Jerk

I feel like such a horrible person. I can be so nice sometimes, but it's all just a mask. I'm really annoying, moody, selfish, stupid and violent. I don't want to be this way, but I am. I hate myself for the who I am, who I've been and the only ways I can ever see myself being in the future.

Im trying to re programme my thoughts and responses Im shocking I can relate to your post I only have a couple of friends left , Im scarred and paranoid cynical and impatient selfish and envious. Guess that can be result of being dragged thru the mud.
waves

Im sorry that you guys are struggling so much, I know you dont know me or anything but the fact that you recognize things you would like to change shows me whats inside of you, I think your both very good people inside who arestruggling, I struggle with self esteem alot, I sympathize, i hope that things get easier for you and i wanted to send you a hug

Struck a chord there...
I never say everything I'm thinking; I'm sure alot of people would be unneccesarily hurt if I spoke the thoughts that enter my head...and I feel like a bad person because I have these thoughts about family and friends. It's difficult to keep from being over-critical. Not able to fake a smile though...

And I have overdue library books!

We all get this way sometimes. Please stop beating yourself up.

yes, at times I too feel like a horrible person...but therapy has helped me overcome some of those thoughts...for example I used to get really down and beat myself up over some stupid decisions that I made. My therapist helped me have compassion for the me I was when I made those decisions...she helped me to see that when I made the decision I was really trying to take care of myself and meet an emotional need. It doesn't make the behavior "right" but it did help me to understand what I did and have compassion for myself

Forgive yourself for being human. Stifle the bully within. Debunk the distortions. Set goals. Break down the goals into manageable increments. Believe. Move on.

Good luck.

Thine.......we are all of us....many things...each thing having spectrums of variables.I am often time a jerk too.But I am a woman of many parts.I have seen your inner shine.So bright it has been.Do try and find perspective and not go so self-condemning.Your name popping up in p.c has always brought an instant peace to me.In my opinion we are many things.If you want to accept that you can at times be a jerk...you must also see the glow of the love in your heart.Don't be predjudiced against you.~W~

(((thine))) - I think many of us can relate to having a dark side, myself included. I've even done a thread about hate for another person. I think we're all multi faceted and we need to find good coping methods to quell the negative and same for nurturing the postive qualities we have.