Trouble with anger and emptiness

I've had this problem since I was 15 (I'm 23 now) but for the last 5 months it seems to have gotten out of control. Before I would get angry easily but it would just blow over in about an hour or two and leave me either feeling upset and crying or I would feel just empty. Though over the past 5 or so months it's been getting worse. Little things set me off now, like my dad coughing or even just talking to me gets me so angry and frustrated. I can feel the anger and rage just building up and building up then suddenly it just flips over into depression (although I haven't been diagnosed with it) in a matter of minutes. I feel so sad and I can't see the good in anything, I loose all interest in everything that I know I love or at least like to do. Everything seems mundane and pointless. The depression lasts about an hour then I'm left empty again. My anger, sadness and emptiness has been getting deeper and deeper as the weeks go by. When it gets really bad I feel almost insane and I loose it and end up clawing at my face a few times I have even punched my face. I also get thoughts of suicide and I plan it though I could never act on it. I'm to much of a coward and I could never leave my best friend/brother behind. I usually feel empty and bored even when doing things I know I usually like to do. When I get happy though I feel hyper, I laugh and I feel like doing so many things that I don't know what to do with myself. That's when I express my love to people. Especially to my brother. That's also when I feel like I can do things, my self-esteem goes way up compared to rock bottom like normal.
This is really starting to bother me, I lived with it before cause I could manage it on my own but now it's getting out of my hands and I don't want to loose the friends I worked hard to get. I'm afraid that they will leave me if I don't find a way to control myself.
Thank you for reading and sorry for the wall of text.
Any help is very much appricated <3

Hi ~ Sounds like you could use some professional help. How about talking to a therapist? You may have some manic/depressive episodes going on here -- a good therapist could help you with that.

Is there some way you could see a therapist? Do you have insurance or could you afford it? It would do you a world of good! Why not look into it and see what happens.

If you don't have insurance, call Social Services and see if you would qualify for any type of assistance. They might be able to help --you never know until you ask. Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

I've seen three therapists in the past and most of them have told me after one or two sessions that I wasn't right for them and they were going to call me after they have found someone that I'm more suitable to see. None of them called me back. So I stopped trying to see one. I just figured that I was wrong and this is "normal" for people and I shouldn't be complaining about it so I kept it to myself. Since I live in a really small town (pop. approx. 1,500) the therapists have to drive in. I have no way of getting to the city to see them. I suppose that's why most of them push me off. But I will try again. I do hope that it will turn out to be better this time.
Thank you very much. <3<3

[QUOTE=WaterSkies;2313249]I've had this problem since I was 15 (I'm 23 now) but for the last 5 months it seems to have gotten out of control. Before I would get angry easily but it would just blow over in about an hour or two and leave me either feeling upset and crying or I would feel just empty. Though over the past 5 or so months it's been getting worse. Little things set me off now, like my dad coughing or even just talking to me gets me so angry and frustrated. I can feel the anger and rage just building up and building up then suddenly it just flips over into depression...

Hello, I agree that a therapist will help you most, but I just want to add something I have discovered about myself and my anger, because it sounds very much like yours. For years I had an undercurrent of anger inside of me, and I think it was because I never confronted anyone when they hurt me emotionally. When I say 'confront', all i mean is letting the person know in the kindest but most revealing way how they hurt me. I kept the anger in because I did not feel safe letting it out & was afraid to confront anyone; but keeping it in made me feel sad because I was not being true to myself, or protecting myself the way I deserved; it's related to my low self-esteem. The best way I've found to get rid of the anger is to use language as skillfully as possible to be honest and kind at the same time so the person really gets the message. Anyway, hope this makes some sort of sense and helps you.