[emerylost]

I have BPD and my emotions and feelings are so out there sometimes. I have a daughter who is mentally retarded and she feeds off of how I feel that day. Sometimes its so hard to be happy and positive for her. She does not understand that I am not mad, or sad or depressed because of her. I am learning to regulate my emotions so how do I help her understand? I may say something and she thinks I am being mean or rude. This is so hard to even say what I am trying to...............

[Callmebj]

Emery, I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. Special needs children are just that:"SPECIAL"! I think the best thing for you to be to stay as stable as possible with your BPD and take a mind-set that you are dealing with one of God's Special People and they are to be loved and nurtured respectfully. If you get over your head with this, seek out one of the state agencies that might possibly give you some help with your daughter. Maybe someone to come to your house and work with her on any
developmental problems she might have, such as speech, etc.

I have a grandson that has Down Syndrome. His parents are involved in everything. Special Olympics, the league of the basketball, hockey teams do work here with special needs children. Having yourself involved in her life with other parents with
special needs children is a boon to the parent; good for her and a social helpful thing to yourself.

I understand about her feeding off of you on her emotional reactions. My dil
is involved in the PTA, Down Syndrome Assoc and works for the state here in Okla.
with Sibs Shops for siblings of disabled/special needs children. If you can involve
yourself more with her needs, I think it would be very helpful to you as well. I do not have BP but I do realize this is a serious problem to you and hope what I'm saying here is not too overwhelming for you. Take care of yourself and that very special young lady. bj

[Ortus]

I have a special needs son also, but he's not 'social' in our way. Nothing seems to affect him which is a sort of blessing. He's non-verbal and blissful. However, he's only 5. So your post piques my interest as I could be in the same boat one day as he grows. I'm curious to see what advice you'd get. I wonder if assigning a sort of character to your mood state's would help or confuse? Something like referring to yourself as being Miss Meanie and then assigning a reason other than her. "When Mommie's acting like Miss Meanie, it's because she woke up on the wrong side of the bed". <?>

[emerylost]

Originally Posted by Ortus

I have a special needs son also, but he's not 'social' in our way. Nothing seems to affect him which is a sort of blessing. He's non-verbal and blissful. However, he's only 5. So your post piques my interest as I could be in the same boat one day as he grows. I'm curious to see what advice you'd get. I wonder if assigning a sort of character to your mood state's would help or confuse? Something like referring to yourself as being Miss Meanie and then assigning a reason other than her. "When Mommie's acting like Miss Meanie, it's because she woke up on the wrong side of the bed". <?>

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My daughter is 13. One of her disablilities is communication. She interprets moods the wrong way. I don't know how to describe it. like last week I was helping her with her homework in a pleasant voice but she thought I was bossing her around. When two people are joking or teasing each other she thinks they are fighting. If I am having a bad day I talk to her tell her no I am not mad at you mommy is just upset. (about whatever i am working on that day) I constantly have to remind her to use her nice voice. I teach her everyday about moods and feelings. repitition. I just haven't found a way to help her understand. Every child learns differently and Its frustrating sometimes trying to figure out how she can retain information and remember. I am sorry if this makes no sense to you I am just confused and trying.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by emerylost

I may say something and she thinks I am being mean or rude.

Keep talking to her, letting her know when you do that it is not about her, that you do not mean to sound mean or rude and that you love her. Apologize when you are sorry for something you've said/done that didn't happen the way you would have liked.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by emerylost

I have BPD and my emotions and feelings are so out there sometimes. I have a daughter who is mentally retarded and she feeds off of how I feel that day. Sometimes its so hard to be happy and positive for her. She does not understand that I am not mad, or sad or depressed because of her. I am learning to regulate my emotions so how do I help her understand? I may say something and she thinks I am being mean or rude. This is so hard to even say what I am trying to...............

thanks for t his. (had trouble putting the thanks on here; comp. issues)

Just had a thought: i wonder if many "non bpd's" have trouble understanding that we bpds do not mean to put our problems on them?

Living with a "non" myself, I have run into Bruce saying, "Billi, why are you so angry? You remind me of my mother. You just slam around all the time and yell all the time."

And I tell him, "Bruce, it's not about you. It's because today the cable guy on the phone ticked me off". or, "Please get into reality and remember that you are an adult and I am not your mother and not going to hurt you."

But I know how hard it is for him. For him to live around an angry person. And I too am making an effort to change my behavior.

thanks,

Billi