[LovesShelly]

I give up on all of this. I hate it all. Why can't people tell the truth anymore?? Stupid me to let yet another person hurt me. Hahaha. I know it's all my fault though, everything always is. They tell you they love you, that they 'care'. Then the leave you when you need them most. I don't care anymore. Everyone does it, they all hate me. I'm crazy, right??? Hahaha thats why they all leave. They don't want me! I'm not good enough. I finally figured it out!!!! I'm so sorry to everyone here. I know I shouldn't be here. I deserve everything that happens to me. I'm the problem! Hahaha. It's sooo clear, why didn't I see it before?? I deserve everything. All the pain, the thoughts, EVERYTHING!!!! I'm soo sorry. I really am.

[disguise123]

i beg to differ. You sound in the midst of great pain.
Humans hardly ever deserve the pain they suffer.
But i understand where you are. Massive ammounts of pain.
It will pass, remind yourself of that.
Do you have
Anyone to call at times like this?

[LovesShelly]

I know it will pass, but I don't handle things like this well. I felt like I was about to brake, so I wrote this.
No, I have no one to talk to. The only real friend I have is the reason I feel like this now.

[disguise123]

well its good that you did write this, its positive action , even in its negativity.
Whats happened with your friend?

[LovesShelly]

She isn't talking to me anymore. I tried to call her, but she didn't answer her phone. The thing is, she's talking to all her other friends! The only one she isn't talking to is me. She is making plans with her other friends, but she can't call me? I know she has the time, thats what bothers me. She told me I was her 'best' friend, but she never wants to talk to me.
The last time we really talked was at my birthday party. She was so mean to me then. She keeped making fun of me the whole day. She knows I get hurt easy and she didn't care!
I wonder if she hates me now.

[chelseamonster11]

I know what that's like, it feels like everyone who matters abandons me. It gets easier, you'll eventually meet people who you can count on, you just have to be patient and let them it. Do you know why your friend is treating you this way?

[LovesShelly]

It just hurts. I hope someone comes into my life that I can count on soon. I don't really know why she's treating me this way. I reallly wish I knew, though.

[disguise123]

hmm can i ask roughly how old your friend is?? Im sorry shes done this to you. A friend of mine did this to me i let him go. Was quite angry for awhile with him.
After ten years we started talking again. He apologised. It was something he went through, not my fault.
I obviously hope that your friend wakes up to herself faster than this, but protect yourself ok? Its a huge world you will find many like minded people in it and some friends are better let go.

[LovesShelly]

She's 16.
I just thought she would never do something like this, but I was wrong. I hope she calls me soon, so we can talk about it. I would hate to let go of a friend I'm so close to, but I'm wondering if it would be better to let go of her.

[disguise123]

i would say that her age has alot to do with it. Testing boundaries, friendships, learning her own power in relationships.

I would approach her once be open and honest tell her you though you were better friends than this. If she still insists on pushing you away (and isnt in any crisis herself) then id let her go for awhile find another person or people to fill your time and wait for her to get back to you. You dont need silly games,.
Xxxx
I hope you start to feel better. Keep writing if it helps

[LovesShelly]

I know about the whole age thing. I forget that I'm only 16; I feel so much older. I guess that it is a bit 'normal' for teens to act this way.
She isn't in any crisis. She's just doing things with her other friends. I will talk to her about it, though.
I'm not sure when I'll feel better. I'm not sure how I feel right now to be honest. I wish to keep writing here, it helps me to talk things out. I'm just really worried that people will get annoyed with me if I keep posting.

[disguise123]

nope not at all! Thats why we all come to forums to post ,to read, to get help, to respond. Post as much as you like and dont feel selfconsious. There is so much going on here everyday anyway.
Im glad your talking its healthier than bottling.
What else is going on?

[LovesShelly]

Thank you so much. I just worry over silly things like that all the time.
I need to talk more. Bottling things up isn't a good thing, but it's what I normally do.
Just the normal. Parents fighting, my brother hates me, most of my friends don't want to talk to me, my thoughts are driving me crazy, and my 'voices' won't shut up for anything. Oh, and a bad 'habit' is getting worse.

[disguise123]

not good. Why do you feel your brother hates you? Older or younger?
Your bad habit?
Parents fighting is a hard one. How bad does it get. Remember its not your fault , you are not the cause of their fighting. Do you see any type of counsellor?

[LovesShelly]

It's fine. Like I said, it's how things normally are.
He's younger. He thinks I'm a lazy, worthless, fat, idiot. I don't know why, he just does.
I hurt myself. Normaly when I'm upset like I am now. It's a little hard not to do it right now, but I'm trying my best.
Yeah, it is. They scream loud enough I swear that people outside of the house can hear them. I worry that the police might get called. Then they start throwing things and slaming doors. We have many holes in the walls from it. I know I'm not the cause of it, but my parents tell me I am all the time. It's a little hard to remember that it's not my fault.
No, I haven't seen a counsellor since the one at my school told me I was over exaggerating my problems. It's been about a year now.

[disguise123]

well that counsellor was full of crap!
Completely unprofessional. Is there another you could see? I promise they are not generally so stupid as that one!
Your brother , should eventually grow out of it, jealousy maybe.
I think things with your parents are out of hand, they are not right to say its your fault. >
If you are scared you can call the police you know. Or call child welfare.
How is talking to them when they are not angry?
It is definately best not to hurt yourself. I know you feel bad about yourself , but it is so depersonalising and can be addictive to some people.
You need to try promote self protection, even in the bad times. You are a good person and you dont need to be hurt, least of all by yourself. I know its hard, ive been there myself and it destroyed me for years, i cant get that time back now , please look after yourself.

[LovesShelly]

I was planning to ask my mom to go see a professional. I just don't know if I should.
Well thats on the nicer side of things. My mom told me she was going to send me to foster care because I'm a worthless trouble maker. I don't know what I did to make them hate me.
I'm not that scared. 16 years of it makes it a little less scary.
When they aren't angry, they aren't that bad. They are angry most of the time, though.
I know, I've been struggling with it for about 4 years now. I know all to well how addictive it can be.
I'm sorry to hear that You've also struggled with it.

[disguise123]

thanks but dont worry about me any , thats all behind me now.
Hmmm i wish i had some good advice to give you about your mum.

[LovesShelly]

My mom is who she is, nothing will change her.

[disguise123]

i know , but i wish i could give you advice as to how to handle that situation. Xx

[LovesShelly]

You don't have to worry about it. It's ok.

[disguise123]

i know i dont 'have to'. But i do care how this turns out for you. Will u try with another counsellor?

[LovesShelly]

I think I need to ask my mom about going to see a professional, but I'm really worried about it.
What will they say? Will they think less of me because I'm just a teen? Will they make me talk to a man? I really wouldn't be able to talk to a man! Would they tell me I'm over reacting? Can they tell my parents what I say?
I'm really scared.

[disguise123]

ok, im not sure because im in australia, in australia they only tell your parents if your under 16 i believe. You dont have to talk to a man, but it may not be as bad as you think!
They should not tell you that your overreacting or think less of you for being a teenager.
If they do they are incompetant And you can find another.
Can you ask your gp or ring up a community or youth centre in your area, they can give you these answers without actually starting any process.
Xx

[LovesShelly]

Oh, I hope they don't tell my parents. I have really bad trust issues, man are hardest for me to trust.
I just thought that they might tell me it's normal teenage problems or something like that.
I don't have a gp, and I don't know of any community or youth centers in my area.