[kdclement]

The last couple of days have been a challenge and it seems so over the top. To the average person it may not seem like a big deal but with emotional ups and downs I am very aware of what different things do to my emotions. I have had an appointment to get my car fixed for about a week now but leading up to it was an emotional roller coaster. Now mind you I was a stay at home mom for many years plus raised my step grandson and in the last 3 years have gotten a divorce, lost the right to even see my grandson and have had no luck reconnecting with my own daughter then recently my mom died without any warning. It's a very long story about my daughter but we'll go into that later. It's been very emotional as you can tell.

Anyway, yesterday it started when I spent some time around someone thats personality is hard to shake off after. I think you might know the type ( not to be judgmental at all) very loud, constant laughter, can't get a word in, and mind you I'm taking care of a sick, elderly woman that's bedridden. After being around this type of personality for me I feel like a jackhammer was next to me and i'm still rattling from it, if you know what I mean. After I came home I was wound up so I decided to work out to get out some emotions. That usually works quite well for me. So, last night I was watching TV then went to bed and woke myself up screaming at the top of my lungs b/c the car I was driving went over a small cliff. I have these dreams to warn me of my drop off point, which tells me to take careful steps before I have an episode. I'm very aware of my emotions. Sometimes too aware. But when I woke up my face and sinuses were very swollen, which i found strange. I didn't think to take a benadryl which always helps me when i can't sleep on top of everything else. Well, then today I spent a couple hours getting my car fixed which cost me some of the money I have had put away. It makes me nervous to touch this money because I put it there in case something should happen to my car I will have it to get a new one, or used one...whatever I need. It's not a lot of money but having to dip into it has caused some anxiety and it's hard for me to let it go. I obsess over it for a couple days, then I'm able to make some sense of it after that. I'm doing some deep breathing exercises which seem to help and have since take a half of a benadryl for anxiety. Drinking plenty of water, coming here and getting busy doing something are very good ways for me get back to where I need to be. So, I have decided to be more proactive even if I don't feel like it. I am working on some affirmations and also working in my bipolar workbook to help ease some symptoms. Keeping my mind busy helps to distract it until I can get more control.

thank you for listening to me today
that's part of my recovery
talk about things and not bottle them up inside

[Leed]

wow ~ It sure sounds like you have a darn good handle on things!!! I could learn alot from you ~ and I'm not bi-polar! I've suffered depression all my life, and am on medication ~ but you sure have things under control! I'm totally impressed! What a great way to handle things!

You're doing great! Thank you for sharing how you cope. I know it will give others some insight in how they might better control things. God bless, and take care! Hugs, Lee

[Gus1234U]

well done, kd, glad you are being so mindful, i applaud you~!

Thanks for sharing, kdclement.

[ladyjrnlist]

Sounds like you are doing a good job being mindful. Way to go. That is the hardest part, for me. Just remember you are having some stress and things will settle down soon.

[kdclement]

thank you all for your support. I love you all.
hugs

[kdclement]

Ok, so let me explain what I mean by cry baby sunday...I have been divorced for 3 years after 12 years of having kids, my partner and with a whole bunch of drama. Afer leaving the things that kept me sick I have now been dating my current partner for over 2 years and I love her so much. For 12 years I couldn't turn around without major stress with kids partner and whatever else. Now I have the best partner, no drama and I even hold a job...full time but every sunday when she goes home I cry. She thinks it's because I'm not happy but it couldn't be further from the truth. I am so happy and we spend our weekends together pretty low key and having fun but when it comes to Sunday I crack, it's one of 3 things that I do.....1. I create drama and fight with her over nothing 2. sleep all day 3. cry about an hour before she leaves...oh, one more..sometimes i have to take a panic pill or so I call it. What in the world can i do to help myself? Where do I start? I don't want to ruin what we have or treat her with disrespect. I also don't want her to feel guilty when she leaves. She has been nothing but supportive and sympathetic. Always reassuring me. What will it take to break whatever this is? Anyone else ever have something like this? Is it anxiety? Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

thank you

[madisgram]

idk but it sounds like separation anxiety with her work week coming up. your description of what goes on on sundays sounds like you want to hang on to her even if the communication is negative. like you're panicing and monday hasn't even come yet. try to plan your week so you stay busy and strive to enjoy your time together on weekends.hope this helps.