Avoiding him!

now that i again have to see Eric again at work....its freaking me out. i have somehow figured out that its healthy for me to not even LOOK at him! i feel that its better for me to stay away from him in all possible ways! those who have read my previous threads,would know that what mess i created in my obsession with guy. its the new year now,and i really dont want to repeat the mistakes. my friends have been telling me that he has been very nice and soft spoken with them lately (considering he was really RUDE with everyone except a few people)...i feel like somethings is being torn apart inside me... im so trying to get over this guy,and i had thought that i started feeling better,but i think thats just not the case. im still hurting!!and i hate it.

what is the healthy way to cope up with all this? i need ur opinions,i need ur help. my best friend is fed up of all the talk about this guy and i cant go to her for help.

thanks for reading,i really appreciate it!

Sounds like you are still a bit obsessed with him, even if in the "opposite" way of not even looking at him. I think you have to learn to do something more middle of the road. I would spend time with your best friend because she's fed up with your talking about him and, obviously, only wants to discuss other, normal things beside him so much. That might help you? Be around people who don't want to talk about him and stay out of your head/being alone where you obsess.

J,
Wow, I feel your stress emanating right through my screen.
Obsession is a toughie to deal with and my experience is minimal.. From both sides though, I sympathize with you and your friends. Obsession is hard, but dealing with a friend who has an obsession is just as difficult. Still, they are your friends, they should carry on supporting you whatever.

What you really need is a bit of tough love.
I mean. It's an obsession. You don't love him. You might not even know him very well. It's runaway infatuation. Are you projecting your fantasy of a perfect man onto Eric? Do you truly like him? Really?
You need to get tough with yourself, yet be fair with this situation.

It is inevitable that you will see this man, right? Firstly, accept it. All the stressing and panicking in the world won't help. You WILL see him. No negativity can change it.

You need to decide if you truly want this obsession to be over. How many hours of your life have you wasted thinking about him? It could be more than you think.
How many conversations have you monopolized discussing him? Probably a lot.
How much of your friend's lives have you been keeping track of while obsessing? Maybe not so much.
How does this affect your work performance and are you willing to be okay with that?
Obsessions dominate, and we don't realize how much until the damage has been done.

There is no fast and easy way out of this. But you do need to grab control of yourself, shake your shoulders hard and make priorities. What comes first, and thus, what gets your attention?

You then need to devalue your object of obsession. Eric is one man, one man of how many on this entire planet?
He is probably by no means the greatest of them, or even good for you. he probably has qualities that make you recoil.
What are these? How do these qualities alone make you feel? Forget who they are attached to. Look at the behaviour, look at what he does that is unpleasant. Every time a positive, dwelling, longing thought comes along, choose an equally strong unpleasant one regarding this man.

The scales seem to be tipped too far in his favour. You have the rational power to reduce this obsession.

thanks korana! u know i have wasted hell lot of time bcoz of my obsession with this guy. more than a year. and lots of energy. i have tried all that was in my power,to get attention of this guy...i joined gym,got a new hair cut,started being polite with his friend (girl)whom i hate,tried to improve my grades,....and much more. but all in vain. then i started out in more devious ways. contacting him anonymously etc. that was bad,i know. but i have never been able to get his attention.

so now i've been trying hard to get my mind off this guy. but there is ALWAYS something that stirrs up my feelings for him! i dont want this to happen! especially when this guy gives **** to what i think or feel for him!! yes, i do look upon him as an ideal guy. he may not be the ONLY good guy out there,and he may not even be good for me......but since he doesnt care about me at all,i cant stop thinking that im not GOOD ENOUGH for him. very well, i want to move on. i have already wasted so much time bcoz of this guy,and i know that i can never be with him, then ahy cant i just stop THINKING about him

may be its not that complicated, may be its not really that hard. but its affecting me so much and i think thats what matters

but it feels awful not having anyone to talk to about him when i feel like ranting....

As a last resort,i thought about posting him links to my threads on this forum. I know even thinking such things raise questions abt my sanity! thank God,i havnt done that.

I can see just one gud thing in all this : "i want to see him less. " so that probably means i have started healing. Atleast i hope so.

J,
Wow, go slow. Please don't post him links. He probably has no idea of how you feel and your threads might frighten and overwhelm him.
The greatest thing here is that you seem to want this obsession to end. That's definitely a good sign.

I mean, by the sound of things, your self-esteem dips pretty low, huh? Logically you're more than good enough, with all the effort you've put into your appearance alone, you'd be a great partner for him. But he probably doesn't even realise you're into him.
People get confused when all they have to work with are 'signs' and often some people don't really even know how to interpret obvious signs.
Don't interpret his lack of notice for a fact that you're not enough for him. His mind could be anyway, at any time when you're in the vicinity.

Have you thought about dating other people? Spending time with someone else who you think is great might ease the pressure on yourself about Eric.
Maybe you need some mantras too. Put post-its on your mirror. Write things to remind yourself that you're great.
I have a post-it on my dresser that says, "Crazy you may be, but your *** is fantastic."

He knows how i feel about him and he never encouraged him,so he is not a bad guy. I will get over him!

Atleast i should say that

I am always here for you xxxx

I saw him today, and i walked past him quickly to overcome the desire to look at him. I need to stay away from him as much as i can.