[jofomodosho]

On the news the other day i caugh a glimps of the story, someone had been murdered in a park quite local to me and the suspect for the murder is very possibly one of my mums ex's, all the information given abot the man points to it being him. they were together on and of for a couple of years and out of my mums many many many many relationships (well if you would call them relationships,) he was the only one who made an effort with me, i was 6/7 when i was introduced to him and i spent alot of time with him, he would take me for days out and he took me fishing for the first time, my mum and grandma never did anythink like this with me, it was the closest to feeling close to a 'parental figure' i had ever felt before as my mum was never there as i was growning up sometimes phsically when she felt like it that is, never once emotoionally, she would just dump me on my grandparents when she felt like it, i was never good enough in her eyes from being a very little girl. i have never met my father before according to my metally ill mother he didnt want to know me.

when i watched this news report it really hit a nerve. as im getting older more and more pieced of my past are lies and it just bothered me to think that this father like figure i once looked upto that old me he was going to adopt me and that he would be my dad, could now be a cold blooded killer. everyone thinks im over reacting to feel this way, yeah i know i dont know for sure but he was in with that kind of crowd and its such a small comunity so its very likley. am i just way to sensitive or something?

[Missingno]

You're not overreacting. Losing someone close to you is always difficult. I hope you manage to get through it.

[mgran]

You're not over reacting. (((hug))) Hope you're okay...

[holly.short]

You have the right to feel however you want/need to feel, It seems to me an i could be wrong but, This guy obviously made a huge impact on you when you were younger, what ever happened between him an your mum to cause the split ment that you suffered the loss of a dad. Now with everything your facing im not surprised your confused. A peice of the world you held close has just been tiped upside down. Hope you find the surport you need here at PC.

holly

[krazy_phoenix]

Wow Jofo! I'd say that was all pretty huge myself!!

I think its pretty major to think that anyone in your life could be a murderer, let alone someone that was in a very trusted and custodial position, with you at a very defenceless age. I'm sure a million scenarios are pouring through your mind.

But I guess thats what you need to let happen - let those thoughts pour 'through' your mind, do not hang on to them, and do not revisit those thoughts once you have looked at them.

The facts are that a man was in your life and he was in yours, and during that time, you both made each other happy. You both enjoyed spending time together and I'm sure he has as many happy memories from that time as you do. As an older person, you now understand the twists and turns that life throws at you that are too complicated and beyond the understanding of a child. However he was then, Whoever he was then, is what still matters to you now. You don't have to alter your memories to reflect current circumstances. Everyone is fallible and everyone changes, including those who we have idolised as children, and including yourself.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I think it is shocking what has happened. A person took another person's life. And you were, for a time, that murderer's step-child for all intents and purposes. I think as a society we are so used to hearing about horrific acts perpetrated by one human being against another that we are guilty of becoming immune to the gravity and enormity of the crime, and have simply stopped 'feeling' the result as a whole because we hear about it every 5 minutes. If we did feel the horror/fear/disgust/apprehension etc each time we would be stuck in a permanent state of alarm. Instead we minimise/block/ignore. I don't think either way is right or wrong.

Although what has happened is not about you (my heart goes out to the poor person who lost their life, and their family who is now grieving and have the rest of their lives to try to come to terms with their loved ones' untimely and distressing death), you are nonetheless entitled to have a gamut of emotions surrounding this.

Remember, keep talking about your feelings, thinking about it, but more importantly, remember to be letting it all go as you do. No hanging on to it.

Hope this offers you something...
kp