I feel so many things right now!

I'm so angry at my T for leaving me. I loved him so much. I still do. I want him to love me back. (just be my friend; not be a romantic partner or anything). I'm scared at having to face seeing him again next week, knowing that if I don't act the right way he'll reject me again (and I'm frustrated because I don't know what the right way is!).

I'm angry and frustrated at the whole therapy process --that everyone seems to be asking me to do something physically impossible which is to talk openly and honestly about very intimate things in my life to a complete stranger and yet somehow remember that that stranger is just doing a job and is not actually a friend and I'm NOT supposed to fall in love with them.

I'm angry and frustrated at myself for not being able to work in the right way, for not being able to be normal and not have such intense emotions. I'm hurt and frustrated that I'm not making progress and not being who everyone wants me to be, not being able to shut down my feelings and not let the world affect me so much.

I'm mad at myself for not writing, not doing more with my life and for letting my career go down the drain. I hate myself for having such an empty meaningless life and not doing anything about it. I hate it I hate it I hate it!!
****.

(((LostinDC)))

I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time. Times like you're describing do stink!

Try to take this situation apart a bit, to gain better perspective. A less painful and less intense perspective.
1. You're upset with your T.

2. You're upset with yourself, for not achieving abilities that you think you should have.

3. You're disappointed with yourself.

Okay. Now out of the 3 above, what issue can be fixed most easily and quickly? Don't get me wrong either..I'm not saying that any are "easy". Just which issue is the easiest for you to fix? 1, 2, or 3? I say this because we may very well have different opinions on what's an easier problem to fix.

#1) You can tell your T how hurt you are by your last appointment because of ______. Address the issue head-on, no *****-footing! Tell him that you're afraid of losing him, and having to start over with another T.

#2) Sooner or later in life, we ALL have to deal with some frustration in our lack of achievement/s. That is human. Sorry. Reminding yourself of this could help you feel a little better sooner though.

#3) Self-disappointment is the most difficult issue for me to handle. I think that many of us hold ourselves to impossible standards, without much room for error ~ especially no room for tragedies that occur in life. Accepting that tragedies do occur, for lots of people (in many different ways), can help us feel less alone. But that doesn't mean that what happened to us wasn't tragic. It was (or is)! We just really need to adjust our expectations of ourselves to reasonable heights. Don't shoot super-low, but don't continue shooting super-high either.

That's my advice for the day. I hope that this helps you feel a little better. Best wishes to you!

you said you didnt want him as a romantic partner but you also said that you were in love with him, so im a little confused by that. do you have any friends outside of therapy? i think when therapists feel like youre getting to close to them they drop you. i had one therapist that i was probably too dependant on emotionally and she moved on to another treatment center. i still havent found anyone that understands me like she did. try not to be so hard on yourself. its not your fault that you have such intense feelings. i dont know how good i am at giving advice and also sometimes that pisses people off. lol, but i feel that way too sometimes. angry and confused, questioning why i cant live my life and function like everyone else. when you have a mental illness its damn near impossible to be normal. besides, "normal" is overrated anyways. you just gotta do the best you can. maybe you cant be the person they want you to be but you can try to be the person that you want to be.