[Brkthesilence11]

I found out my verbally and physically abusive boyfriend was cheating on me. I hate him in so many ways. I'm mostly mad at myself for allowing him to do all these awful things to me but still continue to return to him. I hate you dont leave me is the phrase used for BPD but for me...its for the abusive cycle ive been sucked in to. Ive tried calling and texting to get answers from his lies. He hasnt responded. Im obsessing about it and need to stop. I dont know how to handle this emotion...i have no one to talk to because he's a secret.

[Sunna]

Oddly it makes sense to me.
You want to be loved. You are angry at him. You are attached to him.

Please let your cooler head prevail.
It is GOOD for this relationship to be over.

Like a badly rotten tooth that's been hurting you and making you ill, it needed to be yanked out, and yes it is going to hurt, you are going to hurt.

If you know some calming breathing techniques that may be good to do.
Try to purposefully distract yourself, whatever you think has a best chances of working.

In a way it's good that he couldn't keep his pants zipped, because from the sound of it, you would have stuck by him despire the abuse. And the abuse would have gotten just worse. It doesn't get better. With long years of therapy, maybe. You don't need this. Being with him would have done NOTHING good for you, nothing for helping you manage your own challenges.

You probably know all this quite well, I don't mean to imply you don't know, but sometime hearing someone else say it (or write) may make it easier to believe.

Yes, breaking up hurts. I have broken up so many times, and gone right back in, because it felt so awful. But I wasn't abused, I wasn't being harmed. Please keep yourself away from him.
The emotions will pass.
Hang in there.

Welcome to the Community, Brkthesilence11.

http://psychcentral.com/dvquiz.htm
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/ste...stic-violence/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...omestic-abuse/
http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/02...nce/23567.html
http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/08...ers/28325.html
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...omestic-abuse/

[VodkaKisses]

I know how yu feel, tho my bf hasnt abused me physically, or cheated on me I dont think, he does emotionally abuse me nd see's nothing wrong with it, he doesnt see it like that... most guys are idiots, sweetie, it'd be good for yu to move on... go see a doctor maybe try to get some anti-anxiety pills or something to help yu out when it gets too hard to handle... just make yurself hate him, think of all the lies, all the pain he's put yu through... eventually yu will be able to find someone better, there is always someone better, believe me. I hope I helped some..

[Brkthesilence11]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I work in mental health so i understand inside and out of abuse...but somehow i got sucked into the cycle of a very manipulative man. Youre right when you say that reading it or hearing it from someone else is very helpful. Thank you again.

[falling star]

I have been there so many times. I think something is wrong if someone is nice to me. I hope you can feel ok.