[clouds_and_sun]

I just wish I knew how to feel numb. To not desire to fall in love during certian times of the month. To not allow people to upset me so much cause of my past. (I was pushed around almost all my life).
I want to be able to just allow any negative thing or thought roll off of me like a water on a ducks back.
I don't know how.
I refuse to put alcohol past my lips cause of mother and her side of the family were all drunks. Mother would drown her pain with the booze.
I don't want to do that.
The only thing I have been doing for almost a year now is sleep. I sleep so much that I have slight bags under my eyes.
I know this is going to sound silly but I wish I could be a computer with no emotion.
My life would have and would be much better is I just did not feel pain nor if I was so sensitive.
Coping with negative things is one of my big weakness's. I learned how to hide from things at an early age.
I am on antidepressants and Xanax for my panic disorder, but I still feel the pain.
I just want to be numb to it all.

[lavieenrose]

I can understand the feelings, Clouds. I am exhausted from all the crying I do every day. It would be nice to shut off the negative emotions like a faucet. I hope for both of us that there will be joy at some point ahead, or at least a break in the storm, and a chance to enjoy some sunny weather. Please take heart, and know that you aren't alone with all of this. I'm always available if you need an ear.

[snowsnowsnow]

[quote=clouds_and_sun;1678111]I just wish I knew how to feel numb. To not desire to fall in love during certian times of the month. To not allow people to upset me so much cause of my past. (I was pushed around almost all my life).

It sounds like you are going through an identity pains. You are not alone.all teens go through this in one from or another. You will find that it subsides as you go through life and accept it's challenges.You will find you learn,and become stronger.You have have your parents for support,you are blessed some people do not.Your parents,or anyone, won't be able to help you unless you share with them what you are experiencing,you must acknowlege your feelings.
I hope this will help
snow snow snow

[loricamille]

Have you tried starting an exercise regimen? A serious comittment to at least 30 minutes 3 times/week of vigorous (running, swimming, biking) exercise will increase those "feel good" chemicals in your brain-just like the meds do only it's all natural and your body is induced into manufacturing them. I know this may seem simple or obvious but this is SCIENTIFICALLY proven to help those with anxiety or depressive disorders.
You cannot escape 'around' negative feelings or emotions, you must feel them, endure them, understand where they are coming from, and find a coping mechanism (such as exercise mentioned above) to overcome or overpower them.
I am an RN and have studied and researched this topic in depth. I have also been sucessful in treating my son, age 17, who had (note HAD) anxiety, with this intervention after the doctor wanted to put him on anti-anxiety meds. That was 4 yrs ago, and he is medication free and carrying on with his life. We all have fears, which is what drives anxiety, and some of us have not learned adequate coping skills.
I have other alternative methods that I used with my son and if you are interested, I will tell you more. It is not guru or quackery, not herbs or teas, just real simple dietary and lifestyle changes. My best to you.