Angry mess

So far this morning I have smashed a $250 iron and made an impressive hole in the wall.
My kids are too scared to come near me which isn't surprising.

FML

Hi Flooded, I'm sorry that you're feeling so frustrated. I can sympathize with you because I've been in your situation.... where I felt that everything irritated me and nobody understood me at all. I hope you feel better soon. A couple of things that I tried were exercise and meditation. When I was very frustrated a long walk worked the best for me. It got me out of the immediate situation and made me tired enough that I was a little less irritable. Good luck and all the best to you ---slow

Thanks slow. I'm going shopping to get out for awhile.

Still feel like **** tonight.
I doubt very much anyone would even notice if I disappeared..

Going to see my pdoc tomorrow for the first time since my mini-breakdown. Well, I'm seriously undecided about if I should go or not - if I can face her actually since I emailed her what I had done.
This is going to be a hard one.

It sounds like your angry and feel unappreciated. Are you just a servant? If so, than you need to let up and serve yourself. It really sounds like you are in a lifestyle that is not lending itself to taking time out for you. Maybe take some courses at night, something for you. Often wives and mothers get very bored with just the upkeep and it is work that never ends.

Think about what you can let go, ofcourse the children need attention, but they also need to learn how, if they feel this way, then there is an answer which includes taking care of ones self.

And also, have you tracked this, maybe you are having bad pms and don't realize it.
Bad PMS can thow an iron a mile sometimes.

And, I don't know how old you are but some women get really off before, during and after the change of life. Maybe a check with the gyno is in line.

Dont worry about the pdoc but perhaps it may be an issue that you havent considered yet and some pdocs don't think about that.

Just an idea
Open Eyes

Actually, I did have pms know that I think about it....

I wouldn't really call myself a servant. I'm a mum of two small boys so I guess I am in some ways. My husband is an excellent support and brilliant daddy.

I'm not old enough for menopause yet. Look out in another 10-15 years

Thats wonderful that your husband is an excellent support for you. Oh, two small boys, that is a challenge a house full of males. Little boys can be very challenging and even exhausting. They have a lot of energy and can really test and drain. Not to say they aren't wonderful, but no real femine presence in the home but you.

Keep track of that time for pms, some herbs and medications can help with that. Maybe if you can track it and know that it is coming try to schedule some self care days, shopping the movies etc. I know so many women, even myself that during that time it didn't take much to lose control. I dont have that anymore but I can really remember. My daughter has that time every month that she get either angy or short tempered or tearful, so we all have to think about that and how it really effects us.

Chin up, talk to your pdoc, make sure you plan to take out time for yourself, find something you really enjoy doing. Hey, it is good your pdoc is a female, maybe she could think about that pms with you. Look at the paper and see if there are some type of classes you could take at night, anything cooking classes or art classes or writing or anything that is something that may be fun to learn and for you. It can get you out with people too.

Open Eyes

Been to my psychiatrist and for the first time in two years of seeing her I actually cried.

Flooded,

I'm glad you went to the pdoc. Also, the fact that you cried is probably a good sign. I think sometimes we females try to be very, very strong especially when we have kids because we want them (and our husbands) to think we're invincible. But then all the emotions build up and become unmanageable.

It sounds like your pdoc was supportive and you were able to be honest with her. I'm glad because that is often the first step in beginning to feel better.

I hope you soon find some things that will work for you. Keep posting so we know how you are!

slow

My pdoc is VERY supportive. Knows exactly what and what not to say and when. I'm damn lucky she hasn't got rid of me after all the crap I've pulled on her!!

Yes I know what your feeling. I am very angry alot too especially recently. I have smashed phones, broken dishes and glasses, etc.

I too have to find the happy medium and find a way to walk away. It's very hard. Any tips your pdoc gave you?

She told me to get a punching bag and I actually have one downstairs
I don't seem to have any awareness between the time my anger manifests to the time I act if that makes sense.
It's really scary