numb vs. overwhelming feelings

At the beginning of last week I was experiencing a lot of negative emotions leading to some suicidal thoughts, including thinking about methods. A few days after that I was unable to feel anything. I am still at that point, and I am finding it really distressing. The only thing that is able to get through is random bursts of anxiety. The really odd thing is that when I was numb, I was wishing I could get back to the point of feeling bad again, even if it meant I had to go through the suicidal thoughts.

I'm curious as to your experience of these emotions. Is it more uncomfortable for you to experience the negative emotions or to feel numb? I am asking because I told my therapist about this and she said that the numbness can be like a respite from the other emotions. I found this to be the opposite and wonder what others' experiences are.

Hi Mary ~ I never found 'numbness' to be a respite! I felt "abnormal" and sick! I find I get numb along with anxious when I'm quite depressed. It sounds like YOU could be depressed also. I take an antidepressant, since I've suffered from depression for many many years. You might ask your therapist about one.

If you don't think your therapist is on the right track, don't hesitate to look for another one. Many of us have had to change therapists at one time or another. I hate to think of you suffering when you don't need to.

Best of luck & God bless. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Hugs, Lee

catlover, please contact your therapist or a crisis hotline about the thoughts you are having.

For me, the numbness typically only comes when I'm very depressed to the point of thinking about suicide or coming very close to SI. So I consider it a nice break, for a little while (a day or less). Then I start wanting to go back to the bad feelings for some reason, though I really don't know why. I guess my theory on it is that the reasons I feel that bad are still there, just building up, and I'm going to have to deal with them at some point so I'd rather they not just build up while I'm numb. I don't know if that makes sense or relates to you at all. Maybe I just don't like feeling numb, and maybe you're the same way.

To quote my favorite band Three Days Grace..."I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

Anyway, I hope you get to feeling better (not just numb) soon

Hi, I can relate to what you have written. I hate the suicidal stuff and find it quite frightening, so in many ways the numbness is a respite for me - but I also understand that the numbness can be awful too, for me like I am so detached from everything and alone. I do think it is my mind / body's way of protecting me from the overwhelming feelings though -they are both horrible.

I have found however awful the suicidal stuff is, it does pass eventually, so take care, keep safe and know when to ask for some help. Soup

catlover - I agree with madisgram.. contact your treatment providers.. my reasoning is because in your profile it says you have dissociative disorders. going numb after feeling emotional stuff is one of the symptoms that come with dissociative disorders. your meds if you are on any to help with your anxiety, depression/suicidal feelings may not be working correctly and may need adjusting or a new meds may need to be prescribed.

that said it is quite normal for people with dissociative disorders to go through bouncing between feeling extreme emotions and then not feeling anything at all.

contact your treatment providers. they can help you discover what is causing you to go from feeling emotions to going numb. with something like this that may be related to your mental disorders my suggesting anything else may end up going against your treatment plans.

when I have this problem of having feelings and then nothing/numbness it is not disturbing or painful for me. I have been like this my whole life so it is just my normal way to be. what isnt normal for me is being stable not bouncing back and forth, and being able to feel a full range of emotions. it was quite an adjustment for me after integration to not be switching from one emotion to another and switching from extreme emotions to numbness. it was just one of those things that comes from having dissociative disorders.