work colleagues (just a lil vent)

ugh...work colleagues have been so trying. i feel angry pretty much all the time these days with certain people. Actually, I feel indignant, frustrated, disgusted and judgmental (oh my gosh, I am my mother )

They just never cease to amaze me.

I do not like feeling this way, of course. It is taking it's toll on me emotionally and physically (i am worn out).

And I just keep thinking how crazy it is that I am working in the industry I am while suffering horribly with A/D/Ago/SAD/cPTSD. If this isn't a lesson in life, I don't know what is.

Unfortunately, you're probably going to find that almost everywhere you go to work. Working with people can be very trying at times, but WE can change. We have to learn patience & understanding. That was HARD for me --- I got better at it. I learned not to take these frustrations home with me too.

We all have different personalities & traits that bug each other. I had to realize that I probably drove people nuts too! That can be hard to swallow, but it's true!

Hope things start going better for you. I know how difficult it can be. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks for the hugs and input! I really appreciate it! You are absolutely correct, Lee. I am quite sure that I am driving some of them insane as well (from their POV, I am a pain, and I probably am - I get kind of bossy and judgmental when I'm irritated/grumpy).

Also, and a big project for me to work on, after asking someone repeatedly, very graciously, to do something, and they still do whatever they want, I get really annoyed. And that is where the indignation comes in

I know there are lessons here and it can only make me better!

My T recommended new reading material for me, as well, regarding the issue, which I hope helps!

(((Rose)))),

If it is any help, what I noticed is that while I am trying to deal with my PTSD, yes, it can be very absorbing all by itself. I find that my patience level is often low and I can get short tempered more so than I used to. Remember, everything gets magnified with PTSD. So keeping that in mind as you try to get through your days with others that may not pay attention to directions you give or the way things should run. You have to remind yourself that when these things happen you have to make extra special effort to not just over react and get angry. It can be a challenge Rose, but just keep reminding yourself to pay attention and slow down. You will get better at it little by little. Sad to say, other people truely don't know how much effort it is for you to manage all that is going on with you personally right now.

What I have found is that I am now trying to develope a new part of myself that steps in, talks to me, tells me to calm down and find ways to remind myself that I can choose not to let others get to me or disable me. It has been helping me a lot Rose, you can do this too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

Thank you...you are absolutely correct. I anticipated all of this ridiculousness months ago () and they have proven me right (they are awful ).

Seriously, though, thank you for reminding me about the magnification, over-reaction and shorter temper.

I am trying soo hard, too, and they have noo idea how hard this is for me. thanks for mentioning that.

Also, does this happen to you: when I get to the point with someone that I feel angry or especially surprised or disgusted (trigger?), I immediately don't trust them anymore.

And then, they notice a change in behavior on my part. But I'm not shouting or being verbally abusive or anything...they just seem to think I wasn't as "nice" as I used to be. And I tend to avoid them as much as possible. Unless they earn my trust again.

That is so sad I feel so awful admitting that.

I will work on that!

Oh that could go in the tool box thread Rose.
Yes, what you have to realize about PTSD is that you in a hypermode for all the emotions and hypersensitive about everything. Hypervigiliant state of mind altogether.

So what I mean by everything becomes magnified that means even our intuition as well as what you are discribing happens when someone surprises, disgusts, angers you or speaks unfairly to you, disrespects you all of that is now magnified. And that is something that most people who have PTSD are not aware of.

Now the other thing that is also magnified is AVOIDANCE. This is what other people are constantly misreading about you and you can't see it for what it portrays to others.

Have you noticed how you may struggle with time too? You can get distracted, well normally we all do at times, but with PTSD a 10 minute typical distraction can turn into an hour but might feel like 10 minutes.

Yes and you saw things coming that were going to be a problem with fellow employees right? Well that sensitivity is magnified as well.

And noise? A little noise that others can overlook and continue to consentrate on what their doing, even sleeping is more annoying to someone who as PTSD.

Part of this is our brains way of knowing that we are busy working through our main issues with PTSD and our brain doesn't want more stress so it is protecting us by alerting us of what could be upsetting.

The hard part is if you don't realize it, yes, you could react poorly or become overwhelmed and get angry or even stressed out without knowing that it isn't as big as you are feeling it to be.

Something to think about and we should put this in the toolbox thread too.

Open Eyes