Hey all,

So I've been talking to my real father for a couple weeks now and it's really bringing up a lot of emotions. he was a drug dealer and left when I was 2 for prison. Enter my step-dad whose a pedophile. Needless to say, now my dad is a part of my life i'm wondering what kind of mess he's going to leave when he inevitably leaves again. Ever since i re-met him in 2001 he's had this pattern of coming and going. I can't take it anymore because I feel emotionally that a pedophile/rapist will come along after him and then my life turns to crap again. I want to self-soothe by acting out on addictions but that's just not the right choice. Help! What do I do?

Love and hugs,
Tara

[Leed]

I know this must be a painful issue for you. My granddaughter went thru the same thing, until her dad finally just stayed away. She's only 15yrs old, and she has just finally accepted the fact that he's a jerk ~ and he doesn't DESERVE her. She refuses to allow him to hurt her anymore.

Perhaps that's a stand that you will have to take too, if your Dad disappears again. Of course it's painful. But after awhile, when these dads keep doing this time after time, you have to set up boundaries. You have to STOP allowing them to keep hurting you. Lower your expectations -- just figure that he's not coming back and then you don't be disappointed if he doesn't. These dads don't have a clue how painful this is to their kids, or they wouldn't keep doing it. But some are so selfish, maybe they WOULD keep doing it, who knows?

If your mom marries a pedophile/rapist, for heavens sakes, STAY AWAY!!! Don't go near him. Your mother should have better sense than that -- they never change! They will always keep attacking little children. It sounds like your mother needs help.

There is NEVER a good reason to use drugs!!! Drugs KILL - believe me. I have seen too many friends die from overdoses -- some on purpose, and some accidental. Drug addiction is a horrible, painful, expensive, disease. And it's progressive ~ it gets worse and worse and it goes along. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict so I know what I'm talking about. Don't EVER use drugs to "self-medicate" because you'll end up with a life of hell. You have no idea what you will go thru just to get high. DON'T USE DRUGS!!! God bless. Hugs, Lee

Hi Leed,

Thanks for the response. As far as acting out on addicitons it's more sexual acting out than drugs. I never got into drugs but sexual acting out is so painful. I have four and a half months sobriety and am doing well but lately have really been wanting to jump on craigslist and find somebody to act out with. Just something to soothe the pain. It's so frustrating not being able to soothe in the ways that I'm used to. I haven't quite built up healthy soothing skills yet.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[Leed]

What other things can you think of that tend to soothe you? Does music soothe? Does working with your hands, i.e. a craft? Does reading?

Something that REALLY soothes me are the CD's of different nature sounds like the ocean, the tide rolling in, a gentle rain, thunder, a rain forest, etc. There's a whole bunch of these CD's in a packet and it's not real expensive either. You can find them anywhere they sell CD's. I just sit back & close my eyes and listen to one of those, and OH BOY -- that really calms me. In fact, they even have put me to sleep!! These are healthier soothing tactics than using drugs or sex. LOL

Congrats on your 4 months of sobriety!!! That's great! And you did it one day at a time, right? So did I. lol Hugs, Lee

Hello, Tara. I ask my familiar query: Is professional help an option for you?

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/...nment.aspx?p=1
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...in-abandonment
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-do-i-go-here
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-healing-begin
http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...ady-be-reading
http://helpguide.org/mental/child_ab...al_neglect.htm
http://helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm

Good luck.

Hi Lee,

Thanks for the tips, music is definitely a soother for me. So is the gym, I'm off there in a minute. Yes, one day at a time!

Byzantine - thanks for the links. I do receive professional help through a therapist (spiritual advisor). It just seems sometimes like it's not enough.

Love and hugs all,
Tara

Hello, tara_922. There is nothing wrong with telling your spiritual adviser you could use more help.

Hi Byzantine,

I did talk to my spiritual advisor and he said i can call him any time. i also have people in the 'program' that i go to for sex and love addiction that i can call any time. I do have support in place, it's just learning to lean on the support that i have without feeling like a burden. Thanks for the support!

Love and hugs,
tara