missing you (e)...little message

sorry for those who didn't know her but i miss her sooooooo very much and i just wated to say............love you erica!!!!!!!!!! i miss you everyday, PC is not the same without you.....wow you sure did leave a massive hole in my heart....wish you was here...with your bubbly personality, all the hugs, the love and care you shared with everyone....you became a bear for a reason....and that reason is b/c we love/ed you like you are/were family you was my sis.....we have had many convosations and each time if i had know i wouldnt have said good bye, i wouldnt have let you go.....i would have stayed with you......but i didnt know....now i was too late...each day goes by with no one really knowing or caring but deep down me i cry for you...sometimes i hate to let it surface but half the time i can not help it.....i say your name and i cry...i look at your picture and i cry...i read some of the posts that you wrote.....and all the time i'm wishing you kept your promise, wishing you would come back, wishing that it wasnt true, wishing and wishing and wishing and wishing now i just dont know what to do with myself, some times i want to SI other times i want to be sick, sometimes i want to be with you but other times i'm glad i have people here. they help me get by each day, put a smile on my face but its still not the same the way i felt when you came into a room...you told me you loved me, you gave me a hug, you said i made you feel special, you said you loved the way i always greeted you.....you even said one time that you saw i was on and came into chat before you was going to do something stupid...that made me feel special knowing me just being here helped you and stopped you from what you had planned....near the end i wasn't here....to greet you the way i did, i wasn't here for you when you needed me the most....i let you down and for that i'm sorry....may you be happy now and in peace...just know you was loved by many and are truely missed heartbrokenspecial

Hey Special,

I sorta know who Erica is, as I had only talked to her once! It saddens me to read that she had left so much pain and hurt behind!!, dealing with death is difficult but their are people you can talk to, you can't blame yourself, you should be happy you helped and supported her knowing that she is now safe, remember what you told me "S/he will always be with you not in person, but soul" She will never leave you or want to hurt you, just remember she cares about you, always will look after you and watch you, I hope you keep reaching out to members here Special, always -Hugs-
R.I.P Erica!

Angel
Xx

It sounds like you made Erica feel special and loved during the time she was on here with you - it is really sad to think her pain was too much for her to bear in the end - I am sure she is still with you though, in your thoughts in your heart - I am sorry it is so painful for you still right now -

Thank you. special, for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us. They are important. Erica is missed. Not knowing the true pain she was in is something we have been left to deal with. Ive been told by many that a way to honor Erica now is to turn our memories and the impact she had on each of us into something positive. Erica had many positives....the one that I always admired in her was the fact that she was willing to "step out" of her box in an effort to address some of her fears and needs. That is something I hold onto.....her strength she showed even when it was scarey for her. She wanted to get better and she wanted to put her fears behind her...That is my motivation and what I take from knowing Erica. Thank you babygirl for showing me that my fears are ones I can face and someday put behind me.Love you special...! (e)

Thank you **Angel** i know she is with me its just i wish i could just have one more talk with her....she said i was beautiful and i told her i wasn't like i tell everyone...i just wish thats all....i just felt i needed to write this for her...has i haven't really expressed much about it so this is my way hugs back..im ok specail

Thank you for the comment and saying this...means a lot...thank you s back

I did not have the chance to meet Erica. However, through you spech, through tarmy and through others I have got to know her spirit and her soul.

You as well as others here had a gift and that was to know Erica and to have had that bond with her, to develop memories that will last a lifetime.

Remembering those great qualities she always put out there and showed her friends here is something that you can give back to her. It's something that you and everyone here can celebrate...her life she gave , her heart she showed and her spirit she left behind.

Share those qualities and healing can begin.

Love you and always here for a shoulder.

Thank you tarmy....i had to write something.....it was eating me up inside and no one talks anymore....its what i was doing while i was kinda talking to you. I have been trying to tarmy....i did well at college...i havent given up...i keep fighting even tho i want to be where she is...im here....she has shown me that if i was to ever get that low to cry out for help b/c i couldnt hurt any of you like this....i love you all too much.....just please done leave me tarmy....please! (e) miss you babygirl

Thank you karrin.....made me cry reading this....thank you so very much....if you had gotten to know her i know you would have liked her (loved her) like we did.do. its why i wrote this karrin....to say a message for her and to say what she said to me and how she made me feel and how i made her feel (well what she said to me that she felt anyway) love you karrin!!!!!! you have been ACE with me these past few days when i have needed someone and you helped me see differently from our talk on fb while i was at college...thank you!!!

my dear spech....i am always here for you..you are welcome but honestly, it's my pleasure to be here for you. For you show the most maturity and honesty i have ever seen in my life. You show such character in ways that even I as a 42 year old woman sometimes don''t even show. I love you!

Awwww thank you karrin that is soooo sweet what you said about me!!!! Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooo very much.......it means a lot to me. i know that you are here for me love you too!

((((((((( iamspecial ))))))))))

Thank you for my hug

She posted this to me that day when she said whats is in those brackets, i just looked for it and found it and it made me cry reading it again...from her to me....now i really do feel i let her down by not being here for her (((e))) love you and miss you everyday

My heart still aches for you!! I still cry for you!! I'm hitting a real low right now and could do with talking to you!! It's like i have learnt nothing form all this!! All i do now is hurt or push those who care for me away. Shutting them out.....slowly disapearing without people knowing or noticing that i'm going......I made a massive mistake that i can't ever take back. I can say i'm sorry till i'm blue in the face but that wont matter......erica.....i need you to be with me. MISS YOU HEAPS!!!! mee ((( e )))

I'm so sorry When I read this thread I feel emotional. I am sorry for your loss

Thank you happycheeks, i'll be ok i guess, i have to be!! (((((happycheeks)))))

((((iamspecial))))

I am really sorry for your loss, This really touched my heart reading this, Much love to you.xxxx

Thank you for the hugs and thank you for your comment, sorry if it upset you ((((buttercup)))) thank you much love back. xx

Still missing you Erica.....i had a good sesson today with my t.......we talk about you sometimes.....i still cry when she wants me too.....you was so very special, i just wish we could have made you see that you was and just how much we care/d about you.....My wish is for you to be happy now and in peace.....i will write again soon hun!! I feel it will do me good too If only wishes came true!! ((((( e ))))) Special

Well i guess people think i'm stupid for keep writing in here to you......i honestly don't care!! I just wish you was here right now for me to talk to.....since you left us everyone just isn't the same....it's like we are not one anymore.....we used to be so close but now......its like we don't even want to know each other (but i still do want to know but others don't)....Why couldn't you have stayed and talked to me?!?!? I love you Erica (((( e )))) special

I'm so sorry. You're not stupid for writing what you put. I understand you must be very upset. I don't have any advice but I just want to give you a hug .

Thank you Happycheeks for my hugs. I think others think i am stupid b/c i tend to come back here and write to her......even tho i know she can't read them or even know what i'm thinking and feeling for her. I guess i am still upset....i will be ok tho.....no worries. It's ok..there isn't any advice that can be given hun so no worries i know. massive hugs back