Completely Negative

I feel life has no hope and no meaning, filled with false belief's and prejudiced people that will only hurt me. No exception. I feel as though my life has been, and still is, pointless. I do not believe I can contribute to society, to family, to friendships, nor do I believe I can find my own happiness, or happiness for others. I feel as though my death will have no impact on anyone. I feel suicide is slowly becoming the only option left, as other choices are being slowly forced off of my list. The only happiness I find is in the suffering of others. I find others sadness, pain, misery, death, insanity, sorrow, and hatred fulfilling. I feel an iota of 'good' in me for having others suffer, and it makes me happy.

It sounds as though you've been let down by people that you relied upon.

Unfortunately, that does happen in life. All sorts of reasons, but it does not matter why no one was there the way that you needed them to be. What does matter is that people who truly do care are out there ~ doing all that they can do to help people through the intense lows in life.

It is hard to see those people when our anger with life consumes our daily lives. Those are times when we need help. Real help ~ taking us to the hospital, being there to talk anytime, etc. Not just a wink and a hug will make you feel better. Sitting down with professionals, to discuss what is happening in your life now (and how you got here) is necessary before you can appreciate tiny comforts in life.

Btw, tiny comforts = (((hugs))), best wishes, etc. These things can help a little bit. But there has to be some hope in life to have the affect they're meant to have.

Please do get help now!

You know I feel like you the first part but I am glad thinking the world will go on without me. It's curious but no matter my pains someone else's pain wouldn't make me feel better. I was quite shocked reading that. I really feel fullfilling to hear better things happened to others to have what to look for. Yes, I would like to see punished the ones that hurt me unfair but even that in an even way so that will be somehow a lesson for them and stop others do that,

For me what you say is like if I would be forced to be in a dirty toilet... I would enjoy to see near me another sh.. too and if there isn't I would start to have pleasure from dirty more the place - you know what I mean. How could that make me feel better? Now I really feel that probably if I send this to you you'll suffer as I am not hurt and I am able to do it! Is it so?

It seems that you reached a dangerous point. Nurturing yourself with other people's sufferance it can't stop your sufferance. Are you sado-masochist now? Is that what you want to be? I am sorry to disappont you but it seems that some people care about you, without suffering ... No pleasure? :-)

Have you considered existential psychology / therapy?

"Existential therapy was introduced by Victor Frankl and Rollo May. Existentialism is an area of philosophy concerned with the meaning of human existence. It looks at issues such as love, death and the meaning of life - and how one deals with the sense of value and meanings in their own life. In an existentialist approach to therapy, there are basic dimensions of the human condition. These are the capacity for self-awareness, the tension between freedom and responsibility, the creation of an identity and the establishment of meaningful relationships, the search for meaning, the acceptance of anxiety as a condition of living and the awareness of death and non-being."

((((Kamidogu))))

I tried many times to kill my self,but each time it didn't work. you name it an I have tried it but for some reason I can't die. people tell me god- has a purpose for me, but I don't know what it is...it's driving me even crazyer.I think sometimes we are squares in a round hole