[LittleForgetMeNot]

My friend was upset, and after about 2 years of investing all my energy on a person who didn't care, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything more than awkward. I wanted to just turn it off, go away, I wanted to sleep and all I could think of was how I didn't wanna talk about his problems. I was having horrible selfish thoughts how I couldn't handle or take anyone but myself being upset.. I wanted that friend, who maybe isn't really my friend but a victim of my cruelty, to only be there for me right now, and I would get to his problems later.. But I put on the act anyway and pleaded with him to talk to me about what was troubling him. I didn't want to admit I was that selfish, but I believe I am now.

I feel like I just.. faded away. I would usually say I've broken and would usually say this happened about a month ago the when that person cast the final blow, but I was plenty emotional when that happened, I was angry, burning with rage. If I had broken as my dramatic mind sees it, I would have stopped everything there.. but instead since then it's died away slowly over the past month and took my ability to feel empathy and sorrow and happiness with it.

[Leed]

Hi ~ Do you know what the cause of your feelings are? Are they caused by this "friend" that doesn't care or is it life in general that has you numb?

When things have me feeling that way -- when everything seems to be falling on top of me all at once, I start feeling that way myself. There really isn't much i can do about it - I have to wait until it runs it's course, which it ALWAYS does - until I can feel again. For instance, right now my sister is fighting at the University Hospital in ICU with a tracheotomy for breathing ~ she's on life support. She's also bleeding internally, and they haven't been able to find it cause she won't LET them. I have to go down there tomorrow to talk to her & see if she's in her "right mind" or if the drugs are affecting her. I'm numb -- I don't know WHAT to think ~ all I know is I've got to get down there.

I'm sure when this is all over I'll break down into the best little breakdown you've ever seen! I'll probably cry for 3 days. But for the last month since she's been sick, I haven't been able to drop a tear.

So I think we go thru these phases when we're depressed. We're afraid to lose control for fear we might never come "back." Don't worry. You're ok ~ but if you're in therapy, you need to talk with your therapist about this. And if you're NOT in therapy, maybe you should be. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

My friend was upset, and after about 2 years of investing all my energy on a person who didn't care,

I think you are just burned out. Someone sucked up all your caring and love, and threw it in the trash. Cut yourself a break. I don't think you're being selfish. You've been hurt. Give yourself time to heal.

Also, take some me-time for yourself where you have to give as little of yourself emotionally as possible. That helped me after something similar happened to me.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Thank you. I think sometimes that I've been brainwashed by too many people to feel bad when I need a moment to myself. I used to be more self-preserving but people called me selfish and all my friends would go against me, yell at me, etc. Even my Dad has called me selfish before. I grew so tired of being "selfish" that I invested all too much into someone who was very unstable.

When I try to explain that because of said person I cannot do this or do that, becaue either it reminds me of them or it makes me anxious or I just can't put the energy, my friend will automatically snap to "forget about them", "put it in the past", and "don't let them effect you". It makes me believe I'm dwelling and I try not to do that.. but I suppose there is always going to be a domino effect.

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

my friend will automatically snap to "forget about them", "put it in the past", and "don't let them effect you".

I've been told that too. But, I think people telling others how to feel is wrong. How you feel is how you feel. It's not like you asked them how to deal with it. They just impose how they think you should act and think for their own purposes.

That being said, dwelling (if done too much) can be bad because even though the present is part of the result of the past, it isn't the past.

The past does effect you though, so anyone that doesn't understand that and lacks in empathy can get lost.

You are in my thoughts, LittleForgetMeNot. I wish you well.

....sometimes,you may need to let go....not feel....if only for a time.

I don't think any of this defines you as selfish.If it did qualify you....aren't we all many ,many things?People responding with a "forget it."..."put it in the past."...sometimes we just need to vent and hear...."I understand."..."I understand you hurt,I don't know what to do to help...but know I care."I hope these come to you and soothe you.~W~

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

I think sometimes that I've been brainwashed by too many people to feel bad when I need a moment to myself. I used to be more self-preserving but people called me selfish and all my friends would go against me, yell at me, etc. Even my Dad has called me selfish before.

Sounds like you've started working on good self-care and you need to keep on with it. The people you're describing seem to be triggered by the idea that you might someday use good self-care to keep them at a safe distance. I'm afraid an important part of good self-care (related to good boundaries) is staying away from anyone who doesn't want you to use good self-care.

I understand that one of the first things lifeguards are taught is the right way to approach a drowning person. You don't, for instance, let them grab you around the neck because then both of you would be in trouble. Instead you slip around them or even under them and grab them from behind. (Disclaimer: I've never taken water rescue training myself, just read about it a few times and heard it discussed in passing in first-aid classes.) The announcement they make to airplane passengers goes something like that, too: if the cabin pressure fails and the oxygen masks drop down, you need to make sure to put your own mask on before you start helping anyone else.

I grew so tired of being "selfish" that I invested all too much into someone who was very unstable.

Are you sure you were reacting to being selfish rather than, say, having other people say you were or thinking, yourself, that you might be? Anyway, I've never found that doing anything to prove something -- that I'm not selfish, let's say -- actually works. It doesn't seem to satisfy me, doesn't seem to convince anyone else, gets me obsessing about what someone else is going to think of me, and pretty much stops me from noticing what I really could do for anyone.

Thank you, LittleForgetMeNot, and good luck with sorting this out for yourself!