this day to myself. I planned on going to the outlets but I just could not bring myself to leave. I feel I completed wasted this day away sitting here trying to cope. No school and no work and no real reason to leave the house. I feel like a waste of life while husband is doing a 16hr shift at the fire department for paramedic school. I did do some studying, I got cleaning done.........I should have at least gone for a walk but could not bring myself to do that either. Everything felt pointless."

Therapist:"As for the day, I would throw the whole dang thing a curve ball and not try to understand it. I would purposefully make the days you think are going to be very rough a personal day. A day where you plan to stay home, take a warm bath, and pamper yourself. Sleep in and read a book. Go with the stream, if the stream says its a stay at home day then it is a stay at home day. There is a possibility that its your bodies way of saying you have worked hard and need a rest.

You are productive most days and do get a lot done. You are equally important to the people you help as your husband is to the people he helps. I would say more so, because if you don't help the people you help they will end up having to call the paramedic because they have fallen or hurt themselves or had a heart attack. Some people get all the credit and some people work quietly in the background doing amazing work."
Don't be so hard on your self. Everyone needs personal days to just do nothing, and be able to clear your mind. This is a good thing, if you are able to take a day, don't regret it!!!!!!!
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ, MoxieDoxie
  #3  
Old Apr 07, 2018, 08:43 PM
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HD7970GHZ HD7970GHZ is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
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MoxieDoxie,

I empathize greatly with how you feel! I am so happy you started this thread. I don't know about you, but I much prefer to regress than progress! I also do not enjoy adulting... Do you relate?

I don't know what will ease your conscience surrounding these matters, however, I can say I struggle with this too and I know a lot of others who do as well. I think we live in a world that is becoming more and more narcissistic. Society conditions us to believe we must always progress and move forward, otherwise we are failures, nobodies, etc. If we ever stray from this forward motion, we experience some form of guilt, shame or self-deprecating judgment and it can take us a long time to escape it's grasp. Is this something that resonates?

By societies standards (And societies standards simply do not matter), I am a complete and utter failure. However, considering what I have been through in my life, I can honestly say that I have done okay. One thing I had to learn to do is STOP comparing myself to others; no one ever feels better by doing this. Try to be gentle with yourself when you compare yourself to your husband; you have a completely different deck of cards than he does and with it comes strengths and weaknesses that only you can truly know. If you are really honest with yourself, can you see why you may need to take a day off and simply stay indoors?

I LOVE to hibernate! Especially in the winter! I LOVE teddy bears and blankies and all kinds of regressive things. It is okay to give yourself a break. One thing a great therapist taught me is to listen to my body. My body says a lot and if I listen to it I will feel better.

I hope this will help in some way, I'm sure you already know everything I have shared.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
__________________
"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget"
"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
"don't put all your eggs - in one basket"
"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
"with change - comes loss"
Thanks for this!
MoxieDoxie
  #4  
Old Apr 08, 2018, 04:26 AM
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MoxieDoxie MoxieDoxie is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
MoxieDoxie,

I empathize greatly with how you feel! I am so happy you started this thread. I don't know about you, but I much prefer to regress than progress! I also do not enjoy adulting... Do you relate?

I don't know what will ease your conscience surrounding these matters, however, I can say I struggle with this too and I know a lot of others who do as well. I think we live in a world that is becoming more and more narcissistic. Society conditions us to believe we must always progress and move forward, otherwise we are failures, nobodies, etc. If we ever stray from this forward motion, we experience some form of guilt, shame or self-deprecating judgment and it can take us a long time to escape it's grasp. Is this something that resonates?

By societies standards (And societies standards simply do not matter), I am a complete and utter failure. However, considering what I have been through in my life, I can honestly say that I have done okay. One thing I had to learn to do is STOP comparing myself to others; no one ever feels better by doing this. Try to be gentle with yourself when you compare yourself to your husband; you have a completely different deck of cards than he does and with it comes strengths and weaknesses that only you can truly know. If you are really honest with yourself, can you see why you may need to take a day off and simply stay indoors?

I LOVE to hibernate! Especially in the winter! I LOVE teddy bears and blankies and all kinds of regressive things. It is okay to give yourself a break. One thing a great therapist taught me is to listen to my body. My body says a lot and if I listen to it I will feel better.

I hope this will help in some way, I'm sure you already know everything I have shared.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
Wow..ok..yes this does make sense and resonates with me. Thank you so much.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
Hugs from:
HD7970GHZ
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ
  #5  
Old Apr 08, 2018, 08:31 AM
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Shazerac Shazerac is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
Hugs to you. I like your therapist. Please give yourself permission to have a “me” day. So what you had plans to go out? Plans change. Don’t beat yourself up with guilt because you don’t want to leave the house. It’s OK.
__________________


Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day!

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
Seroquel 100
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HD7970GHZ
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ, MoxieDoxie
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