[LittleForgetMeNot]

I hate everything. I feel horrible, I feel sick, I feel tired and this stupid house, I hate this house, there is just too much stuff and not enough room. I hate our roommate, he's so stupid and I hate him and now, now I can't find my cat. She's gone, lost somewhere and I have no idea where she is. I can't call for her cause I can't talk, and I can't look for her cause I'm sick, and even if she's just hiding around here I'd never find her because of all this stuff. I live in a pack rat's home! And I keep telling Dad, we don't need 6 desks, we don't need four computers, we don't NEED ALL THIS CRAP. But nooo, he wants to cram everything into a tiny 2 bedroom apartment.

I'm going out of my mind, and no one but my brother is at home, and I'm worried about the cat and I don't want her to be lost forever. Someone should know she is someone's cause we put a collar on her but I couldn't get a tag cause my Dad kept saying wait, wait. Now we waited and now she's gone and I feel like I'm just going to die.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there LFMN, I hope your cat returns soon and I hope you start to feel better!

[Leed]

Bless your heart. You really don't HATE everything ~ you're just so frustrated, you can't stand it.

Living among all that clutter has got to drive you nuts. If you can't find a cat in a house, it MUST be cluttered! LOL I tend to have a somewhat cluttered house too, but most of it isn't my stuff. My daughter lived here until last August, and she left a bunch of her stuff here ~ and I have no place to put it. ARRGGHH!!!

So I do the best I can. Perhaps you can throw some of your Dad's stuff out, little by little when he isn't looking. I sure would !! I'd KEEP throwing it out too, until things got to looking a little more liveable.

You're not alone ~ many people live that way. There IS hope. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Our kitty is lost, followed our other cat downstairs and I guess didn't understand how to get back like he can. There is a lot of frustration going on, this morning I had to chase after my brother who ran out in the morning when I was sleeping and my Dad was at work. He just walks right out the door and he's only 9. He's been doing this since he was about 5 years old and has been brought back by the cops tons of times. I hate it, and it happens every summer almost everyday. It's so worrying and frustrating that he can't just stay home or ask if he can go and I am always the only one who has to deal with it. My Dad never deals with it.

I wish I could just throw stuff out but it would be noticeable, believe me. He'd notice if the extra unnecessary bookshelf sitting in the middle of my room disappeared. I don't like living this way, but I have since I was 8 thanks to my mother who kept moving in and out. She'd move in with all her stuff and then leave with nothing. Then my Dad started finding "fantastic" desks and brought them and now we just live in a junkyard. I really would like to have space and a nice place to live where if one of my friends waited at the door I wouldn't be embarrassed if they caught a glimpse of the living room. One of my friends had to come in and she was shocked about it then has constantly reminded me how bad SHE feels for me.. It's not a dirty house, but a messy one and some days I just feel so trapped and embarrassed about it.

[Leed]

I was always embarrassed about our house growing up too. It was small, cramped, and ugly. Mom was NOT the best housekeeper either. It wasn't littered, but it wasn't clean either. And she NEVER allowed my friends in the house. What was I supposed to tell my friends when they came over? Consequently, I never asked kids to come home with me.

You shouldn't have to be the "keeper" of your brother. Afterall, you're not his Mother ~ but thank God you care enough about him to wonder where he is !!! I'm sure it IS stressful for you. Do you like music? That was the ONLY thing that got me thru at my home -- music would soothe my tender nerves. Back in my day (lol) rock & roll was the "thing" but I was listening to old music like Frank Sinatra, Big Band music, slow music, - I was a weird teenager. LOL I still like that kind of music - anything from the 40's is my kind of music and I didn't even live back then. LOL

I hope you can find some way to relax. Prayers are coming your way. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Yeah, I have a few ways of relaxing and I usually do by the time my dad gets home. I have a friend who I can talk to whenever through the computer and classical music (especially the pieces in Disney's Fantasia as I used to fall asleep to that movie) to calm me down almost instantly.

It's very hard though sometimes, my brother has a mild intellectual disability so he doesn't understand a lot of things and why you cannot run out by yourself. My Dad also works a lot to keep up with bills and my brother's obsession with spending money.. Sometimes I feel like I'm more the parent than my Dad. My Dad as I've been told either is too over worked or feels too sorry for my brother to properly discipline him. When I go out I end up taking up the responsibility of dealing with tantrums when 5 bags of cookies are rejected by me to be bought. If my Dad goes shopping alone with my brother.. well my brother is supposed to be on a diet as he is very over weight, but they once came home with 3 bags of cookies and 6 types of "healthier" chips.

My therapist discourages me stepping in as a parent, and handling too much responsibility as it damages my mental and emotional well-being but I can't help it. I've always been the type of person to do that, and it has always been on me to care for him. This weekend however was just full of bad events..

[Open Eyes]

(((((((((((((LittleForgetMeKnot)))))))))))))

I think that this is what you are seeing here. Your father is making a statement by all this.
You know, sometimes people do things that we don't understand and it can make our lives feel just like what you are describing. I think what your father is saying in all this is the desks really mean something. To him, it is an object that represents organization and that is something that he wants but just can't seem to get. It is kind of a reminder of what he needs so he collects them.
Now my husband collects boats, thank god I have a big yard. But it means something to him, little reminders of something he likes to do or needs to take time out to do. And he will know it is there for that day he can take off and play around with whatever boat it is. People have a way of doing that and they don't really realize what it all means, not on a real cognitive level.

So, now you ARE the woman in the house, that one that always stays at least for now. And your brother always leaves for a reason too. He just cant take all the sense of the disfunction that is going on and think about when all that started, and then think about when he started doing it.

Now you also have to think about yourself in this picture because your important too. You have been feeling this for a long time too and that is probably why you feel depressed and even overwhelmed.

This is an example of the things that go un-noticed in peoples lives and they end up having a lot of trouble with depression, self esteem, finding meaning to life, hybernating, distancing, and they just can't put their finger on it somehow, just like what your father is doing and it is effecting all of you.

Now, I have had this happen to me too. But I didn't just settle Lfmn. I MADE THE CHANGE TO ALL THIS. And when I did that, it meant something not only to me, but for everyone else around me. Here is the way out, and the way to finding you as well, a beginning of learning how to make something out of what appears to be just one thing. This is something that all of you can learn by your taking an action.

You have only made a statement. You havent tryed to market it. Think about that.
Every time you turn on the TV, some commercials come on and they are trying to Market something. It is all designed to make someone do something, buy an idea or product. Now, you have an idea, you need to figure out how to sell it. Perhaps you could look around at the different things that are there and draw some sketches of how the place could look more like a home arrange it on a piece of paper, part of marketing also. And you may think of one area where he could have one desk and a little space for himself. So, try some marketing stratigies that do respect that about him. Perhaps the idea is to allow him to claim organization a different way. Maybe really watch those what to do with small spaces programs and think about it. Sometimes bookshelves can be used very creatively as particians like a wall that makes a separate space in a room, a place for a desk and a little office.

People sometimes have no sense of structure or how to organize. There are very creative ways to create space in little places. Really neat ideas. I have found that in my life, I was the one who had to create those spaces. The truth is that no matter how small a space is, it can be made into a little home. You know, you are the woman here in this picture now. Find out when that program is on, it is HGTV.

I have some more ideas in my nest post

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Now, here is an example, ok you got my creative juices going here. It sounds like there is a lot of book cases. Well, you could pick a corner of that room or even his room, think of all the spaces here, the real space. You can use bookcases as I have mentioned as a partition for a kind of wall creating a little space. Now depending on where that corner or little space would be, the part of the bookcase that would be the shelves would probably be part of the little work areas with one of those desks.
The outside could be covered, perhaps a big type of cork board or even fabric that could either be a curtain or a pretend window or a pretend wall that could be there for a picture or pictures of some kind. You have to think about even doing one in and out, maybe a shelf in the area and outside the area with a blank space for puting something like a picture in one room or a kind of corkboard, bulletin board in the other.

There is so many ways to take clutter and create. Think about that.

You know, I have found that whenever I start a creative process and others start to see it, they want to join in. That brother of yours could join in with you in moving this stuff around to create something, it can be fun you know. Boys like to build forts you know, that is another marketing strategy. It is learning about presenting and idea Lfgmn. You are the woman in the house, you have to work with these two men. You have to use your noodle and get them to use their noodles. LOL

Now a desk can be used as a desk, it can be used as a sofa table, it can be used as a coffee table that can be covered with a sheet, sheets are inexpensive. You can even use something to put under that sheet that will resist stains. A desk can be used to be at the end of a bed for a desk or put in a room covered to put a TV on. It can be used in so many ways. You have to look at what is not only there but what could be there. It is called using something to create something. A desk can even turn into a pretend fireplace because it has that opening that could be used for pretend logs. I have a table that I put in front of the sofa because we often eat while watching TV. It isn't a big table but it is high enough to sit at the sofa and eat. Well, a desk can do that too, be made to look like it belongs. It can be covered and changed to be something other than a desk. Two desks can be pushed together against a wall and shelves can be put on top of them to make an entertainment center. A desk can be used alone with a shelf on top, something you may pick up at some kind of junk shop, or second time around shop to be made into a hutch for dishes, or even a shelving unit to display pictures and books. A desk can even be used in a kitchen as a center island. A desk can be covered with a piece of plywood and act as the beginning of a table that people can sit and eat at and you can do it in a way that still protects the desk. A desk can become a vanity where you can put a mirror on top and have a place for makeup and underwear and jewlery. People have used desks for bathroom vanities where they cut a hole in the top and place a sink. So, a desk can be many more things than just a desk.

MARKETING AND USING THE NOODLE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING AND SEEING THE CLUTTER, MAKE SENSE OF THE CLUTTER IN A FUN WAY. It will also help all of you turn to the direction of
bringing a much needed order back into all your lives. Now, it doesn't have to be perfect you know, it is a way of all of you to take a move towards becoming more organized in life.

You know, I have done this myself and it really works. You do not have to accept this LFMN.
You CAN do somthing about it. I know that what you are seeing now is the clutter, but, YOU CAN CHANGE THAT FOR ALL OF YOU. And you might findout that you like it, and it can empower all of you and even bring you together. It is not about a desk LFMN, its more than that, and all my suggestions can be just a beginning of learning how to market life.
Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

I just want to make sure that you understand that I am not saying that you should be a mother here or even a wife. That is not the meaning of this at all.
What it is giving you permission to do is how to give yourself some options in Life inspite of the clutter in it.

It is a beginning of seeing what you can do inspite of what is cluttering your life.
As you can see, your father and brother do not understand this. Instead they just keep cluttering or running away or eating too much. Your father takes your brother shopping and he buys him comfort in picking the wrong foods. See, now this is another statement that he is saying. He doesn't know how to do it any other way.
You can't blame him, he just doesn't know. Parents often just don't know, understand how to get on a positive track.

This is not uncommon, it is also going on in many people that come to PC. It is said in so many ways but it is talking about the same thing. That is why therapy is important good therapy to learn how to deal with life clutter. How to see it and say ok, yes, there is another option.

Everyone has to look at what it is they are allowing to own them in some way. No, it isn't easy, but if you learn how to really look at it and say, well, its is not going to be perfect, life just isn't perfect. But, I can live a decent life and learn to understand what is important and what is not and how I can make changes by looking at it differently. Just like that desk, it isn't just a desk, it can be other things too.

Yes, you can listen to music and take a nice bath and even pamper yourself. But while your doing those things think about the different ways you can make those desks into something more functional and yes, you can be creative and no, you are not going to do it all at once.
It is one desk at a time, it a planning and doing rather than just ignoring it by listening to music.
It is learning how to not let it own you. It is not about taking over for others, it is more about how YOU can make changes and see what is really there and what YOU can do about it. For YOUR piece of mind. And the good part is that someday your not going to be there, you will be on your own and guess what, you can take what you have learned by seeing the desks differently with you.

It can be fun you know.

Open Eyes