[TheSilentEmpath]

I have one truly close friend in this world. Who, on a normal day, I talk to for several hours a day, and who, for whatever reason.. has barely spoken a word to me the past two days. I know it's somewhat pathetic to be so upset after only two days of non-communication but he's really the only one I talk to and I have no idea why he stopped talking to me...
I've had nightmares and anxiety attacks the past few days and I'm Beyond stressed out with work and school right now.. and I don't know what if anything I expect to get out of a forum like this which is basically just me whining about feeling lonely but when I can find no other outlet I often turn right back here to PC..
I'm afraid messaging him more than I have would make me seem clingy but at the same time I'm desperate to be able to talk to him again..
I have a bad feeling If I did message him with anything sad, even saying how I feel lonely, that he would only feel worse off.. he's normally very depressed.. though seemingly somewhat better lately.. I just don't know how to approach this situation and things like this always wind up stressing me out even more..

thanks for your time to anyone who bothers to read this/ can think of anything to say/ has some advice.

[Leed]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Depression is a terrible disease.

You didn't have an argument with your friend, did you? I assume not, since you didn't mention it. You say that he is also depressed --- perhaps he's just having a bad period right now and that's why he hasn't contacted you. Could you text him and try to be UPBEAT for him? Try to cheer him up (even tho you don't feel very cheery right now). Maybe for his sake you could just try to help HIM a little this time and see what happens. Maybe HE needs a little support right now. It's worth a try. I hope it works.

Sometimes if we get out of ourselves and try to help someone else, it makes US feel better. Give it a try. I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by Leed

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Depression is a terrible disease.

You didn't have an argument with your friend, did you? I assume not, since you didn't mention it. You say that he is also depressed --- perhaps he's just having a bad period right now and that's why he hasn't contacted you. Could you text him and try to be UPBEAT for him? Try to cheer him up (even tho you don't feel very cheery right now). Maybe for his sake you could just try to help HIM a little this time and see what happens. Maybe HE needs a little support right now. It's worth a try. I hope it works.

Sometimes if we get out of ourselves and try to help someone else, it makes US feel better. Give it a try. I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Believe me when I say I am ALWAYS helping this boy out... there was no argument. I can't text he has no cell but I IM him every day.. I try to stay upbeat for him but when he does stuff like this or starts talking about how he wishes he were dead that's not an easy thing to do at all.

thanks for trying to help out.

[Open Eyes]

(((Silent)))),

Having and maintaining friends is always a challenge. I actually had to learn some disappointing things myself. Like you, I am very sympathetic and I am also in tune with the struggles of others, as I have experienced a lot of unfortunate things myself. I really learned a lot from struggling with my PTSD, which basically put me in a position where I was so consumed by the disorder that I just didn't have very much to give.

I had a long time friend that at first seemed sympathetic but got very discouraged because she couldn't fix me up so I could continue devoting more time listening to her woes and going out with her so SHE could escape and nurture herself thru me. And one night she really laid into me and it was all about her not getting enough attention from me. After she behaved so badly she called me up the next day, didn't appologize and just simply stated that SHE decided that we could still be friends inspite of how she needed to attack me the night before. And wow, that was quite a rude awakening to me. And she went right back into wanting to make plans that SHE wanted me to tag along with. And when I finally got a therapist and joined PC, she got very angry and accused me of allowing myself to luxuriate in my mental illness. And any time I talked about how I was struggling, she got very angry and made it clear she didn't want to hear it. That is when I truely realized the terms of our friendship and yes, I was hurt and felt such a loss.

Struggling with what I have Silent has forced me to examine myself in a very in depth way, I simply had no choice in the matter. And I joined PC and learned even more about people in general too. One of the biggest things I DID learn outside PC is that while I was a very giving person and extremely thoughtful, it simply became expected of me in more ways than I realized. In fact when I really examine my past, whenever I was truely legitimately ill and could simply not service the needs of others, THE OTHERS WERE OFTEN ANGRY AND MEAN TO ME.

One of the big things I did learn in my life is THE MORE ONE GIVES, THE MORE IT BECOMES EXPECTED. I can say that whenever someone gave to me, I was always so grateful that I gave them even more back. But that really stems from my early childhood and in that situation, I learned that to get along, I had to go along with the needs and demands of others. And as I am working through this PTSD, I am recognizing that I have to make some changes about how I interact with other people in my life. I have some tough habits to break and though I will always be sensitive and caring, I have to pay attention to also setting boundaries for myself and make sure that I monitor how much I do give of myself to others.

Silent, the young man you are talking about has some deep emotional issues. I know that you have been a very good friend to him above and beyond others. However, this young man is VERY SELF ABSORBED with his issues and in that alone will lead him to retreat into his own needs dispite your efforts. And this doesn't have anything to do with your worthiness in having friends that are actually capable of understanding a balance of needs, knowing to think of your needs as well. But when someone is really troubled and consumed by their troubles, they tend to forget the needs of others.

In my own journey, as I mentioned, I actually had to direct my attention to working on my own issues, so I honestly could not continue on my path of maintaining the giver in me. It was really hard, and very lonely, for me to see the results of this situation. And I am realizing that, while I am still a giving concerned person, I have to make sure that I LEARN to monitor how much I give and pay attention to my own needs as well. And I also have to realize the limits of others and make sure I don't allow thier limits to affect how I judge my own value of myself. And I have to learn to take time to address my own needs without feeling guilty about it either.

But, if you are a true giver/nurturer, it is important to realize this balance in yourself, because the best way to help others is not only by just listening to them and being there for them but also by setting and example for them. Setting an example for others means allowing them to see that you have given to yourself and can maintain your own mental health by engaging in your life of learning and continuing to challenge your abilities to engage life, even if you are apprehensive about doing so. The bottom line is that ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE APPREHENSIVE and UNSURE and WE ALL LEARN BY SLOWLY PERMITTING OURSELVES TO ENGAGE AND LEARN FROM EACH TIME WE FAIL IN SOME WAY.

It is no secret that in our lives we are lucky to have only a few people we can truely call friends. Most of the time people come and go as they go on their life paths, perhaps taking whatever we give to them and then move on. It doesn't mean we are not worthy enough for friends, it only means that MOST people are somewhat nomadic when it comes to making friends and moving forward with whatever they learn from each friend.

It is a virtue to be a good nurturer of others, but it is important that if one chooses to do that without also nurturing themselves at the same time, the end result will often be disappointment in others. Either you end up with those that require your constant nurturing or those that simply take from you and move on.

If all one has is apples to give as they are, just apples, then those that come to eat that fruit will eventually come to know that person as only providing apples. However if someone not only has apples but also takes those apples for themselves and learns to make apple pies, candied apples, apple strudles, dried apples etc., etc. then they are much more inviting and often make more longer lasting, even healthier friends. The direction of the nurturing becomes more than just giving out a plain apple, but learning all the applications and ways apples can become VERY USEFUL AND REWARDING. But if someone only shares the basic apple, they will often be lonely with their simple basket of just plain apples.

The past two days, you have been alone with your simple apple basket. But you have all the intelligence to have much more than that Silent.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[ECHOES]

What about just messaging him that you miss talking to him?

It's funny how these things sometimes turn out to be both parties thinking the other is not speaking...

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((Silent)))),

Having and maintaining friends is always a challenge. I actually had to learn some disappointing things myself. Like you, I am very sympathetic and I am also in tune with the struggles of others, as I have experienced a lot of unfortunate things myself. I really learned a lot from struggling with my PTSD, which basically put me in a position where I was so consumed by the disorder that I just didn't have very much to give.

I had a long time friend that at first seemed sympathetic but got very discouraged because she couldn't fix me up so I could continue devoting more time listening to her woes and going out with her so SHE could escape and nurture herself thru me. And one night she really laid into me and it was all about her not getting enough attention from me. After she behaved so badly she called me up the next day, didn't appologize and just simply stated that SHE decided that we could still be friends inspite of how she needed to attack me the night before. And wow, that was quite a rude awakening to me. And she went right back into wanting to make plans that SHE wanted me to tag along with. And when I finally got a therapist and joined PC, she got very angry and accused me of allowing myself to luxuriate in my mental illness. And any time I talked about how I was struggling, she got very angry and made it clear she didn't want to hear it. That is when I truely realized the terms of our friendship and yes, I was hurt and felt such a loss.

Struggling with what I have Silent has forced me to examine myself in a very in depth way, I simply had no choice in the matter. And I joined PC and learned even more about people in general too. One of the biggest things I DID learn outside PC is that while I was a very giving person and extremely thoughtful, it simply became expected of me in more ways than I realized. In fact when I really examine my past, whenever I was truely legitimately ill and could simply not service the needs of others, THE OTHERS WERE OFTEN ANGRY AND MEAN TO ME.

One of the big things I did learn in my life is THE MORE ONE GIVES, THE MORE IT BECOMES EXPECTED. I can say that whenever someone gave to me, I was always so grateful that I gave them even more back. But that really stems from my early childhood and in that situation, I learned that to get along, I had to go along with the needs and demands of others. And as I am working through this PTSD, I am recognizing that I have to make some changes about how I interact with other people in my life. I have some tough habits to break and though I will always be sensitive and caring, I have to pay attention to also setting boundaries for myself and make sure that I monitor how much I do give of myself to others.

Silent, the young man you are talking about has some deep emotional issues. I know that you have been a very good friend to him above and beyond others. However, this young man is VERY SELF ABSORBED with his issues and in that alone will lead him to retreat into his own needs dispite your efforts. And this doesn't have anything to do with your worthiness in having friends that are actually capable of understanding a balance of needs, knowing to think of your needs as well. But when someone is really troubled and consumed by their troubles, they tend to forget the needs of others.

In my own journey, as I mentioned, I actually had to direct my attention to working on my own issues, so I honestly could not continue on my path of maintaining the giver in me. It was really hard, and very lonely, for me to see the results of this situation. And I am realizing that, while I am still a giving concerned person, I have to make sure that I LEARN to monitor how much I give and pay attention to my own needs as well. And I also have to realize the limits of others and make sure I don't allow thier limits to affect how I judge my own value of myself. And I have to learn to take time to address my own needs without feeling guilty about it either.

But, if you are a true giver/nurturer, it is important to realize this balance in yourself, because the best way to help others is not only by just listening to them and being there for them but also by setting and example for them. Setting an example for others means allowing them to see that you have given to yourself and can maintain your own mental health by engaging in your life of learning and continuing to challenge your abilities to engage life, even if you are apprehensive about doing so. The bottom line is that ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE APPREHENSIVE and UNSURE and WE ALL LEARN BY SLOWLY PERMITTING OURSELVES TO ENGAGE AND LEARN FROM EACH TIME WE FAIL IN SOME WAY.

It is no secret that in our lives we are lucky to have only a few people we can truely call friends. Most of the time people come and go as they go on their life paths, perhaps taking whatever we give to them and then move on. It doesn't mean we are not worthy enough for friends, it only means that MOST people are somewhat nomadic when it comes to making friends and moving forward with whatever they learn from each friend.

It is a virtue to be a good nurturer of others, but it is important that if one chooses to do that without also nurturing themselves at the same time, the end result will often be disappointment in others. Either you end up with those that require your constant nurturing or those that simply take from you and move on.

If all one has is apples to give as they are, just apples, then those that come to eat that fruit will eventually come to know that person as only providing apples. However if someone not only has apples but also takes those apples for themselves and learns to make apple pies, candied apples, apple strudles, dried apples etc., etc. then they are much more inviting and often make more longer lasting, even healthier friends. The direction of the nurturing becomes more than just giving out a plain apple, but learning all the applications and ways apples can become VERY USEFUL AND REWARDING. But if someone only shares the basic apple, they will often be lonely with their simple basket of just plain apples.

The past two days, you have been alone with your simple apple basket. But you have all the intelligence to have much more than that Silent.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

It's just so difficult sometimes.. he Is very VERY self-absorbed in his problems.. he barely spares a thought for me and when he does if I dismiss it
(and unfortunately I often do.. he sent me a few messages while I was asleep last night.. asked what my nightmare from the night before was, when I woke up I said 'just stupid things'.. because It had been the night Before that I had had the nightmare and I had a feeling the subject matter of my nightmare would only upset him more. besides that he had started complaining again and sent several messages on that before I woke up.. i wanted to help more than talk about what had bothered me..),
that's it, back to him.

I honestly don't know how to take me-time.. its so habitually ingrained in me to just give and give and give that taking, even in the smallest ways, pains me..

Unfortunately I constantly seem to make friends with the type of person.. and I guess enforce that behavior by constantly giving to them.. I don't know how to get out of such a cycle and I loathe the idea of hurting people so much that it's impossible to let go of them regardless of what they do..

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

What about just messaging him that you miss talking to him?

It's funny how these things sometimes turn out to be both parties thinking the other is not speaking...

I've thought of that.. but he consistently shows himself as 'offline' even when he's online.. so I can't know when he's online but he messages me whenever he feels like it.. every Several hours I would sent something along the lines of '-hugs-' even though I'd like to send things more often I don't want to seem pester-some or very clingy

[Open Eyes]

"I honestly don't know how to take me-time.. its so habitually ingrained in me to just give and give and give that taking, even in the smallest ways, pains me.." quote SilentEmpath

Yes, I can see that and it CAN stem from low self esteem in different ways. It is a need in you that only gets filled with the giving you do. The problem with that is that it makes you the prime candidate for becoming a victim of those who are very troubled and self absorbed, or even as you have already experienced, a narcisist who will take as much of you as they can get, and even then will never be satisfied. Or even worse, set you up to be a victim of some kind of abuse.

Yes, you can empathize with others that have self esteem issues, because you have that problem yourself. But to truely help people, you can't WAIT ON THEM AND SERVICE THEM. You have to learn how to give to yourself so you can encourage others to do the same.

This is a problem, even with some therapists. People choose that field and are often troubled themselves, devote many years to giving others therapy too. Then one day they are finally forced to recognize that they themselves never truely healed.

While a good therapist must provide a safe atmosphere for their patients. They also can treat much better if they themselves have taken the steps towards reaching to their own depths and finding resolve. Otherwise, therapy becomes nothing more than years of hand holding many patients.

My husband is a good example, he had low self esteem and chose to be everyone's hero. Well, first he became a binge alcoholic because thats what it took for him to find a group of friends, become a partier. But he then supplied them with pot etc too. Oh he took the hero role in many ways. And he fell short when it came to me and his own family. He also became the guy who would do what others would not as well, again the hero. Now he is in his 50's and finally realized that all that time, all he did was step up to do what everyone else didn't feel like doing, and he wasn't really a hero, it all just became expected of him. Finally he got it, and when he grew tired of picking up after everyone and picking up the slack constantly, all he got was anger and no one ever truely appreciated him like he thought. No one really repected him you know, they all just took advantage of him.

Hey, I was a giver as well, had trouble giving to myself as well. But after losing what I did have several times, I finally realized that many of the NICE things that I did, WERE NEVER TRUELY APPRECIATED, AND WAS ONLY EXPECTED OF ME. I think you can relate to that. Hurt others? You don't like to hurt others! But if you cannot make them happy, if all they do is take, take, take, what are your really taking from them? And giving? That should not include allowing others to cross your boundaries.
You have very few boundaries dear, because you still are finding yourself disappointed when what you DO give of yourself is truely NOT appreciated.

If you put a giver together with a taker who leaves first? The taker does. Often kind hearted giver type people are left alone many times in their lives. And they are really lonely if they cannot GIVE TO THEMSELVES.

Silent, this problem goes way back for you, you were imprinted with this problem, you have to look at this and find a resolve for it. If you can do this, you can help others do the same. I know where my own problems stem back to. I have had to relive it through this cursed disorder I have now. I had no idea I was so affected by the environment I grew up in. Like most people, I just thought I had to grow up and deal with it all. Oh, yes, try to accept people for the way they are, that is what I thought was right. But I also thought that enabling these messed up people was the right thing to do as well. Wow was I wrong. Ask yourself if YOU ARE AN ENABLER. Do you know what that is? Someone who will pick up the peices and messes others make for themeselves. And someone who allows others to continue to do things that are truely not in their best interests too. And you HAVE TO BE WILLING TO LEARN THAT LINE TOO. But how can you learn that unless you find that line within yourself, a line we all call BOUNDARIES as well as THE RIGHT FOR US TO BE HAPPY AS WELL.

Silent, I have spent years teaching children to REACH PAST THEIR OWN FEARS and WAYS OF DISABLING THEMSELVES. I have seen all kinds of negetive imprints and LOW SELF ESTEEM. And the one thing that I always loved is when a child finally pushed their way past their own low self esteem and actually accomplished something. Finally they walked away from me with a new sense of self accomplishment they didn't think they could have. And they came back wanting more, and I saw the lights go on in each child and it was good to see.

Silent, you are pretty, smart, very smart, and also very gifted in your artistic talent too. You have what you need to light your own light within, but you have to be willing to try. The one person stopping you is YOU. And this is not your fault, it was imprinted on you, but YOU CAN CHANGE THAT TOO.

Lots of people have things wrong with them. And many people have things wrong with them because of their imprinting that was never really their fault. Hey, I am no exception, as I mentioned, I have things wrong with me and it DOES go back to my early imprinting, in ways I never realized too. Oh, how I wish I was your age Silent and realized this the way I see it now, I would have done more than I did manage to do. I did push myself beyond my fears and self esteem issues many times in my life, so I do know that one CAN do this. And I DID set boundaries, but I fell short because of what I didn't see or know.

There is a reason why you seem to find these troubled people as well. It is not all bad, you identify with them. But to really help them, you have to help yourself first. And that means you are going to have to push the fear or distast or whatever reasoning you have in not GIVING TO YOURSELF "FIRST".

This so called friend is NOT GIVING TO YOU, he is TAKING from you and YOU ARE CONTINUING TO ENABLE HIME TO CONTINUE THAT BEHAVIOR. Well, sure he is weak and troubled, so, are you going to keep servicing and enabling that? And you are enabling the bad part in you to keep coming out only to service others and not yourself, otherwise you would not have even noticed his absense for two days. Actually you would have instead enjoyed the reprieve to be able to take time for yourself to do things for you. And you would have been hoping he would find ways to wean himself off of just asking you to constantly service his problem with being so self absorbed.

This young man you are friends with? He has to stop spending so much time mulling over not being born a woman, he has to stop constantly researching all these things that only feed that disappointment. And he cannot befriend women because he wants to dream that he is them somehow. Because he can never be someone else. He has to make a decision that if he really wants to be a woman then do whatever it takes to be a woman. And he can only be the height and skin color he is, he has to find his way past his regrets somehow. And you just listening to his constant whining gives him permission to just continue whinning. He actually needs professional help. AND if he cant take steps to truely help himself, THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT OR RESPONSIBILITY.

((((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Yes, I can see that and it CAN stem from low self esteem in different ways. It is a need in you that only gets filled with the giving you do. The problem with that is that it makes you the prime candidate for becoming a victim of those who are very troubled and self absorbed, or even as you have already experienced, a narcisist who will take as much of you as they can get, and even then will never be satisfied. Or even worse, set you up to be a victim of some kind of abuse.

Yes, you can empathize with others that have self esteem issues, because you have that problem yourself. But to truely help people, you can't WAIT ON THEM AND SERVICE THEM. You have to learn how to give to yourself so you can encourage others to do the same.

There is low self-esteem and I'm pretty sure that low self-esteem is at least partly because of the way I view myself and the world. I don't consider myself of worth (nor do I consider much of anything to have true worth) but I care very deeply for those that leave an impact on my life, even if I know, in reality we don't have much of any effect on the planet, I feel like if I could help them, I'm doing my part, and what happens to me is inconsequential. Still, it's better for them if I can care for myself enough to be able to support them too.

My husband is a good example, he had low self esteem and chose to be everyone's hero. Well, first he became a binge alcoholic because thats what it took for him to find a group of friends, become a partier. But he then supplied them with pot etc too. Oh he took the hero role in many ways. And he fell short when it came to me and his own family. He also became the guy who would do what others would not as well, again the hero. Now he is in his 50's and finally realized that all that time, all he did was step up to do what everyone else didn't feel like doing, and he wasn't really a hero, it all just became expected of him. Finally he got it, and when he grew tired of picking up after everyone and picking up the slack constantly, all he got was anger and no one ever truely appreciated him like he thought. No one really repected him you know, they all just took advantage of him.

Hey, I was a giver as well, had trouble giving to myself as well. But after losing what I did have several times, I finally realized that many of the NICE things that I did, WERE NEVER TRUELY APPRECIATED, AND WAS ONLY EXPECTED OF ME. I think you can relate to that. Hurt others? You don't like to hurt others! But if you cannot make them happy, if all they do is take, take, take, what are your really taking from them? And giving? That should not include allowing others to cross your boundaries.
You have very few boundaries dear, because you still are finding yourself disappointed when what you DO give of yourself is truely NOT appreciated.

I understand that.. as I'd mentioned in the post before, I offered to write that paper for him and was met with no opposition (and later didn't get so much as a 'thank-you') I helped him so long with his school work that he's come to expect it. I listened to him so long that he expects it; the same thing happened with most of my old friends.. and it gets to be irritating.. because they, in turn, don't ever seem to want to listen to what bothers me, or compare it to their own lives.

It's so hard Not to give when you Know what could happen while you're away though.. even if you know it's not really appreciated.

Silent, this problem goes way back for you, you were imprinted with this problem, you have to look at this and find a resolve for it. If you can do this, you can help others do the same. I know where my own problems stem back to. I have had to relive it through this cursed disorder I have now. I had no idea I was so affected by the environment I grew up in. Like most people, I just thought I had to grow up and deal with it all. Oh, yes, try to accept people for the way they are, that is what I thought was right. But I also thought that enabling these messed up people was the right thing to do as well. Wow was I wrong. Ask yourself if YOU ARE AN ENABLER. Do you know what that is? Someone who will pick up the peices and messes others make for themeselves. And someone who allows others to continue to do things that are truely not in their best interests too. And you HAVE TO BE WILLING TO LEARN THAT LINE TOO. But how can you learn that unless you find that line within yourself, a line we all call BOUNDARIES as well as THE RIGHT FOR US TO BE HAPPY AS WELL.

By your definition I'm surely an enabler.. I've cleaned up messes people close to me have made and do so somewhat often..

Silent, you are pretty, smart, very smart, and also very gifted in your artistic talent too. You have what you need to light your own light within, but you have to be willing to try. The one person stopping you is YOU. And this is not your fault, it was imprinted on you, but YOU CAN CHANGE THAT TOO.

It's hard though.. I don't know if it's even within my power presently.. and I don't know what kind of an event it would take to push me to the point where I would be able to try to find those boundaries..

There is a reason why you seem to find these troubled people as well. It is not all bad, you identify with them. But to really help them, you have to help yourself first. And that means you are going to have to push the fear or distast or whatever reasoning you have in not GIVING TO YOURSELF "FIRST".

I can understand this.. I went to the doctor nearly a week ago and was put on a vitamin D regimen. It's brightened my mood a bit and given me more energy than I know what to do with in some cases, and I know from experience that the people around me can be happier when I am happy, and that when the people around me are happier, I am happy in turn too.. happiness is infectious in that way I suppose but the vitamin D alone isn't enough for prolonged reliable happiness.. and for that I know it's going to be difficult because I really.. i can't give to myself first.. at least if giving to myself first results in the possible harm of another..

This so called friend is NOT GIVING TO YOU, he is TAKING from you and YOU ARE CONTINUING TO ENABLE HIME TO CONTINUE THAT BEHAVIOR. Well, sure he is weak and troubled, so, are you going to keep servicing and enabling that? And you are enabling the bad part in you to keep coming out only to service others and not yourself, otherwise you would not have even noticed his absense for two days. Actually you would have instead enjoyed the reprieve to be able to take time for yourself to do things for you. And you would have been hoping he would find ways to wean himself off of just asking you to constantly service his problem with being so self absorbed.

This young man you are friends with? He has to stop spending so much time mulling over not being born a woman, he has to stop constantly researching all these things that only feed that disappointment. And he cannot befriend women because he wants to dream that he is them somehow. Because he can never be someone else. He has to make a decision that if he really wants to be a woman then do whatever it takes to be a woman. And he can only be the height and skin color he is, he has to find his way past his regrets somehow. And you just listening to his constant whining gives him permission to just continue whinning. He actually needs professional help. AND if he cant take steps to truely help himself, THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT OR RESPONSIBILITY.

Whoa, hold on. He is a friend. No so-called about it. I spend nearly all my time with or speaking with him, we tell each-other everything and try to support each other, he's just dealing with a lot right now... so I'm the one holding him up for the most part, but when we're together and something bothers or upsets me he'll hold me and try to make me feel better too, and he asked about my nightmare, I just didn't say anything about it. And I don't ever like alone time... it gives me much to much time to think about things in my past I don't like and get paranoid about what could happen at any given moment..

He Does need to stop looking up things that fuel his disappointment and I've told him as much.. i suppose it's even an addiction of sorts for him.. a damaging one.. but he is looking up things to help him too.. just this morning he messaged me about how he'll want to live in a largely-gay community because gay people and those who accept them are usually less judgmental and he feels ostracized with his height; he feels people are uncomfortable around him because of it. I told him that seemed like a great idea to me and told him some of the places I've heard of which are widely accepting of such things.. he develops games or hacks and things himself as an outlet (he's a coder fluent in several internet languages like Java, html, and C++) He used to write poetry and draw a bit too. I realize my listening to him doesn't do anything to discourage him from talking with me but aren't friends Supposed to listen to one-another? I mentioned therapy in the gay community even. offered to go with him if he would be uncomfortable on his own. We are trying to find solutions for his problems...

[Open Eyes]

Well, yes there are communities that consist of more gays and even eccentric artistic individuals that are sensitive and find comfort in being around others who are the same. That was good advice to give him actually.

There is nothing wrong with getting enjoyment/fulfillment by reaching out and helping others Silent. And when I suggest you investing in yourself, what I mean by that is spending time on yourself, educating yourself, take more courses/activities to fill YOUR time with. You ARE smart and you have to stop worrying about making this big contribution to mankind and the world as a whole. As a matter of fact that is done in small areas that eventually take hold into larger areas.

Make sure you add some form of exercise for yourself Silent, feed the body energy as well, it will make a difference in your ability to think and learn and navigate in life. We are designed to be active, not sitting in front of computers all day or in classrooms. The children now are not being active enough, too much is done for them via TV and computers and these children are experiencing health and menal health problems.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[TheSilentEmpath]

[QUOTE=Open Eyes;2339799]There is nothing wrong with getting enjoyment/fulfillment by reaching out and helping others Silent. And when I suggest you investing in yourself, what I mean by that is spending time on yourself, educating yourself, take more courses/activities to fill YOUR time with. You ARE smart and you have to stop worrying about making this big contribution to mankind and the world as a whole. As a matter of fact that is done in small areas that eventually take hold into larger areas.[QUOTE]

I can't help but think in terms of mankind as a whole but I fully know it impossible of me to affect mankind as a while (without developing some extraordinary new contraption or vaccine or starting a war somehow)
I used to read a lot. but I don't have so much time to do that lately. I'm really only on my computer in my free time I suppose..

Make sure you add some form of exercise for yourself Silent, feed the body energy as well, it will make a difference in your ability to think and learn and navigate in life. We are designed to be active, not sitting in front of computers all day or in classrooms. The children now are not being active enough, too much is done for them via TV and computers and these children are experiencing health and menal health problems.

Ughh.. exercise :I I used to take kickboxing classes.. those were fun but.. then we couldn't afford them anymore and I suck at creating habits. and i'm veeery good at finding excuses not to lol