lonliness!!??

How do u cope? Even though there are people around, even though I have a boyfriend, family, friends... I still get so down and feel emotionally needy. It gets worse with stress. Some days I just want to give up, because I feel I'll never be truly happy. And that hurts me.
Is there really happiness out there, even if it's through meds and therapy?
Why do some people battle with this more than others? A longing, trying to fill a huge void

I know how it was for ME ~ It was because I didn't like MYSELF. I had to feel comfortable in my own SKIN before I could feel comfortable around anyone else. If I don't like myself, I'm not going to be very good company around other people. I'm going to feel like a fish out of water; I'll feel lonely in a room full of people.

So I needed therapy to find out why I didn't like myself - why I HATED myself. Once I discovered the reasons, I set upon correcting those things. Now I LIKE being alone with myself. I DO feel comfortable being me ~ I like myself. That's important if I'm going to have friends because you project how you feel about YOU to other people.

If you're not in therapy, I'd suggest perhaps you'd find a good therapist and talk about things. It's done me a world of good for this and other problems. God bless!! Hugs, Lee

Thanks. I am in therapy, but not quite sure of how to tackle this.
Kind of consoled myself that this is how life was going to be. Not that there actually was something I could do to change things

Hi sugahorse,

I'm afraid I don't have any words of comfort, because I am feeling the same way as you. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in how you're feeling.

Well suga,

Many people feel as though they are lonely. Especially when you are in your 20's. Even if you have family and friends you can still feel somewhat alone. People often feel that whenever they feel this way, there is something wrong with them.

But, the truth is, it is normal. We all have our different perspectives on life all during life. We all have our own questions and we observe others and compare ourselves with others and wonder, why am I not like this person, or how come I can't understand this other person? And we often ask ourselves, why don't I seem to know who I am?

Well, what we don't realize is that we do know more about ourselves than we think. And we often see how we differ from others and think that we need to be more like others. Did you know that OTHERS feel the same way? There have been studies of several different species of monkeys and within those studies we get a base for basic behavior. And it has been found that monkeys are always studieing each other and vying for attention and trying to identify their position within a group.

Chimpanzees are our closest relatives so to speak and they do have a form of social positioning. But what is interesting about them is that it can be broken if one of them creates a tool that the others can use as well. So, there is a way to break the social positioning. So it is with us.
But if you look at animals in general, there is also an order that takes place and a testing for who is stronger and positioning within a herd or
species.

Humans in general, because we are so very intelligent, often get the basics very confused. We don't realize that within each and every one of us there is a basic striving to be stronger and better, it is the way we are designed, nature on the whole is designed that way.

Thruout our lives we always wonder, are we there yet? This is because we really don't realize that we are programed to keep striving and learning and thinking about position and improvement. It is nature driven, what we are born with, the need to grow and survive and be strong. So, it is really natural to wonder if we are there yet. The answer to that question is NO. We will never really feel like we are there yet. And, this feeling is infact normal.

So, that being said, we have to accept that to some degree we will be on our own journey. We have to accept that we will always be learning and growing and looking for answers our whole lives. It is the way we are designed. Life is a personal experience. If we can learn to accept this than we can let go of feeling that we are alone. Lonelyness is normal,
there is never going to be anyone like us, we are all unique.

So we just have to get to know ourselves and see what we can accomplish and learn while we are here. We have to stop and realize that there are going to be things that we do and feel that are different from others. The goal is to learn about ourselves and say, ok, I am looking to improve myself the best way I can and I will always be learning. We can never be another person, but we can learn from other people. And we have the rest of our lives to grow and experience.

Open Eyes

I do a lot of reading; both the escape and the characters with similar problems help me deal with my own until I am rested enough to get back in the fray.

suga, i had to learn to love myself first. that was a journey in itself. there were things about me i discovered i didn't like. i needed to change those things. the things i liked about myself i reminded myself i had them. a list of assets helped. when i felt down i'd pull our that list to remind me of my worth. the void you feel imho is this lack of self worth you feel about self. the-your-happiness comes from within. i thought i'd never get to hurdle over this and be "happy: either. i like the word "content" better, tho.
therapy did help me new ways of dealing with and untangling stuff. so much of my baggage was blaming myself for other's misdeeds. i internalized them. it devalued me. it made me depressed. i was a "worm."
in therapy i had to take responsibility for what we discussed each session. it can help you too if you follow that "rule". that way your T can give you coping skills and enable you to manage things as they come along. so therapy sure shortcutted my learning truths. before i had no hope at all. kept telling T, i just want to be happy. he said if wishing could make it so, you'd be the happiest person in the world! so action works, wishing doesn't.

(((sugahorse)))

As you can see already, many of us relate. A lot of people struggle with emotions like these at some time or other in life, with varying degrees of intensity.

I have struggled with loneliness and self-hate for as long as I can remember. Some days and times are much worse than others. I too work with a T, and he knows these things. His advice to me was pushing myself to focus on other, positive things in life that I can see. Not turn a blind eye, no. Recognize that my loneliness is still there, but, look at the flowers! {Flowers, and nature bring me a sense of peace inside. That's why the flowers were recommended.} The flowers are still beautiful. They do bring me some sense of fullness, and understanding. It isn't perfect, no. But I can bear those feelings that challenge me.

In general, the technique works for me. I often lose myself in nature, so I can feel that release inside of me. Whatever works ~ as long as it's isn't harmful! Right?

Gentle hugs to you!

Thank you everyone. You have given me a very different spin on my initial question and lots of valid points; points and thoughts I need to sit with and internalise. I obviously still have a long way to go, but I need to hold onto the fact that you have managed to get past this and are stronger for it

(((sugahorse)))