feel torn apart..

I am feeling torn apart in my life right now. I have my only daughter who is 19 and well my fiance' just accepted a job several states away.. I really feel like I am forced to make a sacrifice and feel resentful that he chose to take this job when he really didnt have to. I dont know what to do. I will be so sad having to fly up and see her shortly and then a sad goodbye. He will also be bringing his 18 year old daughter to live with us could be another challenge too. I cannot help but feel angry because he knows I would have a really difficult time livin a few states away from her about 1600 miles..Also, my daughter has a boyfriend she lives with. I was apart from her before when she went to treatment center out of state and had visits back and forth it was very sad the distance during that time. It really looks to me I have to choose who I live near my fiance' or my daughter. Any comments at all I appreciate.

Thank You,
Rainwater

Hi rainwater,

Seems you're facing some very tough circumstances and decisions, ones that would no doubt inspire consternation, frustration, and sadness in anyone. Whatever you decide, whether to move with your fiance or remain closer to your daughter, try to resolve your feelings and make peace with that decision before you embark on your new life. Although I can understand your anger and annoyance at your fiance taking the new job so far away, I wonder what may have motivated him if he really did not need this position, as you stated. Also, I wonder if there is any consolation in the fact that your daughter, though still young, is an adult, should you go ahead and make the move. I guess that wouldn't matter as much, as no matter how old they get, your kids are still your kids...

Anyway, all the best to you, and I hope you find happiness wherever and however you start anew.

I couldn't have said it any better than Nola22 did. I completely agree with her.

I just wonder what your daughter has to say about this...

Does she want you to stay with her or is she ok with you moving? Or does she even care? Is this about what you want or about what your daughter wants, none of the above, or what?


Anyway, I wish you resolve, certainty and contentment.

Thank you for your insight about my dilema. This is no doubt the roughest crossroad I've come too. My fiance' accepted this job offer he tells me it is like a step up to him career wise and a little more money though still with same co. and pretty much same position. However, my daughter and I are very close she says she doesnt want me to move that she knows I want to live near family. But,that she doesnt want me to be alone so that is how she is ok about me going.

I don't know what I would do. I'm afraid I would opt to stay close to my daughter. I'm trying to put myself in YOUR shoes -- since you're not married, and he seems to be doing this without considering your opinion -- I think I'd stay. How many other things is he going to do without your consideration? Or did he ASK you??

Yes, your daughter is 19 - but she's still not an "adult" yet. I know when I was 19 I still needed my Mom. Heck, I'm 61 and wish my Mom was alive.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Rainwater,

The worst thing that can happen if you move with your fiance, is that you might realise that it was not the correct choice for you. If so, you can make the decision to move back to your daughter and home based on the fact that you gave it a try moving with your fiance, and it did not work for you.

Just as your fiance has the right to make decisions for himself, so do you. Listen to your instincts, not your emotions or logic in this case. Look within for the answers. At the end of the day, we can always correct mistakes that we make. Whatever your choice, it is always the right one, even if the outcomes are horrible. Everything happens for a reason and all is as it should be.

Take good care of your precious self......and try a bit of softness on self

Michah

Your right Michah, I will focus on my instincts about this dilema I am facing. He has considered my feelings in that he understands I may not be comfortable without my daughter and he is fine doing a long distance relationship and his job may be for only a year in another state. I dunno this is so hard Im just so grateful to have all of you wonderful compassionate friends here to get through tough times like this.

God Bless,
rainwater

Rainwater...

A question just occurred to me. Are you having a hard time figuring out what to do because your are looking for a sure thing? ... I mean, are you waiting for some way that you can be certain that your are making the "right" decision?

You can wait a lifetime for such a thing ... and still never get it.

Choices are like coming to a cross roads that doesn't have any signs telling you which way to go... so you just pick a road and look forward to the new adventures that await you... for no matter what, even with your best planned choices, you can never really know or foresee the true results of ANY choice you make. You just make your best educated guess and go with it! Then sit back and enjoy the ride and make the most of it.

Remember, making NO choice is a choice too... I wonder where the road leading from "no choice" will go... all choices and all roads go somewhere...