[LittleForgetMeNot]

I shut down the other day. Emotions just went down the drain. I had a BAD argument with my best friend. The second argument ever we've had, but the very first bad one where he literally came out and told me I "pissed him off" and that he was tired of my bs. He was sick of how I "always turned our convs into crap about the past". This argument only went through maybe 5 bad lines then went into something good again.. something that might give it hope. Where people could forgive and forget because it was no longer bad.. But after hearing those things from him.. It was just so familiar. I was calm, but.. not good calm.. bad calm. Calm where I couldn't feel anything else. It was all so familiar, the "curse" that I have makes this same scenario happen over and over and over and over and over. Basically, this same thing has destroyed my friendships and relationship in the past. It was something I knew, but not something I expected from him.

Like I said it was bad, and it got better quickly, but now I can't even talk to him for more than 5 minutes. I cannot think of anything more to say other than one word responses. I feel just.. dead. I feel so distant, so far away from him. I don't FEEL hurt.. but maybe I am.. I just feel nothing.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sorry LFMN - maybe you just need to give it a little time. Could you write him a letter explaining that you didn't expect this from him and you're working on how you deal with relationships now? Numbness is common when the feelings are too intense. Try to identify if you are hurt, confused, or whatever...Try not to feel like you are cursed! Try to feel like you are working on these things and that takes time. And remember - it sounds like a lot of these things are based on past experiences, that doesn't mean all your current/future relationships will be that way. Stay strong!

[Thomas in Ohio]

I agree with CSC 100%.

[Direction]

When things get intense, I have trouble thinking straight...so I would agree with CSC also...

[Queen of Chaos]

I don't remember ever being seriously hurt or offended by anyone outside of my immediate family but something happened several years ago, shortly after my father died unexpectedly, that utterly (and somewhat literally) pulled the rug out from under my feet for several months. I won't go into details but (as is often the case) one of my siblings basically overwhelmed my grieving mother and talked her out of 95% of what we all considered family keepsakes. I've never been so angry, so disappointed, so totally shocked in my entire life.

I absolutely felt "dead" - I felt numb, I was hurt, I was angry, I really couldn't believe what had happened. For awhile I didn't want anything to do with this person, I avoided her, I didn't know what to do, how to move forward, how to ever regain the respect I'd always felt for her - I just shut down mentally and emotionally.

Time made things better. I thought my heart was so numb, so broken, it couldn't grasp what my brain knew had happened and it wasn't as much about the keepsakes that were taken as it was that someone I loved had behaved so poorly, had been so greedy, etc.

Time was like a tonic - things did improve In time I decided every bit of what was taken wasn't worth much of anything and it certainly wasn't worth compromising one minute of my life worrying about it. As more time rocked on, I came to the realization that I honestly didn't want the stuff - it was just that this person had left me feeling so betrayed.

As the years have progressed, I've practically forgotten and forgiven this person (telling myself that she actually did me a favor by cleaning-out everything ) BUT I very much do understand how something can hurt so much at a particular time that your heart and mind can't immediately grasp the finer points and you feel shut down mentally, emotionally and physically.

Time will, I really believe, mend much (if not all) of the disappointment and pain you feel right now. Good luck!

[ademarco21]

You need to thinks things over about how you feel about your best friend. It seems like from your post you a lot of your relationships have ended in a manor that you take it as being your fault. The feeling dead emotion is you going though shock because it seems as if he was one of the last best things in your life. Like i said, you need to identify what exactly he is talking about in his complains and work on them and tell him how you have changed.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Thanks.. I think maybe this is some defense mechanism kicking in.. I mean, I've been told a lot that everyone is different and therefore the same outcome won't even happen.. But for every person that said they were different the same thing has happened. This "curse" is really just my personality.. I can be very.. selfish when it comes to my feelings my problems. A lot of the time I need someone to lean on but cannot be relied on to support someone else. This leads to a lopsided friendship where the other person feels neglected..

I try my best when I can to support my friends but a lot of the time I just can't. In the end, they all just start hating me. This hatred has lead to intense bullying and emotional abuse.. and it wasn't just once or twice, it's been from every friend I have EVER had.