[BorderlineAnn]

I'm 29 and have Bipolar, Panic, and BPD (can you tell that was my primary issue at the time I created my profile?). I am 2-4weeks away from having insurance at work, and the grays of the season are really getting to me I think. I didn't realize I was depressed until last night...it occured to me that for the last few days I say Eww when looking in the mirror. Hate it, everything about it. I just upped my welbutrin to a 2nd dose in the day thanks to patient assistance, but I can't wait for it to start helping! I spent some valuable time inpatient 6 years ago, for 28 days, where if you've been to a good facility you know they beat coping skills into you. I also spent 18month in DBT a few years back. What can I do to help this feelings of worthlessness depression? I'm drawing a blank and REALLY hoping that by the time I have my insurance there will be a spot available with a good therapist...This isfrustrating, I'm so close to being able to get help for this but I can't talk to anyone now about it, and I'm kinda freakin out about getting through the next month. I guess that's why this is getting kinda long. My hobbies aren't viably helping at this time, and I just don't journal anymore. I think I used that one all up I've scribbled out so much. What else will help? I'm totally drawing a blank...

[Perna]

Look forward; you are close to getting help. Think positively about that ("It will be okay, I'm going to be getting help in three weeks") and just kind of surf the bad feelings, not engaging with them. You know how you don't like the grays of the season? Well, you don't like the feelings either but what can you do other than wait them out? They won't "hurt" you, just think of things you enjoy doing (curling up with a good library book?) and do more of them. When I can't sleep and am all discombobulated I sometimes get up in the middle of the night and take a nice warm shower and get in clean pj's, etc. Just rearranging myself in that way makes me more comfortable and I feel a bit better? Change your bed and put on clean sheets? You'll feel better, the work of doing the bed changing is good exercise, and you'll feel like you have accomplished something.

If you are having trouble with working in a journal (new notebook and/or special pen won't help?) try finding a self-help workbook on some subject you like? I liked Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way book and working through it.

[BorderlineAnn]

Yes, this is true...and helpful. It is hard to not get sucked into it. I have to keep doing reality checks. Thanks.