my low self esteem is sabotaging my life

I am tired of my low self esteem and don't know how to overcome this. I want to be more self confident. It just isn't happening. I am broken and tired and surrounded by toxic people. Can't find a job, don't have any money to move where I could find a job, can't find any like minded people around here, and I am stuck. And that is definitely affecting my self esteem... I feel like a pariah. Plus I am poor and lonely, and I worry about money, so, I can't sleep, or even worse, most of the time my dreams are happier than my reality and I wake up and I feel trapped and lost and stuck and wasting my life. And it never ends. Maybe if I had higher self esteem life would be different, maybe I would have found a job and friends who aren't toxic and a boyfriend who would be "normal", unlike the needy effed up ones I am attracted to now, or the ones who are guaranteed to reject me so that I can successfully fulfill my pattern of being rejected. I just wish I could get a brain transplant!! My mind is like a parasite destroying my life.

LeCigreVolant, Self esteem to me is built on personal accomplishments. I see you have anxiety as I do. Anxiety is a biggy for me, and when starting a new job, I try to force myself to be perfect. Not possible of course, so self expectations sometimes are set way too high and I sabotage myself. When you get used to a job, then you get better and more relaxed with it; kinda becomes second nature.

Sorry you are living around toxic people, that may likely be the reason you want to rise above what you see and hear. Be a better person and want good things for your life. Same here with living with toxic folks as a young child and young adult.

My own life story is of escaping toxic parents and within a year I was flying to far away places, such as France, England, Spain, ect. I was a flight attendent.

Hope you will rise up from the funk/people in your life and go forward with determination. Don't give up on yourself, your all you've got! Hugs, bj

first of all you gotta get rid of these toxic people in your life they are only getting in the way.
second find people that are positive, give good advice, actually care about you, and validate you.
pc is a good place to find positive people who dealt with the same issue you are going thru.

hi and thanx for ur response! I dont have any personal accomplishments and I dont seem to have any coming my way soon. I am trying to stay away from the toxic people that I can't seem to find any that aren't. But hopefully change will come. Something has to change at some point sooner or later.
Sounds like your literally spread your wings and flew from the nest when you became a flight attendant! Traveling a lot and going to all the duty free shops sounds like immense fun!

thank you! I don't know where I can find such people in real life for now, but maybe I will find some here in PC like you are saying :-)