I don't know [Rant]

I got some bad news about an hr or so ago. It hurt me. I didn't want to believe it.
I cried and cried...was so tense. I wanted to throw up. Was thinking of cutting myself but I went to take a bath instead. Cried some more there but I kinda calmed myself down.

Basically, I thought I was having a good day. Hell, I was having a couple of weeks. But then, in talking with my bf, he tells me that he wants me to leave him alone. We were fine these couple weeks. Even this morning was great. Then he tells me this. Long story short, he had to deal with my moods/anger a couple months before....which did last for a long time. I would calm down but then lash out again. When I was in my monster mood, I'd become a jealous jerk. Yes, I put him thru hell but I've been doing my techniques that I've been taught. We had it good these couple of weeks. We talked like before. We were affectionate and all that. I was calm and cool and happy...which to me was the most important. I was happy again and feeling stronger that I can pull out of this because I have him. I know that I put him thru hell...that I was not well and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart that I did that to him. He didn't deserve it at all. It's because of him that I am how I am now...

Anyways, usually when I hear something I do not like, I tend to overthink things and blow things up.
As much as the news hurt me, I was able to calm myself and think logically. He had been thru much crap with me. And recently lost his job and hadn't been sleeping well. I know that he loves me and this is just a thing since he got put into a bad mood today because of said events.

Gah...this is all over the place. I guess what I'm asking is what am I to do? Is it wrong for me to believe that he's down and said that and not mean it? Should I wait?

I don't expect any answers quite honestly. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Though, any advice is much appreciated.

I would not overthink/feel about this. He wants you to leave him alone so I would do that. Whether he will feel differently/better and approach you again is not known. I would hope for that but go on with my own life, get some things/emotional work done while he is not in contact? He wants to be left alone; it's not about you! You can help him by doing as he asks.

i'm curious, are you on meds for your moods? if so i'd call your pdoc for an adjustment of your meds.
as for the bf let him go. it's hard for u i know but it will help if you move on with your life.

Hello, Vampyre. I hope things work out for the best.

No. I'm not on meds. And thanks guys...it's not going to be easy....

He's been my rock for the last 2 yrs...