[volatile]

I was wondering, could things like fear, hate, rage, and fantasies of revenge literally burn out everything inside of you?

I feel like a corpse and I have for a really long time. I don't know how to get back to who I was before I let this happen. People I meet are extremely put off by me. It's like I have no soul and a couple people have even said that to my face. (not that I'm evil. that I have nothing inside of me)

I've been on a lot of medication and none of it brings me back. I'm just a shell. I'm not particularly depressed, I'm just nothing. It's like I'm already dead.

[lonegael]

Volatile, how long have you been like this?

[volatile]

Originally Posted by lonegael

Volatile, how long have you been like this?

Going on about 4 years, give or take a year.

[IceCreamKid]

I believe you can be so overwhelmed by your emotions that your brain just takes a break from them sometimes. But the fact that you are asking here about it proves you have a soul and somewhere in your mind is your real self. Please tell your doctor about this, and please come here and visit with us.

[volatile]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I believe you can be so overwhelmed by your emotions that your brain just takes a break from them sometimes. But the fact that you are asking here about it proves you have a soul and somewhere in your mind is your real self. Please tell your doctor about this, and please come here and visit with us.

Takes a break for 4 years?

I HIGHLY doubt my doctor could possibly do anything about this. She can not some how conjure my personality back. it's dead. the 'real me' is dead. It is not there and I will never be the same.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by volatile

it's dead. the 'real me' is dead. It is not there and I will never be the same.

It can seem that way, but "it ain't necessarily so". It can come back, even when that seems unlikely.

Do you have a T?

WOW! I am generally pretty sensitive emotionally ...granted.But I generally am not left in tears for reading just one post by a member whos posts I have never read before.The pain here for you is so deep I have to ask if I have ever heard anything like it before.That's saying alot for me trust me.Perhaps it is that I can relate? idk.((((Volatile))))

[Michah]

Volatile.....

You are right when you say you will never be the same again......but that is not spiritual death, it is spiritual hibernation......and then rebirth, the beginning of all things. It may feel totally stagnant, totally bereft of all feeling, either good or bad.....but skirting along that is FREEDOM.

Spriritual incarceration where there is no evidence of growth, where there is mud and grey and coldness, must have a polarity. All things exist simultaneously with their polar opposites (sometimes we may feel them simultaneously and sometimes they present themselves as the stronger state which throws things out of balance) - light and dark, love and hate, despair and hope and so on.....

Please forgive me if I sound rudely contrite for it is not my wish to do so, but this "grey" this purgatory if you will, is a equatable state to be in. It allows for growth either way ("going backwards" does not exist, for in the physical world, it is simply movement in another direction. Just as we cannot "age" backwards, nor can we "unlearn" or return to a infant state even if it feels like that at times). We must at times hibernate, experience spiritual stagnation for it is the soul demanding that you "be in the moment" even if the momnet lasts for 4 years, 10 years and so on. The soul is asking you to look within and be honest with what you see......and also be very loving and forgiving. It does not want to be judged anymore, it just wants to exist as its authentic self. It is very dangerous terrain, but incredibly rich as well.

I do not know your journey, but I do know what it is like to feel what you describe. I have had many periods of my life spent in soul stagnation and purgatroy......very scary time until I relised what it was trying to teach me. It stills makes me fearful and depressed, but I know it for what it is and I must practice patience.

Take care dear, dear person......remember...

you are loved.

Keep talking,

Michah

[Nsomthin]

i dont want to be presumptuous but i do believe that i know what your going through because i went through something similar.

i felt like my rage had burned away everything i didnt even know what i was angry about anymore i just felt this constant rage over all the injustices real and imagined that were done to me. i just felt hollow and burned clean except for some anger. i fealt empty it was like (what you said) i was a shell of my former self.

im sorry but i dont know if you can return to what you once where i know i didnt. but maybe you could rebuild yourself maybe focus on something new? i have been trying to let go of the hate i have had for others and for myself and focus on the future and what i can do. maybe it will be helpful for you if you try to let go of the hate or whatever happened and move on to something maybe a goal or a dream you have?

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by volatile

I was wondering, could things like fear, hate, rage, and fantasies of revenge literally burn out everything inside of you?

I feel like a corpse and I have for a really long time. I don't know how to get back to who I was before I let this happen. People I meet are extremely put off by me. It's like I have no soul and a couple people have even said that to my face. (not that I'm evil. that I have nothing inside of me)

I've been on a lot of medication and none of it brings me back. I'm just a shell. I'm not particularly depressed, I'm just nothing. It's like I'm already dead.

Yes it sure can it drains you when you are stress or angry or have fear .Thats why I try to control these things but it end up draining me and make my body run down like the flu.

(((((Michah/Nsom)))))....wow,these posts are very valuable.Thank you sooo much ! Volatile?....please let us know how you are?~W~